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another genshin character rambling; kamisato ayaka
i just realized why i have my reservation for ayaka. she reminded me so much of a friend i had back in my college days. thereās this post i made way back about āself reflectionā and my experience.
first and foremost iāve never been the āsaviorā kind of person. iām not an extrovert. iām self-proclaimed the most introvert out there to a point of chronic hermit. but when iām placed in a group settings (especially those with small groups) i become very social. my switch is just kind of flipped on to mold into the situation and condition needed me to be. this isnāt me being ppl pleaser. far from it. this is me trying to socialize and try to āhumanā and to fit in with society.
while iām very aware and familiar of human behaviors and their patterns, iām not actually able to feel sympathy towards most ppl i talked to. i empathize with them. itās very different. for me when i listened to someone i tried to put myself in their situation and condition, understanding how they feel and course of action. but in my brain, i know iām not them. when said person look to me for advice, i always can do it bcs i automatically compared that simulation of their experience to my memory and past experiences. iāve always been aware the divide between me and others and that iāll never completely understand other people. bcs their life is theirs, so is mine. we have different way of thinking, therefore there will never be a 100% understanding, at most maybe 80%-90%.
when i tried to understand someone i spend my time with them. i do this especially for my friends in equal manner. i always tried to split my time for what small circle i have and have quality times. most usually have no problem with my intense need of that quality times while others reacted in two ways. either they turned off and gradually moving away, or they ended up having a crush on me.
what happened between ayaka and traveler happened to me two or three times in my 4 years of undergraduate alone. one of them almost escaped my attention until my bestfriend told me about that one guy who had a crush on me. i donāt even want to think about when i was younger, maybe there are others that i didnāt know.
people like ayaka never knew what companionship is. itās more than just spending times together and having your thoughts and words heard. theyāre akin to a person who is dying of thirst in a desert. that āwaterā is affection. affection isnāt always romantic, it can be platonic too. the way i spent my time is how i show my affection to my friends and family. unfortunately some ppl who never had a friend or received a healthy amount of attention given to them, me spending time with them means i gave them āspecialā attention and in reaction to that the person began to develop feelings overtime.
itās always the shy smiles, the eagerness to have more time together..
i had to reject someoneās heart multiple times, with different people, because of this misguided admiration. on one hand i canāt and couldnāt blame them for thinking the way they did. they never knew what and how genuine friendship works. on the other hand i felt bad for them. it always sent me into this spiral of āwhat did i do?ā āwhat did i say?ā āwas it ok for me to do that?ā from time to time.
also, i hate seeing someoneās crying or sad or heartbroken because of me.
i guess in a way ayaka reminded me of that one girl i rejected in my college days. i feel the need to stay away from her to avoid the growing sentiments from ayaka. it was unbidden for me. especially after how ayakaās character story ended. the other reason for me not liking her is bcs she IS kind of mary sue. she has the illusion of being the perfect noble lady; rich, smart,Ā beautiful, strong and she IS meta in-game. a lot of ppl use her bcs how OP she is. adding to that i found myself hating the metaslaves part of the fandom. theyāre rude, some are so full of themselves and thinks the world revolved around them.
there are layers to my feelings for ayakaās characterization. as much as i try to redeem her in my brain, i simply cannot bring myself to like her. i just canāt.
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i kinda want to ramble a bit about genshin characters and my personal opinion about them.
[ those who deserve the whole world ]
i donāt think i need to explain why xiao is up there. the reason iām liking aether more is not only well, he is male traveler.. but also thereās always been this widespread headcanon in the fandom heās the defensive traveler to lumineās offensive side (iāve always been a defensive player in games that has ātankā characters). not to mention his CN and JP VA simply makes me melt. aether is the softer one and iām weak for softie-male character which include kazuha as well.
i wonāt say a lot for kaeluc and cynonari-collei bcs they simply has the best interaction with each other, interesting personality-dynamic also simply endearing. i put them there all together bcs theyāre a package deal to me.
candace is an exception. the reason why is bcs i love her design and her JP VA is amazing. very different than EN where sheās portrayed to be a powerful woman with a touch of femininity, the JP dub is on the other side of the spectrum. JP candace is soft through and through, the way she spoke, her tone of voice. but she also slip some well-placed words in her conversation that speaks hidden strength (es[ecially present in the archon quest). i like her more with this overwhelmingly mother-like quality but low-key strong woman because her visual backed it imo. her hairstyle is really feminine. she got the hime-cut for godās sake. but itās cut short with very practical clothing (which indicate her strong-woman nature) while draped in sash and decorations to emphasize more of that gracefulness of refined woman.
