Windsor Solutions

By the time I processed our Impending Doom, I knew we were fucked. I managed to get the reins into some semblance of order, but Michael was in no mood to respond to my suggestions that we slow the fuck down. He kept charging through the brush, we hit a downslope, then suddenly we were on the precipice of the bank, with a ten foot or more drop to the concrete, and the roof of the building about 15 feet away. So Michael did the only thing possible, and jumped. And landed on the metal roof. And, somehow, skittered to a stop instead of plunging off the other side. The roof was metal, and he slid a bit, all four legs splayed out, but we made it.

When we landed, the metal horse shoes hitting the roof at speed made the most colossally apocalyptic BOOM! CLANG CLANG CLANG! noise I've ever been unfortunate enough to hear. So, there we were...standing precariously on top of the most delicate, expensive, government run scientific installations in the world. With no obvious way down. I was aware that very soon, angry military types with guns would be heading our way, and that it was going to be very difficult to explain what the fuck we were doing there. The only plan I could think of was to sneak along the roof until we found a place where the banks were close enough to jump to. I wanted to attract as little attention as possible, in the hopes that maybe no one noticed the giant clanging noises that had heralded our arrival. I kept a very firm grip on the reins, but Michael had no intention to go his own way. He was baffled to be on top of a building, and eager to take any directions from me. He had confidence that I would have A Plan, which was heartwarming but sadly misplaced.

I picked the direction I hoped was away from the control building, and nudged Michael into a slow, sedate walk. A quiet walk. A sneaky walk. CLANG CLANG CLANG CLANG Oh shit. The noise was unreal. It was like being inside a steel drum during Carnival in the Caribbean. Only much less melodious and charming.

Well, I thought, no point in sneaking. And kicked Michael into a slow canter. Michael did not like the noise, at all, and when we came to a spot where the bank was more gentle and only about 8 or so feet away, he turned of his own volition and jumped. The quiet was such an intense relief. Michael was blowing hard, and covered with sweat, but I felt a strong need to make tracks and get away from the scene of our crime. We alternated between a jog and a slow canter, until we reached a clump of trees. We hid there for a couple of minutes while I took my bearings, then headed back towards the stable, walking and then jogging. We finally made it back, I gave Michael a bath, then wrapped his legs and got him back in his stall. Which is when the big black government sedan rolled up, with two Very Serious Dudes in full Men In Black suits and sunglasses. There were only a few people around at that time, and they were blissfully unaware of my crimes. I hid in the doorway of the stable, and listened. Very Serious Dude: "What do you people know about the incident at the linear accelerator? If you confess now, we will go easier on you." No one had any clue what he was talking about. Except me. Innocent Horse Person: "We have no idea what you're talking about. We've all been here all day. What's going on?" Very Serious Dude: "There was a horse on top of the accelerator. The noise and vibrations and dust from the ceiling disrupted an experiment that was three years in the making. We're going to all the stables to find the guilty party." Innocent Horse Person: "No one in their right mind would ride onto the accelerator. There's a lot of pasture up there...it must have been a loose horse. Or a deer. Or even a bull or something. It sure as hell wasn't any of us." The Very Serious Dudes left, unsatisfied. Later, one of the people from the barn came up to me. "What the hell were you up to? It had to be you and that Damned Horse. As soon as I realized that no one in their right mind would do it, I thought of you. It couldn't be anyone else. You're just fucking lucky to be alive." And I am.