welcome to my twisted mind @wife - Tumblr Blog

i know my ex has made posts about me bc of multiple anon msgs, one which included pics. so here.

1.none of my friends look at his blog now. or at least i've told them not to. two used to occasionally, without me asking for it, and would randomly give me updates. i told them both to stop months ago. another offered to look for me and i said no. if other people look i don't know about it and dont encourage it. i have never told anyone to talk to him, or talk about this situation publicly or to others, on my behalf.

2.i don't want to look at his blog. i do not tell people about him. he seems to think i am like him. he's forgetting that when we knew each other, he was the one going around telling most people about the people that hurt me (which i did appreciate at the time!). it is not something i do because it's hard for me. he's also forgetting that i told him i do not want to look at or think about ppls blogs who have blocked me or hurt me any more, because i don't want to stress myself out like that.

3.the only time i talk to a new person about it, is when they are His friend or mutual and they approach me wanting to hear my side. i do not approach people to tell them. i only talk to people who are already involved, because he involved them. i only talk to them about details pertinent to the situation. (i do not tell them anything that is his private business, because regardless of how he's treated me, he trusted me. i know he does not extend me the same courtesy.)

4.weird that he's accusing me of being a stalker when multiple people he talks to have confirmed he stalks my blog, and other blogs that have him blocked, and that he talks about me all the time. i think he should stop doing that before even thinking of accusing me of stalking him with no proof except "people showed you my posts" (people who were literally mutuals with him)

5.i did something wrong bc i said i didn't want to use a drama channel (it was for talking about tumblr drama btw! not just regular venting. so literally stupid nothing stuff, and we barely used it) any more. because apparently it is impossible to revoke consent on such a situation almost a Year after the channel was made. and also it's somehow my fault he assumed he wasnt allowed to vent anywhere i could see, and didn't ask me, and never told me.

6. for how much he's insisting he wanted me to tell him when i don't like something, he is so mad that i told him i didn't like the drama channel. pick one. you can't be angry about both. do you think that maybe this kind of contradictory behaviour made it difficult for me to tell you things? also i definitely did tell him i didn't like aram a million times, pretty much as soon as i realised i liked sr way more. but i also told him i preferred it over how upset he got when we played sr, when i realised that. somehow he's angry about this too..? how am i supposed to tell him i don't like something if no matter how soon i tell him it, he has a problem? (why did He not have to tell me things immediately? he hid things from me while saying nothing was wrong until his big freakout rant at the end, and now he tells people complaints about me he's never told me - like the vent channel thing - and my cat being abused??.)

7.He's just using my own google drive screenshots for proof that i don't explain what he's done wrong? the screenshots in which i state that i don't want to explain it any more? i will add a few screenshots under the cut to look at, as a treat.

8.hey. have you considered leaving me the fuck alone? have you considered not taking things out of context to tell people how horrible i am for saying something you agreed with, or you initiated, or you knew was a joke? have you considered that your problems aren't my fault and might be because of your own actions? are you just desperate for my attention? well i hope you enjoy.

9.the link on my pinned only exists because he didn't leave me alone, it has pictures of it. but i contemplated removing it when i heard nothing about him for a little while because i do not want to have it in my pinned if he is just living his life and leaving me alone - but then that was not the case. i literally told him when it happened that i was not going to talk about it on tumblr or vague, and yet he immediately started posting about me and telling people (even while we were still mutuals. i saw those posts!). i have not brought him up first in conversation with literally ANYONE ON TUMBLR since like, one person shortly after i made that post. (actually i vaguely mentioned him once but it was about something random, and not by name/url. nothing about anything drama-y.) i do NOT discouraged anyone from being friends with him, in fact i have told people i am okay with them still being friends with him and think he still deserves friends - if they stopped being his friend it is their choice. and i probably don't even talk to them.