[ i like you ]
i have a lot of ppl in this category bcs i do like a lot of characterās stories. i have characters whose personality is interesting and idk if theyāre actual ppl i can befriend them. but i do want to get to know them more. iām curious about them. this category include; fischl, lisa, ayato, yanfei and heizhou.
then there are characters who i want to talk to bcs i think theyāll give me interesting direction of conversation. these characters include; albedo, venti, xinqiu, mona, childe, zhongli, ningguang, and kuki.
i have characters that iād like to see them as someone who takes care of me, in platonic way. theyāre amber and yoimiya. why? i think this is bcs iām not a cheery person, i always look at them in admiration. even in real life, i admire ppl who has positive outlook to life and cheery disposition.
then there are characters that makes my older sibling radar buzzing. they give me urges to takes care of them. cook them food, wrapped them in a blanket and pat their head kind-of-way. theyāre; gorou, barbara, razor, bennett, chongyun, lumine, noelle, kokomi, sucrose and layla.
xiangling and itto left. they both are the kind of characters i like bcs if theyāre my friends, i know my day would be unpredictable with wild adventures. they both are fun ppl, the absurd, quirky kind-of-way. iām not an adventurous person bcs i like things planned but once in a while, i like having someone tugged me into one. just for change of pace.
[ i acknowledge you exist]
most in here are women bcs this game has too many of them and not enough men. i play this game for the men. so yeah. these are mostly women whose personality is just bit too boring or too wacky for me.
idk about aloy bcs i play on mobile, so. there.
there are characters who are just there to tick the mommy box which iām never a fan of. the reason why lisa isnāt here is bcs i find the way she does her work interesting. lisa only ever tell half-lie without giving other ppl unnecessary grieve. yes, this is for yae who makes my aether work for her for free for those novels in her character story. maybe itās bcs sheās a kitsune and thatās why yae is shady and intentionally put ppl in some kind of misery, but still. if it were a real world, i donāt think itās funny she took the money that shouldāve been ours not hers to spend for luxurious food. ppl will call her out by being shady and abusive towards her employee.
other mommy type that i find boring are jean and sara. i appreciate them being hardworking ppl but if you leave that out, i canāt find any interesting bit to their personality if thereās any. sara especially bcs of how devoted she is to raiden shogun. i donāt like military-simp characters. theyāre giving me brainwashed, culty-like vibe.
i hate eula character story. the challenges were annoying (i stopped continuing her story for a month or two bcs how bullshit the challenges were). i still hold her, the character, for that. fuck being graceful and aristocratic. i donāt want that.
thereās rosaria. which.. idk what sheās supposed to be other than filling the trope of āsinful-sisterā. i like using her in overworld but as a character sheās kind of bland imo. even in JP, all i get from her is sheās kinda edgy or a female version of kaeya. thatās that.
oh also letās not forget shenhe and yelan whose purpose is low-key eye-candy. as interesting as their character story were, which i enjoyed completely btw. i donāt like it when developers, writers or artists made female characters with visual design that includes tight-skin full body suit for the low-key purpose to draw their body lines so blatantly without it being flagged as nudity. it left bad taste in my mouth.
then thereās the two favorites from the metaslaves; hutao and ganyu. i actually wanted to put ganyu with raiden shogun and ayaka down there but ultimately i feel more indifferent than dislike towards ganyuās character. ganyu is just kind of boring to me. sheās like jean. overworked sexy lady with soft-spoken and polite way of talking. which is not interesting for me.
