we're not promised tomorrow

I guess today was a good day to have a shitty day. Everyone is just assuming I’m trashed and sad because of the election, but I’m actually sad because I hate my life. The girl I like will never even think of me like that. No one ever will.

I hate that I’m totally fine having a crush on someone or thinking they’re cute, but as soon as those feelings get any deeper than that, I immediately become depressed again. Like cry myself to sleep, cry on my lunch break, not listening to anything on my drives, just basically wanting to be asleep and not present in life, depressed. And the reason I get this way is because I know nothing will happen. Because as much as I like somebody, it will never happen. It never happens. I am totally content being single and being alone the rest of the time, but as soon as I have true feelings for someone, I just shut down. And I think I have to shut down or my imagination runs amok and thinks of all of these what ifs and maybe this times, but then I have to bring myself back to reality of the fact that it’s not going to happen. It’s never going to happen.