I WISH I COULD DO BETTER BY YOU

*delicately blows a kiss to all the spirits in my room* please dont knock anything over i live here

when ur fidgeting with a pen and it just flies fuckin. halfway across the room and you just try to pretend like you didn’t just launch a small projectile instead of writing notes with it like ur fukn supposed to do

Why do witches like always wanna fatten kids up before they eat them?? fat is like the grossest part of meat

“Why hello there, little children~. Please follow me to my magical… FITNESS ROOM. NO P A N S I E S ALLOWED BEYOND THIS POINT. LEAVE YOUR WHINING AT THE DOOR BECAUSE IT’S LEG DAY AND WE’RE ABOUT TO GET R-R-R-RIPPE D.”

Because they’re always cooking said kids in cauldrons and ovens - aka long cooking times at lowish heat. If you do that to fatty meat, the fat melts completely and the meat gets tear-it-apart-with-a-fork soft. If you do it to lean meat, you get tiny little sad meat bits that bring no joy to anyone.

well you did ask

Also there’s wisdom in fattening them up on sweets and other carbs. A meatless, carb-rich diet makes for more tender and flavourful meat.

you are arguing over the semantics of EATING CHILDREN

Well yeah, you gotta get this shit right or it’s a waste of 40-80 lbs of meat.

plus if you feed them a high fat, low nutrition diet, they’re easier to subdue and less likely to run away, which would be a concern for an elderly crone.

Thank you, Old Witch With Candy House side of tumblr.

shout out to all the black and white cats named oreo, all the orange tabbies named tiger, all the grey cats named smokey, all the black cats named shadow, and all the calico cats named patches

how could i forget the white cats named snowball, shout out to all the white cats named snowball