I appreciate you being the sacrifice to offer a differing POV. I wouldn't ever voice my opinion publicly because people are so unbelievably cruel, but I appreciate your willingness to. It feels isolating to not immediately want to condemn and distance myself, and read take after take that's nothing but "feel shame." To be able to read at least one take that's not pure denial, but offers other insight is a balm.
Maybe I too will feel different eventually, but being told "feel this or else you're bad" drives me nuts in these situations. My feelings are slow, can I please have room to feel them?
As you said, we are multi faceted entire people and I do not want to be told I'm a misogynist or abuse apologist for not immediately condemning someone. It's tiring.
Again, I genuinely appreciate it. I don't have the stomach to do it. You don't have to respond/maybe for the best if you don't.
I hope you don't mind me answering this. I feel that currently it's important for me to do so, so no one else feels alone.
You are not a bad person for questioning things, you are not a bad person for taking time with your emotions and you are especially not a bad person for waiting for confirmation.
It's speculation, that's all it is. We only know a bit of the story, we don't even know the full half of the story we've been given. Only pieces. How can we judge off of that? Why are we expected to change everything around us when such little information is offered?
I am voicing my differing opinion so others can be aware that it is not black and white. As you said, humans are multi faceted. Every situation involving people is not going to be black and white. There are going to be grey areas, there are things that are going to be blurry.
Making a quick judgement because a bunch of people on the Internet tell you to, is not fair to any party. I understand if that what you needed for yourself, but for me I needed to look at it differently or else I would've driven myself insane. It would be a different story if we had solid, clear evidence that it was who everyone thinks it is. But we don't.
I talked to my therapist about being told to feel shame (I was told this by someone in a reblog and in multiple asks, thanks anons! /sar). She told me
"You're in charge of what you feel, no one else is. Do you think you should feel shame [for not following the pack]?"
I told her no, and I wouldn't expect anyone else to feel shame either. We are human, but we need to have empathy for our fellow humans. The ones around us who are hurting or are simply taking a slower approach.
We don't know anything definite. Don't expect anyone to make a decision off speculation.
I don't know how I have the stomach, besides the fact I am tired of having to sit back and watch people tell others and myself how we're horrible people for taking a different look at it.
Thank you for sending this, anon<3 I woke up again and I am very happy to get to read this. I feel a lot better and I appreciate you. You are loved and appreciated and please, take care of yourself. You come first.
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