I asked. One person answered. Thatās enough for me.
This was the first song I ever wrote. I was hanging out in my garage at 14 years old on June 2, 2018. I was in 7th grade I believe and a good friend named Logan was with me. I mustāve said something like āhey letās write a songā and I worked this out. Itās hard to read through it after all these years because itās absolutely abhorrent.
Itās abhorrent but on the flip side Iām impressed with the kid. I have a lot of self hatred towards myself and especially that kid then. Recently, however, I realized that itās not me, as I am now, who made me who I am. It was him. That 14 year old punk was the one who put in the effort to be someone I could be proud of. A lot of people talk about self love. I never got it. I donāt feel that i am worth loving. But that kid made it out alive and became something in all of his troubles and I canāt not respect that. And self respect means a heck of a lot more to me for whatever reason. Let me know if you want more songs/poems. Iāve got hundreds.
(I didnāt know how to spell at that age and sometimes still donāt. I was also listening to a lot of twenty one pilots and sometimes still do)
Iām not what you think I am.
Iām on the brink of the end.
āCause my mask is my shield.
Youāll never see past what you know.
Just as Iāll never see past my mistakes.
My days are darker than the darkest night.
My fate is sealed and thatās not alright.
Iām on the brink of the end.
āCause my mask is my seal.
Youāll never see past it.
Just as Iāll never see past my mistakes.
Iām the master of myself.
A light at the end of the tunnel.
It may be a far ways off.
The knife thatāll cut loose the noose around my neck.
The promise that another day will rise again.
I might live just long enough to see that day.
Iāll lift the mask and ask for help.
āCause I see more than just mistakes.
I see a whole life promised to me.