A Wallflower at Heart

Recently started this new side hustle as a freelancer social media manager and branding strategist. 

Let’s amplify your brand’s voice and create clear messaging that turns your visitors into believers. 

As in grabe, alam mo yung tipong some of them critique my ideas but they don’t suggest anything naman to improve it; taga-complain lang. Then in the end, we go with my ideas anyways. 

Eh. Di. Wow. 

*internal screaming* Kayo a! Kayo. KAYO. 

I honestly don’t know how to feel after watching “I’m drunk, I love you.” I felt torn by that ending. On one hand..it hurts. As in, it REALLY hurts to know that even if you’ve loved someone for years, even if you’ve sacrificed so much to make that person happy and notice you as more than a friend, sometimes it just doesn’t end the way you want it to. But on the other hand, that’s reality. It’s harsh, but it’s a fucking reality. It’s reality to be with someone for years and not have them love you back in the same manner. It’s reality to confess to that person and, in your vulnerable states (they were both drunk), try to ease the pain by kissing. And it is a fucking reality to pretend like nothing happened after just so you can preserve what remains of your friendship (I’ve been there myself, but not saying whether I’m the confessor or confessee :p). 

Some might sympathize with Carson (the confessee). After all, it’s natural to think that she’s the one who got hurt the “most” right? 

Wrong.

Honestly, I think Dio was just as hurt and confused. Imagine, he went to La Union in the first place in the hopes of meeting a loved one from way before. Just the mere fact that he was willing to go all the way there for this woman shows how much he still cares for her (pag mahal mo nga naman diba?) But on the other hand, he also felt so vulnerable about the situation that  he asked his bestfriend (Carson) to go with him for moral support. And then, just when he and the woman finally got reunited and were actually starting to hit things off, Carson hits him with a bomb out of nowhere that she loves him, and has loved him for 7 years. It’s unfair. It’s no one’s fault necessarily (after all, I can’t exactly blame Carson for confessing. I mean, she’s been holding it in for 7 years already) but it’s still unfair. 

But to go back to the point, people think it’s easy for people to reject others. But that’s not true. Okay sana kung strangers lang (like people you meet at a bar, club, or whatnot) pero iba ang usapan kung kaibigan. If you’re friends, you feel comfortable around that person. You invested time and effort into each other. You’ve laughed together, talked about your dreams together, cried together. So if you have to hurt him/her, you also hurt yourself in the process. It’s maddening. This is sort of why I prefer making friends with girls instead of guys. That way, there’s less chance of that happening. 

Two days ago, I went out on a date and got much more than what I initially bargained for, and I don’t know how to feel about it. 

One of my weaknesses has always been the fact that I find it hard to say “no.” This time was no different. Don’t get me wrong though, I did say and hint often and strongly that I didn’t want to go through with it, but he could be persistent. And that’s the crucial part: the fact that he still wanted to go through even though I already said no. Usually, once I say it outright, guys back off because they respect that. But this guy didn’t. And that’s what bothers me the most. It was one of those times when I hated persistence, or at least felt like a victim of it. 

I just felt like things were happening too fast and too soon. And I’m scared of what happens when he comes back from business; scared of it happening again. I know I have to somehow communicate all of this to him so at least, I’m glad about the space right now. At least I’ll get some time to think, be with myself for a while, and reevaluate my decisions. 

I love serendipitous moments; those fleeting bits when you find something(that makes you happy)by accident. I had such a moment today.

 One of our required readings for a class is “The Graveyard Book” by Neil Gaiman. Even before, I always saw it in bookstores. It looked like a popular book because a lot of schools I know recommended it. But for some reason, I’ve never tried. Until now. 

And it. 

Is.

Amazing. 

Where do you see yourself 10 years from now?

This is one of the classic questions often asked in job interviews. However, common as it may be, the question still has the ability to trip anyone who is suddenly asked to confront the daunting future.

Actually, while reflecting on how best to answer this question, the poem “Success” written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow came to mind. It uses analogies such as mountains to argue that our goals look distant and intimidating from afar. However, as you approach nearer and view your dream at a closer angle, you realize that it’s not that frightening as you initially thought; that your goals and aspirations are surmountable after all.  That being said, 10 years from now, I see myself working for the education sector, probably in the Department of Education, or part of the administration team of a school. Coming from a family with a long line of educators, the teaching profession is something I highly admire and respect. I know how being a teacher here in the Philippines is especially challenging given how underrated it is in this society which values professions such as doctors, lawyers, and engineers. However, I still truly believe that education (in its many forms) is the key to achieve what you want in life, so it is something I intend to pursue.

Ugh, it’s just the first week of classes and the profs already assigned a shitload of homework -.-