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Switching between these every day

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doomdaysdecays-deactivated20251

if i had to explain what tumblr is like i’d only show this

moon-grub

No one seems to be acknowledging the far funnier element of this, which is, that when you go to the commenter’s account, you find out they are actually fucking roleplaying as a sexually repressed skeleton and jjst really committed to the bit while everyone in the reblogs is talking about how much they hate minors or whatever. thank you kharak the skeleton servant of the almighty lich king

nerdragons-hoard

if i had to explain what tumblr is like i’d only show this

original-blog-deactivated

Original poster deactivated 18’th of November 2025

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

it's healthy for academics to have professional feuds. enrichment activity

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

Holy shit. "The demese ef the Ne'enderthels: Wes lengege a fecter?" published in the Science magazine

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

short but sweet

gigglepuffpixie

shamebats

If you see the quote "I refuse to share my body with a man who wouldn't defend it politically" or any variation of it floating around the internet — it was Kat Blaque who originally said it and she would really appreciate it if people gave her proper credit for it but it's gone viral on a lot of different platforms and most of the people sharing it don't know it's from her or choose not to credit her on purpose.

shamebats

Like I just know terfs are going to be parroting it pretending it wasn't said by a black trans woman about herself & her life.

pangur-and-grim

also omg want some sad news 😞 so in my family there’s like…..a genetic history of going totally white-haired in your twenties. and guess what finally struck me this year

pangur-and-grim

what is thilf??? Them I’d Like To Fuck?

pangur-and-grim

what’s a Thranduil?? is this gen z slang?

pangur-and-grim

NOOOO NOT THE NICHOLAS CAGE ELF

pangur-and-grim

for a solid half second I forgot hair dye was a thing & thought you were saying I could kill myself if I didnt like grey hair

pangur-and-grim

ive been informed that the man above is not Nicholas Cage, but in my defence they both have eyebrows

deepfriedanon

Are you suggesting most people don’t have eyebrows?

pangur-and-grim

please you have to understand

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alohomorablue

HAPPY NEW YEAR ERRYBODY ILY all have a GREAT 2014

kaity--did

The problem with having a child with an attorney that has spoken to the child like an adult since birth is that she's 4 years old and she's negotiating the order in which we're going to complete tasks as a family to best suit her idea of an ideal day.

kaity--did

Penny: We go home, we play the mirror game, we have dessert, we play more games, we have fun deal?

Me: Okay well actually we're going to go home, have dinner, then dessert, then we can play your video game, then tubby then bed

Penny: Okay no tubby, games first, deal?

Me: This is not - what is happening right now?

Penny: Dada?

Dada: Arbitration?

Penny: DEALS!

kaity--did

Every single thing in our lives has become a negotiation and it is frankly ridiculous as it is hilarious.

Penny: I want to use bare foot when we go outside

Me: I didn't know we were going outside but you have to wear shoes girl

Penny: okay but what about I use bare foot's but at Penny's house? This deal?

Me: you know what yeah fine if you agree to not fight about shoes when we leave the house you can be barefoot in the back yard, deal.

Penny: -sticks her hand out expectantly- we deal?

I think I just made a verbal contract with a 4 year old.

kaity--did

She's attempting to establish evidence I think

Penny: but I want to go shool pwease

Dada: okay well it is 8pm, so you have to go to sleep now

Penny: okay but I see my fwiends at shool now please, deal?

Dada: Darling no one is at school, all your friends are asleep as well.

Penny: all Penny's fwiends are sweep? What about we... get in Dadas car and check to see watch them sweep, yes deal?

Dada: I cannot begin to explain to you why that can not happen

kaity--did

The great thing about being beholden to Penny the Deals Warlock is that she is also beholden to the art of the deal

Me: (watching Penny scoot her step stool over to where we keep the candy jar): hey honey we're literally walking out the door to go get dinner, maybe we wait on the candy okay?

Penny: Oh but I will have some candy?

Me: Why don't you come have some mac and cheese and then when we get home you can have some candy, deal?

Penny: (running out the door) oh, yes this is deals!

kaity--did

We are visiting my family and Papa has quickly had to pay patronage to Penny the Deals Warlock

Papa: (yesterday morning, when Penny was a little grumpy) What about you come downstairs and we'll have some waffles and then tomorrow Papa will take you to the Diner in town for breakfast?

