As I get older, Iβve learned how to check in with myself more often to notice the emotion I am feeling, take note of the way they rest within me, and see if theyβre my energy or something exterior attempting to make myself grow or close. Something that correlates with age and my check-ins is my career. This year, this economic climate and my personal ebbs and flows have made what Iβm noticing about myself even stronger.Β I take note of how in awe I am of people who know what they have always wanted to do. Or perhaps not even that exactly, but who push themselves endlessly until they achieve what theyβve been working towards. In my most recent check-in. Iβve noticed the feeling of peace of not being one of those people. I donβt think I ever have been. This used to cause me so much anxiety and shame around where I was and how I spent my time. Iβm still in, what feels like, the very beginning stage of my marketing career and Iβm still not sure if I even enjoy it. Iβm not sure if there will ever be anything I enjoy doing 40 hours a week for a paycheck and benefits.
Iβve always been someone who enjoys a closed door and a guitar in my hands or a notebook in front of me. I enjoy conversation with people who deeply listen and let me know whatβs on their minds and hearts. I long for connection within myself and others even when I donβt know how to ask for it - I think both parts of that are inherently human - but that is the only thing Iβve ever chased. To see and be seen.Β
During this time in history and what feels like an overload of responsibilities, I want to feel connected to those who are also just finding peace for the first time throughout all of the dizziness. βOne day at a timeβ is something Iβve said a lot through this pandemic, and it is there where I have found my joy.Β
