SAINT / WRAITH.

❝  you need someone.  let me be that person.  let me be what you need.  ❞

❝  look,  i dunno if i’m the kind of person you need or even want right now.  but i’m looking around and i’m the only one who’s here.  ❞

❝  i never realized how much i needed you until you were the one person who wasn’t there.  ❞

❝  you asked me once,  if i would ever take a chance on us…maybe that ship sailed.  but.  ask me again?  sometime— doesn’t have to be today.  maybe tomorrow just.  ask me again.  ❞

❝  i know i can’t protect you from everything,  but i wish you’d let me protect you from the things i can control.  ❞

❝  i used to have so much faith.  maybe not in deities or something but,  in the world.  the universe.  i believed their was a purpose to it all.  i’m not sure when i lost that.  ❞

❝  have you ever had something…missing?  like something just doesn’t feel right inside you but you don’t know what it is.  ❞

❝  sometimes,  i just need the world to be beautiful.  i know how dark and ugly it can be but i just want to see something good and focus only on it for a few minutes.  ❞

❝  i was sort’ve hoping you needed me.  is that selfish?  ❞

❝  people need someone to see them for what they are and not just see it but accept it.  i want to be that person for anyone i can…but it can be so suffocating to be that person and also remain unseen.  ❞

❝  sometimes i feel i’m being crushed under the weight of everything i’ll never be.  ❞

❝  you’re looking at me but you’re not seeing me.  do you know how that feels?  just see me.  please.  ❞

❝  i want to deserve you.  i’m trying to deserve you.  ❞

❝  i know i fucked up.  i know i did but don’t shut me out anymore.  let me in.  please let in.  ❞

❝  every time you smile at me,  i memorize it.  i remember each moment that i get to be the one to bring out that light inside you.  no matter what happens between us,  that’s what i’ll remember.   ❞

❝  i can’t help but think there’s got to be something out there for me,  somewhere.  just some place where i actually feel like i belong.  ❞ 

❝  the world is so big.  why do i never feel like i fit into it?  ❞

❝  when i’m with you i feel like myself.  i feel like every side of me is present and accepted.  and i feel good about it—  i feel good about who i am when i’m with you.  ❞

❝  do you like me?  i know you love me.  i know you care about me but.  do you like who i am?  ❞

❝  i want to look in the mirror one day and not feel uncomfortable with my own reflection.  ❞

❝  just take my hand and close your eyes.  pretend we’re anywhere else but here.  ❞

❝  so,  what would you be?  if you had to power to change all the things making you unhappy,  what would your life look like?  ❞

❝  do you even know what it does to me?  every time i see you cry,  any time you’re hurt even the smallest bit it just— do you realize how deeply you’ve imbedded yourself into my heart?  ❞

❝  i don’t feel like a whole person without you anymore.  i don’t fucking care if anyone else would say about that.  you’re part of who i am now.  the most important piece of me.  ❞

❝  every time you walk away you take another piece of me with you.  ❞

❝  i’m only really living in the moments when we’re together.  the rest is just existing until you look at me again.  ❞

❝  it feels like there’s a string around my heart and it’s connected to you.  everywhere you go you’re just tugging me behind,  pulling me towards you.  ❞

❝  you’ve got me in the palm of your hands.  you could crush me and i would still thank you for touching me at all.  ❞

❝  i no longer know where i end and you begin.  you’ve wound yourself around my soul so tightly,  you’re all i feel anymore.  ❞

❝  you’ve stolen my heart,  the least you could do is tell me what you intend to do with it.  ❞

❝  i don’t have perfect words.  i’m not the kind of person who knows how to sound poetic and shit.  so all i know what to tell you is that i belong to you.  i don’t know if you want me.  but i’m yours.  and at this point however it is you need me,  i’m here.  ❞

❝  you’re the only thing that matters anymore.  i can’t eat,  i can’t sleep—  all the goddamn cliches from every stupid movie and song.  you’re all i think about.  i’m useless except when i’m yours.  ❞

❝  i haven’t stopped thinking about the way you laugh.  i’m hoping i’ll get to hear it again.  ❞

❝  when your eyes are on me,  i feel like something worth seeing.  ❞

❝  just let me look at you for a little bit.  ❞

silver sparrow is a novel by tayari jones.