Penny: (extending her tiny hand to a VERY confused man) this is deal?

Papa: (not knowing hes entering a literal contract) uhm yeah deal.

-smash cut to 6:30 AM this morning-

Penny (running down the hallway in bare feet) 👹BREAKFAST DEALS👹

kaity--did

Penny has a canker sore to end all canker sores, to the point where she hasn't been able to eat so we had to make some deals surrounding getting some medicine on it because a hungry Penny Rose is like a angry demon queen

Me: Okay baby this is going to suck. This is going to hurt real bad for a second and then it's going to feel weird and then it's going to feel good. You're going to hate it. But if you let Mama get these three medicines in and on you [Listerine, Antacid, Tylenol] you can scream it out and then we'll go get some ice cream! Deal?

Penny: (obviously not thrilled with this idea) okay, three big shreams, three medicines, ice cream ... it will suck... ice cream ... deal. (Sticks out hand and we shake on it)

Me: okay let's do this I'm so sorry (starts the process)

Penny: ( In between her big screams ) IM GONNA GET LOTS OF FRINKLES

kaity--did

My husband is trying to make a deal with Penny to get upstairs and get in the bath tub

Penny: I will go upstairs and get my body clean but you hafta titch me, deal?

Dada: I would love to make this deal with you kid but I literally have no idea what you are saying- I don't know what the terms are, you're speaking a language I don't speak

Penny: you have to titch me like mama does okay DEAL!? (Sticks tiny hand out aggressively)

Dada: (looks at me bewildered for help)

Me: ( starts making a quick tick tick tick sound imitating a stop watch like I'm timing her, while penny jumps around yelling YES TITCH ME LIKE THAT)

Dada: In what world was I ever going to figure that out, thank you for acting as our legal interpreter yes deal let's go!

and off she sprints.

kaity--did

Penny does not want to go to bed, but man is it time for her to go to bed

Penny: But I don't want to be sleeping, I want to stay up now! I want to see Grampy and Cozy and Guppie and Papa!

Mama: What if we video call all the grands and say good night to everyone? If we do that will you then go to bed no fussing?

Penny: Oh yes, this is deals! -sticks her hand out to shake-

** we make the rounds and video call all her grandparents, they are all already in bed and say good night and penny hangs up the last video call and toddles into bed with minimal fussing **

Penny : (after a few minutes of silence, over the video monitor, to herself in her dark bedroom) I hafta respect da deals.

kaity--did

Every morning Penny wakes up, and she asks if we have decorated her house with "Halloween every where" and every morning I have had to tell her not yet baby but soon. This last morning Penny had to go to pre k a little earlier then she is used to cause Daddy had court and I had a dentist appointment, which made her a little bummed out... or so I thought

Me: Hey baby do you want to make a deal about school?

Penny: (immediately sticks out her hand, literally no hesitation, her entire demeanor changing in an instant) yes let's deals, I will be big and brave and go to school no fussing, and you will put Halloween every where all over my house, okay this is deals Mama??

I think I just got hustled by a 4 year old...

kaity--did

A tangentially related update :

Penny: (is doing some strange interpretive dance to let us know she's not a fan of the cup we've chosen to put her juice in, mind you this is the only clean cup at this moment. She is hopping up and down, and swinging her arm like an elephant trunk, she is pirouetting, her hands are on her hips. Shes is completely silent)

Husband: (exasperated) okay but DID you make a deal with SOMETHING while you were pregnant ? It's the only explanation I can come up with.

kaity--did

sometimes people will ask me if penny is still making deals and here is an update for you to let you know:

Husband: okay, you can not leave your room until someone comes and gets you okay? You're getting up way too early and we're guests in Papa and Guppies house so you stay and play in your room and someone will come get you when you can come out of your room tomorrow morning, deal?

Penny: (hand extended, plotting) deal

-smash cut to the next morning, penny is NOT in her room at the allotted 7:30 AM retrieve Penny Rose Time, we find her in bed cuddled up with my mom and dad watching a movie-

Penny: (hands out in a "calm down" gesture) LISTEN LISTEN I DIDNT LEAVE! I DIDNT- I didn't break da deals! I just knocked on the door until Papa came and got me.

Papa: (laughing hysterically) WELL DONT SNITCH!