10.whos the person that said this? woaaaaahhhh what a post i agree with it so much. guess we'll never know bc he deleted his account

i cannot emphasize how much i have tried to tolerate his behaviour through this whole thing and not say anything or react. i do not want to cause more drama for him and explain all the details to everyone and the world. i just want him to live his life away from me and stop trying to make people hate me because he's mad i decided there was no way we could be happy and remain friends. there are plenty of things i have not shared because i don't fucking want to tell people!!! i'm not like him!

i just want him to live his life and be happy even while i know we are not compatible as people. if he cared about me, and about my happiness, and respected my choices, i do not understand why or how it's hard to accept he deeply hurt me, stop looking at my blog and leave me alone. for a while there i literally didn't talk about him, and was doing so well not thinking about him, because it seemed like he wasn't doing anything and had started moving on. i would love to do that again. so if he doesn't want me to be sooo mean to him or say anything then maybe he should .. leaaaaaveeee me aloneeeeee

but i'm sure he's going to accuse me of being horrible and unfair for making this post. just like how it's unfair he cant make posts about me (even though he has so that's just a lie for no reason) :/

anyway, here's some more things he can show his counselor under the cut.

all screenshots are from discord export viewer thing

(^he never did this in the future btw)

(^never did this one either - would have been nice bc he had endless complaints about me not using tone tags, something that is hard to do when the issue is "use it when i might look condescending", which idfk. but i gave him two (!!) possible adjustments to what he said which would help me understand how to respond to him, and he chose not to do it, instead forever bringing up the tone tags.)

^and he didn't improve on this, because less than two weeks after this, i felt the need to bring it up again firmer. for reference i had told him multiple times i did not want to discuss the breakup and we needed time for our emotions to settle (and yeah he suibaited btw), and the issue was he kept telling me he felt horrible he couldnt talk to me about it, he didn't know how to treat me, he didn't know what he could say to me etc and he brought it up in various ways that made me feel bad. i freely admit i didn't handle it as well as i could have but his response here was not uncommon and it is unbearable to deal with.

(remember: this is the guy who wants me to tell him as soon as i upset him. is it a mystery why it may be difficult for me when this is how he reacts when my message isnt couched in a million reassurances?):

and then i reassured him later and explained it more because of course i did:

here's an example from before i moved into my abusive place, about a more minor thing:

these aren't the only examples. there's more because i was always explaining things to him and trying to solve our problems. if he thinks i've never said anything specific, or what he could do better, then frankly he has never listened to anything i said. maybe he should have asked questions that would help him understand how i felt, notice how he never did? i am not sure how that makes it my fault.

Edit:

His friend also mentioned screenshots so I asked around and he made a doc that showed extra screenshots. So here's some context since he didn't add any! (I will add his screenshot, his original post that this was replying to, and this post, and pretty much everything to my pinned. Like I have no reason to hide anything idk. But give me time cuz I'm not usually on my pc)

1. This part happened before a screenshot above (first one). Context is one of my alters told him they didn't have feelings for him, but still were happy to date since I'm a system and my other alters had feelings. They said they didn't feel comfy talking more about it besides what they shared and wanted time. He responded really reasonably to my face and pretended he was fine but simultaneously deleted literally everything about me everywhere.

So before this exchange, I saw he deleted his bio site off his pinned (a rentry thing I coded, not the netlify) and removed every single post from his blog he'd tagged for me - I talked to him about how much it hurt me and it made me feel like he was cutting me outof his life. (over call so I can't say how he replied, but this one wasn't emotional either I think) Later, in the convo he posted, I realised how extensively he'd thought to purge everything about me from his life (I would never consider to delete an app...) so I felt hurt again. Imo I'm allowed to show that I'm upset when I'm telling my best friend and person I'm dating he acted in an extremely over the top way that made me feel like he didn't want me any more, when the only crime I committed to cause it was being honest with him that one of my alters didn't have romantic feelings (a thing we had discussed before and he said was normal and wouldn't bother him) . All I was looking for was reassurance that he did want me in his life when all the signs pointed otherwise. but instead it blew up into a whole thing, bc he made excuses about how he only did it bc his life was so difficult atm, and it made Him feel so scared bc I didn't let him talk to me, that's what made him act like that. I don't think it's hard to see the implication that if I'd just talked about it he wouldn't have treated me hurtfully, regardless of if he thought about it or not.

