welcome to hell fuckers

a/n: i’m obsessed with knitting/crocheting bc i’m actually a very very ancient old elderly decrepit person trapped in the body of a sexy young lady. and i especially love knitting things for other ppl bc it makes me feel like a little christmas elf. so this is what i would make for each of the bad batch

***

Hunter: headband

yes this is an obvious one but i don’t care

hunter wears the same rotting headband every single day someone needs to provide him with extras so he can at least rotate them

headbands are really easy to knit so i could provide him with an endless supply of clean ones

ALSO it would be so cute to make the actual headband one of the bad batch colors (black, red, even white) and then crochet little appliqués to sew onto them

like the skull, 99, those would so cute on there like basically how the skull is on his already but more 3D

yarn is also most likely more breathable than whatever he’s currently got strapped on there so comfort wise it would be better too

Crosshair: beanie

crosshair is such a 2015 beanie dude

like i don’t mean that in any sort of way bc he’s a handsome young man BUT he’s very “i’m the misunderstood artsy loner guy who wears leather jackets and beanies and smokes cigarettes and reads classic literature”

and i love that energy for him so he deserves a beanie to compliment it

also i think crosshair is a very chronically cold person but is too proud to ever admit he’s cold so he won’t put on a jacket or use a blanket BUT he’ll wear his beanie bc he can pass it off as a fashion choice

Tech: tote bag

tech has so many god damn things

so many trinkets and gadgets and tools

HES GOT GADGETS AND GIZMOS A PLENTY HES GOT WHOZITS AND WHATZITS GALORE

but anyway he needs somewhere to put all of those things! and if that storage location is also mobile? even better!

I keep a lot of my things in tote bags (literally i keep my knitting stuff in a tote bag) bc it’s easier and then they’re ready to go if i need to transport them

i just think he would get a lot of use out of something like that, plus this is more of a time consuming project and he would have the patience to wait since it’s not a pressing need

i’m making a tote bag for myself right now and i’m knitting a design into it (eggplant emoji on one side, peach emoji on the other side) and i would def do a design on tech’s to make it more exciting and I think he would really appreciate the craftsmanship of it all

Wrecker: bucket hat

crosshair might be a beanie dude. but wrecker is 1000% a bucket hat dude

like wrecker is just such a chad in the best possible way (in the beloved himbo way) and i think his natural state is at like a tailgate (or some kind of outside day drinking event), hawaiian shirt unbuttoned, bucket hat on, sipping a bud light and playing cornhole

bucket hats are more of a crochet thing but they’re pretty easy and quick to make and they’re super cute with little appliqués sewn on like with hunters headband

he would love having a few different ones with different vibes like obvi some bad batch themed ones but other ones too

specifically the one i’m picturing in my head is like a pretty light blue with little white cloud appliqués sewn in all over so it looks like a beautiful blue sky

Echo: blanket

now this is a time consuming project. you gotta really love someone to devote this commitment to them

as much as i love all these lovely individuals, echo is the only one who deserves having these labors performed for his comfort

echo has had almost only the worst of times ever. now he’s like half robot and doesn’t even get to have a robot hand OR his own bed he sleeps in a fucking hammock

he deserves the world, the least i could do is make him a big cozy knit blanket

echo is also the only one who’s patient enough to wait for a nice blanket to be made. everyone else would get antsy too soon

i would use that big soft yarn they sell for baby blankets like i would just buy a fuck ton of it and it would be so comfy

Omega: sweater

omega is the only one i would make a sweater for

similarly to echo i think she’s the only one who deserves such a laborious task, but also she’s much much smaller than the rest so it would be way easier

not to be fully mrs weasley but i would def knit her initial into the sweater

NO I WOULD KNIT THE GREEK LETTER OMEGA INTO THE SWEATER THAT WOULD BE SO CUTE

a/n: this was too cute and i just had to do my sweet beautiful husband tech

“you remembered”

“how mad would you be if I kissed you?”

“you’re hugging me too tight”

***

You couldn't help the grin that had plastered itself on your face as you sidled up next to Tech's workbench, hands positioned behind your back as you clasped your present.

His eyes remained trained on the wires he was fiddling with as he pretended to remain indifferent to your presence. His smirk gave him away though, and you knew he was just waiting for you to declare yourself. You coughed a little, and he glanced over at you, taking in your barely-contained excitement as you bounced up and down on the balls of your feet.

"Is there something I can do for you?," Tech asked teasingly.

"I got you something," you proudly announced, smiling even wider as he turned in his seat to give you his full attention.

"You got me something?," he repeated, a brow quirking in confusion. "I was not aware there was an occasion that called for gift-giving."

"There's no occasion," you clarified for him with a giggle, still intent on drawing out the suspense of your surprise.

"Then why did you obtain a gift for me?"

"Wellllllll, you know a while ago when the hyperdrive broke, and you said that it would be easier to maintain if you had that fancy energy capacitor? The EMS-500?"

Tech's eyes widened at your explanation. He had said that the EMS-500 would allow him to maintain the hyperdrive's energy levels more efficiently, but it was just a passing comment he had grumbled out in his irritation. And it was months ago when the hyperdrive had broken.

