âI donât deserve oneâŚ.scratch that. I donât want one. After all, seeing red is what got me into this mess to start with, so something so literal makes sure I remember it. What good is a mistake or punishment I forget about?â it was if on cue that he got a refill of his own, offering her a sip of it: they did talk about sharing it, after all.Â
âI make a hell because lifeâs too stubborn to give me one: and thatâs what makes it worse. A man craving for a punishment no-one wants to give him. Not a proper sentence, or a proper prison to wait it out in. Instead, I was given House arrest and a returning spot at a job I only applied to out of spite.Â
âŚWhat am I supposed to do now?â
She took a sip of his coffee, pondering her response. âYou learn from it...You remind yourself by keeping it in your mind. But allowing yourself to see only your mistakes is foolish.âÂ
âThat is your punishment. You arenât given your punishment you want. You are paying your time in your way. You try to make up for what youâve done. You make your life worth it.â She wasnât sure if she was crossing a line, however, she did the only thing she felt she could do. Her arms wrapped around him, hugging him.Â
âI spent years kicking myself for not being the one who interrogated that son of a bitch.... I still blame myself. If I had been the one, Iâd be dead, and heâd be alive today. We make our own mental prisons, our own mental hells. Itâs what we do. Itâs how we punish ourselves. Living with the thoughts is what we get. Itâs the prison that we deserve.â She knew it wasnât healthy. But it was what she lived with.Â
âYet....would they want us to be like this....?âÂ