This happened before a lot of our other discussions where he always encouraged me to tell him things "immediately" btw, and encouraged me to believe it wasn't good for me to do otherwise, even if the delay was only "hours or days" and the only trouble I expressed over it was feeling bad for making him feel bad (bc it did not bother me). I increasingly started calling myself a problem for not doing it and felt like it was wrong of me to struggle with needing time to process it or settle my feelings before a discussion. He knew it was already extremely hard for me to say anything at all bc of my own trauma and experiences (but unlike his excuses I actually did it still). This pressure made it even more difficult to tell him how I felt later on

1. League: I just wanted to play SR or nothing, I just felt sad? He rarely played it with me and I didn't usually ask bc I didn't mind playing ARAM while he had strong feelings about hating SR. I was being silly about saying I hate ARAM, I feel the tone before that point is light-hearted? I was really excited that he seemed willing to do something he hated (play on OCE) because it rarely happened and I thought it meant he'd easily exchange one hate for another. So I was crushed. I was already in a bad mood. I didn't even take it out on him I just left

2. The rest of this is just our last exchange/s, I'm not gonna check atm if he left stuff out. Yeah I was miserable. Make sure you check the timestamps irt thinking about my behaviour to verify that. After we had our long discussion, we took a break and talked very little then for a month ish? During that time I realised how much he dismissed my feelings and my concerns about our relationship during that discussion, and no one else made me feel so horrible all the time. So I ended it, because I didn't feel like I could trust him again and I didn't want to keep saying it to him and hurting him either. Which is what I said in those screenshots, if we're just going to keep hurting each other I wanted to end it.

3. Please check @/opioid's text tag yourself if you want to see how positively my alter spoke of him. I'm confused what her vent posts are supposed to show, because these are from closer to the start of us knowing each other, early 2024 (we met late 2023). He knew I had just gotten out of a relationship & friend group where I'd been neglected and felt worthless, and we became close right after I hospitalised myself bc I was going to kill myself otherwise, so um yeah she felt worthless and he was her only friend... He supported me through this whole process and because of that I'm still alive today. :/ When we met I wanted to die and sat in my garage with my noose set up thinking about how there was nothing good in my life, and I almost did it - meeting him saved me bc I couldn't believe someone cared about me. That's my sob story. I worked on getting better, and I don't really know why this is relevant when our relation later pivoted to me being well enough that I didn't talk about my issues bc I wanted to support him bc he was always suicidal and miserable bc of his abuse. He definitely didn't feel obligated to keep supporting me or anything bc he didn't do that (which was fine i didn't ask for it or want it). And I have the logs of him threatening suicide bc i broke up with him and plenty of ppl who can agree that he made them afraid he was going to kill himself so they had to constantly support him. (ask to see them. I still want to not make his vulnerable stuff too public)

4. The vague post isn't about him lol... It literally refers to him in it as my bf... It was about reconnecting with someone from my past. Check out the posts. The first post was about blocking this person, and she vented to him in DMs immediately after posting it - ask if you need to see it, but I feel like these posts and her blog as a whole provide enough context to make it obvious it's not him. He's always known these posts were there, and he had them liked previously I'm pretty sure, so he knew who they were about. He's just lying. I corrected her cry typing because its hard to read, all times in AEST:

March 23, 2024 (9.49pm):

"finally did it (cheering from my friends and bf who were sick of my bs)"

March 24, 2024 (6.22am):

"it feels bad but im still relieved. i gave him plenty of time, but i deserve better than to have someone i love just repeating the mistreatment i literally told them I experienced for years, and then not give a fuck about changing. just making excuses and saying hes "not online much" and blah blah. no you just cant be honest with me and you dont think of me and youre fine treating me like garbage and not thinking of my feelings"

Posted same day, 6.24am:

"loving someone who just doesnt give a fuck about you sucks"

Posted same day, 9.10pm:

"i know it was the best choice but. man. like what my bf was telling me, they suck. my friends were saying the same. my psychologist doesn’t make such strong statements but she absolutely was trying to convince me to rethink my choices and she didn't think it was good to continue being friends with them but -_- idk it feels bad lol. i just dont understand why it had to turn out like this when its so easy to just communicate and tell the truth. im just heartbroken we couldn't be friends after how long ive wanted a good relationship. they just treated me horribly like the relationships i told them id been experiencing for the past four years. i feel like ive just missed my chance, but theyre not the only person in the world, and there are other people who exist who will appreciate and love me and never want to put me through this"

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