Penny: I DIDNT DO NOTHING I KEPT MY DEALS! YOU JUS SAID SOMEONE HAD TO COME GET ME! PAPA COME GET ME!

(so we have to be insanely detailed in our deals because she did knock on her bed room door and yell PAPA! PAPA! PAPA! At 4:30 in the morning until my dad came and got her and you know what that's on us 🤣)

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

Rate different bats.

…i will do it for 4 dollars

alright so, bats!

(rated by their efficacy and how satisfying they would be to fend off a home invasion)

wooden bat. solid, heavy duty, could easily be used to rattle the bones of a nighttime intruder. perfectly serviceable weapon, if a bit heavy handed. a bit lacking in pizzazz though. where’s the style? where’s the razzle dazzle? still, i could give a house burglar a concussion with this, and ultimately that is what matters. 6/10

shiny aluminum baseball bat. now we’re talking. does everything the first bat does, but makes a pleasant ringing thud when it finally comes into contact with a home intruder’s skull. that’s what sells it right there. grievous bodily harm, and grievous injury to ego. now with sound effects straight out of a roadrunner cartoon. baby go night night with a riiiiing. i hit you with this, your head starts ringing like a churchbell. 8.5/10

i changed my mind: now we’re talking. has all the bells and whistles of the aforementioned models, with the added advantage that after you kick the sucker’s ass, you get to stand over them and add insult to injury. behold evildoer, you just got your ass handed to you by the cute and unforgiving face of Hello Kitty. 10/10

lacks the razzmatazz of hello kitty, but still a perfectly usable weapon. a true classic. add some stickers & neon duct tape and we’re good to go. just be careful not to stub your toe when cleaning your room. 10/10

yes, that is a katana doubling as a baseball. yes, this is overkill. no, i’m not complaining. truly glorious. you can kick someone’s ass with a bat, and if the sucker still won’t go down? then we move on to ROUND TWO. imagine you take a few swings at an intruder, they’re looking around for a makeshift weapon, a broom handle or something, but then they look back and you’re unsheathing a second, sharper weapon. from within the same weapon. how fucked up would that be???? 11/10 probably not useful for baseball but why would you want to waste a baseball bat doing sports

much thanks to anyone who donated, i’m paying off old utility bills

TUMBLR STOP COMPLAINING, YOU ASKED FOR BATS I GAVE YOU BATS

OK OK SHEESH

BATS!!! Let’s start right off the (heh) bat, with this delightful munchkin of whom I am so personally fond, the Hammerhead Bat!!!

most precious creature in existence, I want to bop its snoot. 100/100

next up: Buettikofer’s Epauletted Fruit Bat! A type of megabat (yes that’s a thing). looks like someone stuck the head of a disgruntled greyhound on top of an itty bitty bat body. 100/100

continuing with the delightful canine theme, may I present: Bulldog Bat (100/100)

and now, the Spotted Bat! because scientists really took a look at this fucker and said “you know what its most distinguishing feature is?”

that’s right, its spots. I can’t bring myself to deduct points from this heavenly creature just because humans dropping the ball on the name. 100/100 you’re doing amazing my darling.

thankfully, biologists did a better job naming the Giant Golden-Crowned Flying Fox

Golden? sorta. Flying fox? oh sure. Giant? YUH-UP. huge fucking unit, I hope you’re having a fantastic day sweetheart, 100/100

on the opposite end of the size spectrum, we have the absolutely sensational Honduran White Bat:

blinding perfection. 100/100 I want to use them as tiny cotton balls

equally near and dear in my affections, may I present: the Hairless Bat

Ma’am that is a naked mole rat with wings. 1000/1000

and finally, a big round of applause for the Wrinkle-Lipped Free-Tailed Bat!!!

those are just BABIES though, here is a Responsible Adult:

1000/1000 all bats are perfection incarnate

Keep reading

biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist

changing my url…broke the keep reading link? huh. webbed site.

Bonus of the hairless bat because I Love Them:

Bonus bonus: Buettikofer’s Epauletted Fruit Bat with its mouth full of fruit. I love you Buettikofer’s Epauletted Fruit Bat

BATS!!!!!

thewisewill80sbyers

"long chapter, sorry guys!"

????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????

"Here's a whole delicious cake I made only for you! Sorry that it's so big and delicious and makes you so happy, I made too much... 😔"

gay-mormon-wizard

"short chapter, sorry guys!"

