pool of the dead.

   “Have you considered changing your long distance services? ‘Cause... What the fuck! Why do you still use a phone?”

   “That’s if you’re a wimp, which -- hah -- I am not. I got a solid nine inches that could stand to be ten, so -- “ Wade continued to flip through the book. “I think it’s a GREAT idea.”

   “Don’t tell me how to live my life!! I don’t even let me do that!!”

   I have all this beautiful icons, and I haven’t used any of them.

   “No, I asked if they’ve got any WAIFUS. I got a great deal on roaming data, screw this second-class hipster cafe wifi.” Wade let out a sigh, hands framed on his hips. There’s a pause, as he looked over the blonde -- no shit. “Hey, wait a second -- you look familiar. Oh -- something about yah whole face area... God. It’s on the tip of my TONGUE.”

   “Can you adopt me? For tax purposes. The IRS is convinced I’m a thirteen-year-old dependent. It’s a long, long story. Just sign here -- ”

   And to think I let you make me a bunch of themes and icons and aesthetic posts.

   I wish I was making this up. 

   On a sidenote, sorry for my cracktacular Wade. Feel free to approach me OoC if you wanna plot, send asks, all that good stuff. I need to read more comics & rewatch the movie, but yeah, just... Feel the urge to apologize for him sometimes. Like a mother.

   “I’ve seen the bitches you’ve pulled, sir. I respect a man as disgusting as myself who can still get with a collective hive mind -- just, mad props there. It’s like you don’t even care you smell like vomit.” There’s a severity to his tone that probably has no place in all that he’s just said. “But uh, real talk, gettin’ hurt is my job. I could take it. Have at, experiments, weird lasers, nothin’ kinky if possible.”

   “Look, I think you owe me an apology. Just say, I’m sorry I fucked up your whole life and subsequently insulted your impressive art skills, and also even though you’ve got weird skin now, you’re still hotter than me in every aspect. I can write that down, if you’d want -- ”

   “Yeah, well, believe it or NOT I know how hard it can be to keep hair lookin’ good, so sure as shit I’m gonna give you props!!! Unless you want me to tell you that you got a nice ass, or... I guess, what do guys say? You’ve got cake? I think that’s the THING.”