‘ i tell you everything and you tell me everything. ’

‘ you’re my family. ’

‘ you can’t take your medicine on an empty stomach. ’

‘ i’m here, baby. lie back down. ’

‘ to this day, when i hear anyone say that word, i feel loved. ’

‘ are you mad at me? ’

‘ don’t eat too much. ’

‘ please stop saying it. stop it before something happens. ’

‘ oh, baby, come here. ’

‘ come sit with me for a while. ’

‘ what doesn’t kill you, doesn’t kill you. that’s all you get. sometimes, you just have to hope that’s enough. ’

‘ why are you so quiet? ’

‘ i really can’t see a good way out of this. ’

‘ you awake? i can’t sleep. ’

‘ what happens in my life, in my world, doesn’t have anything to do with you. ’

‘ this is the time in your life when you need your mother the most. ’

‘ who doesn’t dream of being rescued? ’

‘ don’t try and act like you don’t understand what’s going on here. ’

‘ it’s about being grown. just listen for anything that doesn’t sound right. ’

‘ do you want me to fix you a sandwich? ’

‘ you’re all i have now. ’

‘ you had to draw the line somewhere. ’

‘ don’t talk to me like that. ’

‘ you are the secret. ’

‘  are  you  hitting  me  up  for  money  with  your  hand  on  my  uh—  ’

‘  are  you  here  to  save  me ?  ’

‘  are  you  sure  we  should  be  doing  this ?   it  kind  of  feels  like  cheating .  ’

‘  come  back  to  bed !  ’

‘  he  just  sent  me  flowers  that  you  send  to  someone  when  you’re  worried  they’ll  never  see  a  flower  again .  ’

‘  he  wore  the  perfume  of  death .  ’

‘  hi  there ,   little  future  train  wreck .  ’

‘  i  accept  that  you  will  be  a  little  intense   –   a  little  too  much  sometimes  because  you  care  so  much .  ’

‘  i  came  back  because  i’m  in  love  with  you .  ’

‘  i  couldn’t  have  you  find  out  without  me  being  there  to  hug  you .  ’

‘  i  don’t  think  there’ll  be  a  next  time .  ’

‘  i  hate  people .  ’

‘  i  knew  you  for  such  a  short  time   &   i’ve  missed  you  forever .  ’

‘  i  know  you’re  not  okay .   i  can  tell .  ’

‘  i  like  the  hat .   i  was  focused  on  that  most  of  the  time .  ’

‘  i  regretted  it  the  moment  i  said  it .  ’

‘  i  think  she’s  in  big  trouble .  ’

‘  i  wish  i  could  make  you  feel  dirty .  ’

‘  invitation’s  open .   you  can  come  along  if  you’d  like  to .  ’

‘  it’s  hard  to  face  the  truth  sometimes .   it’s  scary .  ’

‘  it’s  scary  not  knowing  what’s  coming  next ,   but  you’ve  got  the  worlds  best  safety net .  ’

‘  it’s  where  it  all  began .  ’

‘  i’ll  make  sure  you  get  your  jacket  back .  ’

‘  i’m  a  very  curious  person   &   i  try  not  to  underestimate  people .  ’

‘  i’m  not  here  to  see  you ,   i  have  a  life .   good  lord .  ’

‘  i’m  slowly  poisoning  my  father - in - law .  ’

‘  last  week  some  regrettable  utterances  were   .   .   .   uttered .  ’

‘  let’s  go .   or  we  could  stay   &   .   .   .   i’ll  kill  him .  ’

‘  majority  rules  might’ve  worked  in  medieval  times ,   but  we  live  in  a  civil  society  now .  ’

‘  please  don’t  help .  ’

‘  she  is  a  little  extra .   i  agree .  ’

‘  stay  here .   it’s  nice  here .  ’

‘  that  doesn’t  even  make  sense .  ’

‘  that’s  a  far  cry  from  cigarettes   &   sadness .   that’s  your  usual  m.o.  ’

‘  there’s  no  way  in  hell  that  you  should  have  a  baby .  ’

‘  this  is  unfortunate  timing .  ’

‘  was  that  anger  or  foreplay ?  ’

‘  we  are  lame .   we  are  so  lame .  ’

‘  we  have  a  text  chain .   it’s  mostly  gifs ,   but  sometimes  we  talk  about  how  messed  up  y’all  are .  ’

‘  well ,   if  you’d  let  me  demonstrate   .   .   .  ’

‘  whatever  you  need ,   i’ve  got  you .   all  hands  on  deck .  ’

‘  what’s  wrong  with  you ?   you  look  weird .  ’

‘  why  would  you  come  back ?  ’

‘  you  are  a  bad  girl .  ’

‘  you  are  so  lame .   you  are  both  so  lame .  ’

‘  you  came  across  the  country  to  say  you’re  sorry ?  ’

‘  you  can’t  go  into  marriage  thinking  about  ‘ forever ’ .   who  put  that  stupid  idea  into  your  head ?  ’

‘  you  dodged  a  very  slow  moving  bullet .   i’d  call  that  a  good  use  of  your  time .  ’

‘  you  don’t  need—-   you  don’t  need  an  explanation .  ’

‘  you  don’t  overthink  things  like  i  do .   that  could  be  a  good  thing  too .  ’

‘  you  feel  like  you  need  to  be  a  rock  for  them   &   that  apologizing  shows  vulnerability .  ’

‘  you  have  trouble  apologizing .  ’

‘  you  made  me  feel  dirty .   real  dirty .  ’

‘  your  affair  with  her  was  over .   you  should’ve  stayed  away .   why  did  you  come  back ?  ’

‘  you’re  just  saying  this  stuff  because  you’re  scared ,   or  i’m  scared ,   or  we’re  scared .  ’

sentences from amrit brar’s shitty horoscopes series. you may adjust as needed. part i.