"Here's a delicious cupcake I made just for you! Sorry it's such a sweet treat that's small enough to fit in your hand and eat without having to sit down and dirty a plate and silverware and makes you so happy,...."

iguanamouth

I really like winnie the pooh, Can you draw winnie the pooh pleaseeeeee

thetyrannosaur

Happy 10 year anniversary to this absolutely foundational post

skiingcows

#really cannot emphasize enough how much iguanamouth changed the site’s sense of humor and therefore the timeline of the western world

bogleech

A zillion people are asking in the notes so yes the legendary artist is alive and thriving having merely escaped the pull of social media posting and scrolling.

Earlier this year I played Rayman Legends in their house.

vocabulary-altering-posts

PHRASE ADDED!

BONUS!!! BIOSPHERE PERMANENTLY ALTERED!

“pull the trigger, piglet.”

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castformi-deactivated20241025

dystopia au where we are all assigned one of two chosen genders at birth

peppylilspitfuck

Thanks to ultrasounds, the genders can be assigned before birth. The people are so excited to conform they throw “Gender reveal parties” to make sure their offspring exist in a strict binary since before they can even form thoughts.

slightlykylie

Children are color-coded according to their binary assignment.

darkersolstice

One of the genders is seen as inherently inferior.

yothobro-deactivated20200505

This all sounds really effing creepy when you put it that way

rooksandravens

#BECAUSE IT IS

fuckyeahfeminist

And if you deviate from the assigned gender you can be disowned by your family, fired from your job, and beaten by authorities.

rodserlingofficial

ruthyless-deactivated20140511

when i was younger i had a really bad fear of markiplier when i was going to sleep so my older brother gave me a watch that he set to like 8 hours ahead so that it was always daytime on the watch when i was asleep and he told me it would confuse markiplier and he would think it was daytime and get scared of the sun and leave me alone

tardis-mind-palace

Your brother is the best

elrondbaggins

Who the fuck changed this from vampires to Markiplier

aliceinpunderland-blog

the real question is why I was completely ready to accept that this person had a debilitating childhood fear of Markiplier

idkwhoiamanymorebutwtf

Same. I wad like “a little weird, but alright, they’re scared of Markiplier”

numberonechildheart

This post used to be about Danny Devito. What happened. How did it change.

thetruerarkher

There’s also a version with Seto Kaiba.

original-blog-deactivated

Original markiplier deactivated 11’th of May 2014

worldtherewithin

greelin

who else up & bisexual⁉️⁉️⁉️ And very afraid

greelin

if there’s anything i know for certain it’s that i am often up. and always bisexual. And scared

chaandarchive

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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allshipsareok

zykamiliah-temporal

i think we should bring this back (with some amendments ofc) if we ever needed an "internet etiquette" for the younger generations, now is the moment to remind them. purity culture kills fandom

as well as the three laws of fandom:

Don't Like, Don't Read (DL;DR), Your Kink is not My Kink And That's OK (YKINMKATO) and Ship and Let Ship

sorcererofsolitude

📣 Purity culture kills fandom! 📣

atlinmerrick

NO ONE LIVING hasn't been squicked out by something. There's over 7 billion of us, my delights and disgusts aren't universal. So I move on. Don't like the ship? Move on. Don't like____? Move on.

I am not an exception. Neither are you. I don't like it I move on and shut my gob about it because everyone everywhere is squicked out by something and they need to put the thing down and just…motor.

rewordthis

This but also:

Frames this entire post and hangs it over the fireplace.

deadinparadice

Don't ever hesitate. Reblog this. TUMBLR RULE. When you see it, REBLOG IT.

Depression Hotline:1-630-482-9696

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UK Helplines:

Samaritans (for any problem):08457909090 e-mail [email protected]

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Mind infoline (mental health information):0300 123 3393 e-mail: [email protected]

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b-eat eating disorder support:0845 634 14 14 (only open Mon-Fri 10.30am-8.30pm and Saturday 1pm-4.30pm) e-mail: [email protected]

b-eat youthline (for under 25’s with eating disorders):08456347650 (open Mon-Fri 4.30pm - 8.30pm, Saturday 1pm-4.30pm)

Cruse Bereavement Care:08444779400 e-mail: [email protected]

Frank (information and advice on drugs):0800776600

Drinkline:0800 9178282

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suicide hotlines;

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