"You remembered?," he asked, voice laced with bewilderment.

"Of course! I don't think I've ever seen you so frustrated with the ship before," you laughed again lightly before continuing.

"Anyway, I went with Hunter on the supply run earlier and one of the vendors had this and we had some extra credits sooo...," you paused as you dramatically revealed the device from behind your back.

"Ta-da!"

The shocked expression on Tech's features as he stood and took the capacitor from you was priceless. You waited for his review as he turned it over in his hands, meticulously examining every inch of it.

"Well," you prompted, "is it good? I was pretty sure it was the right one and the guy said it was brand new, but you know how those vendors will say just about anything to make a sale and-"

Your rambling was cut off as Tech's arms wrapped you, the capacitor placed on the work table as he lifted you off the ground and spun you around. You were a little surprised by the suddenness of his reaction, but the press of his warm body against yours as he thanked you served as a dazzlingly distraction from your initial .

Tech continued holding you as you giggled, wiggling against his firm grip.

“Teeeeech let me go! You’re hugging me too tight!”, you squealed, overdramatizing the force he was exerting on you.

He loosened his hold and pulled back slightly to meet your gaze, an unreadable but impossibly warm look hidden behind his goggles. Tech studied you for a few moments, examining your features before speaking.

“If you do not mind me asking, how mad would you be if I kissed you?”, he asked, his slightly nervous tone not lost on you.

Your smile widened as you glanced down, cheeks heating up as you avoided his eyes.

a/n: i wish i was evil but unfortunately i’m as soft as the top of a baby’s head and it didn’t sit right with my soul to leave this without a lighter ending so it’s only like 80% angst im sorryy

“don’t raise your fucking voice at me”

“don’t touch me!”

***

Steam practically poured out of your ears as you stared Crosshair down. His gaze was piercing, and its steely rage was the only aspect of his body language that truly betrayed how upset he was. That was one thing you fucking hated about him. Here you were, face red, chest heaving, nostrils flared, and the only thing that looked remotely bothered about him was the look in his eye.

You weren’t even really sure what you were arguing about anymore. That was another thing you hated about him. A fight with Crosshair— a real fight with him, not some petty disagreement or bickering— never seemed to end without a battle of passive aggression so extended that the original problem was long forgotten. Eventually the two of you would reach a stalemate, and a truce would be called at the raised white flag of your apology.

This time, though, was different. Because it was always your apology that ended the fight, never his. And you had had enough of Crosshair's attitude, his glares and his snide comments towards you. It was infuriating, and you vowed you wouldn't give him the satisfaction of declaring defeat. You couldn’t stomach the idea of once again putting aside your pride just to keep his intact.

Days passed, and the longer you stood your ground, the pissier he got towards you, as though he was throwing a tantrum that you hadn’t ended the fight yet.

So the fight had raged on, neither of you willing to back down and no end in sight.

Until today, when you offered to help Hunter and Wrecker move some cargo. You laughed at something Hunter said, some goofy comment about Gonky. You let Wrecker pick you up so he could show you that he was strong enough to lift you and the cargo box. And you did all this right in front of Crosshair, without a care in the world.

To say he was livid would be an understatement.

So now here you were, seething at each other in some room he all but dragged you into. You didn’t want to give in and be the first to speak, but the silence was suffocating.

“What do you want, Crosshair?”

He narrowed his eyes almost imperceptibly before replying.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

“What does that even mean!?”, you responded, voice laced with bewilderment.

Crosshair took a few steps towards you, his tall frame beginning to tower over you, the close proximity forcing you to look up at him.

“Did you think I couldn’t see you? Flirting with them like some common slut?”, he sneered at you.

You scoffed, shocked at the venomous words that were coming out of his mouth. He had never acted like this toward you before.

“You’re un-fucking-believable, you know that Cross? I’m not doing this with you right now.”

You turned on your heel to leave, but didn’t make it even two steps before he was grabbing your arm and pulling you back around towards him. You yanked yourself out of his grip, startled at his harshness.

“Don’t touch me!”, you yelled, furious and confused at the way he had manhandled you, your words accompanied by a finger being pointed into his chest.

Suddenly, the hand that had grabbed your arm was encircling your raised wrist, clenching it tightly as he brought his face closer to yours.

“Don’t raise your fucking voice at me,” Crosshair said, voice menacingly calm and eerily low. His grip on your wrist was only getting tighter, and the look in his eyes was frighteningly intense.

You had never been afraid of Crosshair before. You had seen him in combat, and you knew how scary he could be, but you yourself had never been scared of him. But now, with his fingers digging so hard into your skin there was sure to be bruises and his eyes boring into you, you felt a fearful uneasiness toward him.

“Cross,” you began quietly, “please let go of me.”

He didn’t respond, and his silence did nothing but increase your fear.

“Please,” you asked him again, “you’re hurting me.”

Maybe it was the pleading look in your eye, or the tremble in your voice, but something finally clicked. He released you and took a step back, blinking in surprise as though he was just as confused by his actions as you were. Relief flooded you as your wrist was freed, and you rubbed the skin lightly, already beginning to see the formation of some marks.