hutao.. i remembered playing her story i get annoyed at her in the beginning of it. i admire her drive with her job but as a character, sheās the kind of person i wouldnāt want to be friends with. iāll simply avoid her irl to which i say, i already did. iāve met a person similar to hutao irl and i simply cannot stand with the way they speak of things. sure theyāre capable and got the job done but i think there are times when you need to phrase things in a better way. but i know they wonāt bcs thatās just their personality. work-partner? sure. friends? no.
keqing is actually has interesting way of looking at things, which i also agreed. but i donāt like her brusque way of interacting. sheās the tsundere trope kind-of girl with twintail. which is overdone imo. which is also why despite her interesting takes, i find her āboringā. bcs sheās there to tick trope boxes imo.
xinyan and yunjin. ahh these two. no offense but theyāre forgettable. xinyan is painfully so. yunjin only remembered by ppl bcs of the opera singing thing imo. i like their personality, theyāre decent. but yeah. just being decent is not interesting. thereās also nilou. sheās also like yunjin for me. decent character but not interesting enough. i plan to pull for her in the future for re-runs though. the only reason being, i like her JP VA.
then thereās klee and nahida. these two are the only child model iām indifferent to and not outright disliking them. the reason for klee is bcs sheās the most tolerable one out of every child-model personality and design wise. i kind of icky about nahida sometimes act like a child, sometimes not. but i do empathized with her story. also i hate to say this but i understand all of her analogies and i relate to that. i also tend to talk irl with analogies. but iām not a fan of her having child-model. she would be on [ i like you ] section if she has teen model.
scara. oh god scaramouche. i feel like iām going to need to write an essay about him. anyway, i probably will so, i wonāt explain here.
[ i empathic to you but i canāt like you ]
raiden shogun; i also will have a goddamn essay for her.
ayaka; the yamato nadeshiko trope, tick-box character. i always have reservation for character whose trope is yamato nadeshiko. for me they usually kind-of a mary sue. ayaka is close to that imo. i understand her struggle, but ultimately i could careless bcs of how mihoyo create her personality.
[ pls go away ]
i dislike loli. i dislike children. most lolis will ended up in this tier. sayu is boring. diona is loli, kemono-mimi fetish bait. dori is scummy and her JP VA did a real good job of making her voice really annoying and i say that as compliment from a former theatrical club kid. bcs itās not easy to convey characterization by voice alone and her JP VA nailed that.
qiqi... oh god qiqi. i donāt hate her bcs i lost 50/50 to her. i hate her bcs there used to be someone i know about who likes to play/main genshin as qiqi and theyāre real asshole as a person. i canāt look at qiqi and not remember that person.
i dislike faruzanās design. nothing can make me change that opinion. if mihoyo wanted to make that kind of design, might as well go with western name. donāt use āfaruzanā. her design is so generic it doesnāt fit well with other sumeru characters. how do i know that? try change her name to Nina or Rose or something generic, put her in with Mondstadt characters. i bet she blend well. even nahida, alhaitham and collei, as fantasy-esque as they are, they donāt blend with Mondstadt crowd bcs their design has sumeru-flavor to it.
this is tumblr exclusive post. i made a Tangled/Genshin mash up weeks ago. i had this finished and one sketch. had around 4 planned out. Paimon is the horse in this, idk if i should add the chameleon bcs idk who to cast as Pascal.
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this is really random and ik you havenāt been in here for a while but I just read your post about how you feel bad about being nice cause you accidentally give people the wrong idea and YES I just find it so ironic that i stumbled upon this right after this happened with me and my best friend:( and i felt so bad cause Iād always compliment her cause she deserved it and i thought I was just being a decent human being but ugh and then she got super angry at me and now everything is awkward ihateit
hello,
i know i'm late to reply to this. but i totally feel you. sometimes what we think a good thing, it doesn't translate into that in another person's mind. but you know, it's not like we're a mind reader. we tried our best to be decent. if in the end it's not enough, what can we do.. really. nowadays i just let things happens. i tried to be nice when i need to be and no more than that.
as long as we're not intentionally be harmful to others, i think that's okay enough. their reactions and opinions are their own. just remember to take care of yourself too. i don't think it's right if we're too busy filling everyone's cup but neglected our own. :)