BOOK VIII: MEDICINE

❛ you might not be afraid to die, but that doesn’t mean you’re ready. ❜

❛ you were a plague none were prepared for. ❜

❛ you are the mind and the malady, the medicine and the machine. ❜

❛ assholery is incurable. unfortunately. ❜

❛ no one’s going to notice the difference between you pushing dandelions or daisies, so leave them something worth talking about. ❜

❛ there’s no rule stating that parasites can’t be pretty. ❜

❛ justice: just us. ❜

❛ anathema - me without you. ❜

❛ you aren’t obligated to be anyone’s cure. ❜

❛ some are the bandage, some are the knife, some get creative.. ❜

❛ soothe what you can, fight what you can’t. ❜

❛ the only difference between a pathogen and a person is that one is far more creative with how they’ll infect you. ❜

BOOK IX: THE BODY AND THE WRECKAGE

❛ stranger things have happened. like you. you are happening all the time and should probably stop. ❜

❛ let none be the noose. ❜

❛ take what you can and run. ❜

❛ gratuitous violence: unnecessary, satisfying, heartbreaking, and so like everything else you love. ❜

❛ understanding builds bridges, suffering grows gardens, antipathy sets both on fire for shits and giggles. ❜

❛ there is a variety of sadness that makes a home in your guts and never quite leave. ❜

❛ you could have been anyone, operating this body. the good news is that you won! the bad news is that you’re stuck with it. ❜

❛ being loathsome and lovely in equal measure is probably a talent. somewhere. ❜

❛ why fear the dead, when you can fear the living? corpses in motion, cruelty and kindness. ❜

❛ if you’re forging your own path, be prepared to light your own pyre. ❜

❛ what possessed you to come this far? no, honestly. was it cute? ❜

❛ you can’t wrestle apologies from the sea or the sun but by fuck are you every going to try. ❜

BOOK X: LOVERS & LOSERS

❛ pick a place and die there. ❜

❛ i know you mean well. ❜

❛ may fortune favour the fuckups. ❜

❛ remarkable that one plane of existence can host so much (and so little) distance. the spaces between people, ideals, fingertips, the sky and the sea. ❜

❛ learn it’s best to bite your tongue. temper the nest of hornets in your loveless mouth. ❜

❛ i worry. i worry. worry. ❜

❛ time sours, rots, renews, sours again. ❜

❛ grief and growth live hand-in-hand. ❜

❛ sleeping, like dying, delivers you from one world to the next - to rest in crypts and wake in gardens. ❜

❛ words in couples carry weight: “fuck you.” “hell no.” “oh god.” “sorry mom.” ❜

❛ make room for small, fragile things, even with bones like cement and a leaden heart. ❜

❛ you win some, you lose some, you lie, cheat, and swindle some, you vanish on a crisp winter’s day never to be seen again. ❜

BOOK XII: ILLUMINATE

❛ quiet reflection is next to impossible if you mental landscape is one long scream. ❜

❛ you inspire me to be better! a better “what” is up for interpretation. (person? arsonist? alien?) ❜

❛ we don’t know where you came form, but we need you to go back. ❜

❛ the dark doesn’t intend to hurt you - only the creatures who plot during the cruel, cold light of day. ❜

❛ i lived better when i was ignorant of the sun, tucked away in your chest. ❜

❛ there’s asking for forgiveness, there’s asking for permission, and then there’s saying “fuck it,” and doing what you may. ❜

❛ if only it were easy! to wish and want for nothing. if only you weren’t less human for it - wishing and wanting for nothing. ❜

❛ in the end there is no blaze of glory. ❜

❛ love to distraction, die due to carelessness. ❜

❛ in the span of your life there’s plenty to avoid: the wicked, the merciless, the things you want for no reason other than wanting them. ❜

❛ you are dazzling and terrifying - those words are not as removed from one another as you may think. ❜

❛ flirt with death, tease the inevitable, give the void a saucy wink. ❜

BOOK XII: OBITUARIES

❛ things to bother believing in: love, switchblades, extraterrestrials. ❜

❛ let the record show that they were ill-equipped to deal with you. which is unsurprising, since you ill-equipped to deal with you. ❜

❛ you’ll be fertilizer regardless, might as well have interesting stories for the dirt. ❜

❛ there is an exhaustion that comes with living in an embrace like a vice, a kiss like a canker sore. ❜

❛ fear is an absence of understanding. horror is the act of understanding perfectly. ❜

❛ to labour in love, to toil in tenderness. ❜

❛ your love will always be rooted deeper than any grave. ❜

❛ you’ve long seen your downfall spelled out in another’s bones. ❜

❛ the victor spoils, the loser learns. ❜

❛ the body is rot waiting to happen. ❜

❛ you will have never loved for nothing. ❜