You glanced up at Crosshair to see him staring at your hand, an unreadable look on his face. He reached out very slowly to touch your bruised wrist, looking to you for confirmation before making contact, and examined it with a feather light touch for a few moments.

“I…,” he started, pausing to swallow thickly, “I’m… sorry. I’m really sorry. For all of it.”

A part of you— the stubborn part— felt you shouldn’t have forgiven him as quickly as you did, but between the sincerity of his apology and the glassiness of his eyes you couldn’t help it. You moved your hand so your fingers interlocked with his, and you gave him a small smile as you replied.

“That’s all I wanted from you, idiot. I can’t believe it was that hard to get a simple apology.”

Crosshair chuckled wryly and pulled you gently to his chest, wrapping his arms around you and speaking into your hair as he responded sarcastically.

“can i play with your hair”

“I’ve dreamt about this”

***

Hushed giggles filled the room as you and Tech lay in his bunk, your head on his chest and his legs tangled with yours. Your relationship was still new, so many things to still be shared, and the last few nights found the two of like this, cuddled into each other and whispering for hours about anything and everything.

You felt Tech shift slightly beneath you as you talked, and a few moments later he very shyly interrupted you.

“Would it be alright if…um….c-can i play with your hair?”

You smiled sweetly up at him as you gave him permission, laughing inwardly at his awkwardness. Tech was certainly a novice when it came to the intricacies of romantic affection, and his approach had so far been pretty timid, and yet extremely endearing.

Sighing as his digits began to comb through your locks, you finished explaining the insane dream you had had a few weeks ago.

“What about you?”, you questioned absently. “What’s the craziest dream you’ve ever had?”

Tech stayed quiet for a few moments, fingers briefly pausing as he collected his thoughts before replying.

“I’ve dreamt about this,” he answered, so quiet you almost missed it. You glanced up at him and your eyes locked on his, the adoration in his words and his gaze making your heart swell.

“Yeah?”, you asked with a light hum. “And is it everything you dreamed of?”

He grinned a little before craning his neck down and planting a gentle kiss on your nose.

hey folks! so i have a few requests sitting in my ask box and i don’t wanna seem like i’m ignoring them or like peace outing bc i do still wanna post bad batch content BUT i’m very very sick in the head and sometimes if a request doesn’t like instantly spark joy i simply can’t force myself to write it. like i hope that doesn’t make me sound like a wretched hag it’s just the reality unfortunately

HOWEVER like i said i don’t wanna just like not do anything so i’m gonna try doing prompt requests so that that way the idea is already there and juicy and i can actually write things!!

here’s the prompts i’m gonna use:

https://sapphicwhxre.tumblr.com/post/634121164366790656/prompts-list-150

could any of these individuals actually have an astrological chart? no. do i care? also no.

Hunter:

Taurus sun

Aries moon

Libra rising

Crosshair:

Scorpio sun

Leo moon

Capricorn rising

Tech:

Virgo sun

Aquarius moon

Leo rising

Wrecker:

Sagittarius sun

Cancer moon

Aries rising

Echo:

Gemini sun

Libra moon

Virgo rising

Omega:

Pisces sun

Cancer moon

tech tuesday is almost over (but not yet) so here’s a list of songs that make me think of him<3

Would You Be So Kind ~ dodie

Moonlight ~ Ariana Grande

Crazier ~ Taylor Swift

goodnight n go ~ Ariana Grande

When He Sees Me ~ Sara Bareilles (Waitress)

BF Material ~ Ariana Grande

Coffee Breath ~ Sofia Mills

Tee Shirt ~ Birdie

I Do Like You ~ Trixie Mattel

Get Like ~ Kehlani

Wildflower ~ 5 Seconds of Summer

Line Without a Hook ~ Ricky Montgomery

Enchanted ~ Taylor Swift

You Are In Love ~ Taylor Swift

Let’s Fall in Love for the Night ~ FINNEAS

I Think He Knows ~ Taylor Swift

Say It First ~ Sam Smith

TiO ~ ZAYN

Valentine ~ 5 Seconds of Summer

Fine Line ~ Harry Styles

Daydreamin ~ Ariana Grande

King Of My Heart ~ Taylor Swift

Come Back…Be Here ~ Taylor Swift

Cherry ~ Harry Styles

Thinking Bout You ~ Ariana Grande

imagine ~ Ariana Grande

Dancing With Our Hands Tied ~ Taylor Swift

Dress ~ Taylor Swift

Training Wheels ~ Melanie Martinez

Truly Madly Deeply ~ One Direction

love language ~ Ariana Grande

I Don’t Do Drugs ~ Doja Cat (feat. Ariana Grande)

Love Me Tender ~ Elvis Presley

Crush Culture ~ Conan Gray

i have not done this yet but i am frothing at the mouth at the opportunity! the lust that i feel for that man is indescribable

nsfw tech headcanons

warning: if the title wasn’t clear, these are literally just dirty dirty sex thoughts. X rated shit. if filth of this nature is not suitable for you plz don’t read<3