a more profound blog

[weasel? comes up to a fisherman]

@pregnantseinfeld informed me that I was in a Buzzfeed article (with @creamynut and @bootyscientist2) a few months ago and had no idea.

Turns out that Buzzfeed just embeds Tumblr posts.

So if they take a post you’re in and say, embed it from your blog:

You can go back to the post and edit it to whatever you want and it will appear in the article like that. So you can do things like add “pay me royalties” 100 times

and upload 10 pictures of Waluigi in the T Pose

So basically: I knew it might be impossible find vegetable shortening (aka Crisco) for my Thanksgiving pie crust here in Athens. Crisco is pretty uniquely American, and Greeks are more likely to use phyllo than shortcrust anyway. That said, there are a handful of specialty shops in central Athens that sell things like Heinz baked beans and custard powder and Worcestershire sauce and other Weird Foreign Foods™ so us Sad Homesick Expats don’t have to go hungry (I’m always reminded of A Passage to India and their corned beef and tinned peas). So I went on Skroutz (the search engine for buying stuff in Greece) and typed in “vegetable shortening” to see if any stores carried it.

A notification came up asking me to confirm that I was over 18 years old?

???

I clicked “yes”??

Turns out there is, in fact, one shop in Athens that carries vegetable shortening. It’s a sex shop. The shortening is listed under “sex essentials”, as lube. For fisting. It’s literally called “βούτυρο για fisting” – “butter for fisting”.

people have been building the hype for the past 8 years

At 10:48pm, I called everyone into my room. There had been a murder, and everybody was a suspect. Next to the body was a gun, and the party goers were quick to find the red fingerprints on it 

They found red fingerprints on a balloon and popped it to find a receipt for gum inside. Someone had been passing out gum all night, however they claimed someone else gave them the gum first.

the argument was going nowhere so we contacted the victims spirit. she led us to the REAL murder weapon: a 100% very real bottle of poison. my roommate claimed he saw someone earlier with that bottle, but before he could tell us…

the power went out! and when it came back on…

my roommate had been murdered! following the clues, we tracked down the true culprit to the bathroom, where he was trying to escape through the window

-when the trailer/preview dropped and everyone was like “uuuh looks gay” and then the actual first episode came out and we were like. Yep. Called it

-when someone finally translated Stammi Vicino and everyone got really excited because it was explicitly mlm

-for about the first three weeks everyone was like “there is no way this show can get any gayer” and then it regularly did so we all just gave up

-when people caught on the fact that the opening changed details with every new episode and got really excited, and that one person who made side by side comparisons of all openings every week

-that very short period of time when we genuinely couldn’t tell if Yurio was meant to be an antagonist or not

-I’m pretty sure Evgenia Medvedeva was there from the start and there was just this. Surreal feeling that along with all of us trash goblins one of the rising stars of the figure skating world was also very emotional over these anime boys

-on that note, those actual figure skating fans who were delivering a ton of meta over what actual skaters the characters were based on

-when everyone lost it after ep3 came out and we were all like! did Victor just tell Yuuri he loves him through food metaphors??

-just. “I’m a pork cutlet bowl fatale that enthralls men”. that was good shit

-the “Victor is going to leave Yuuri and break his heart!” discourse that came with that episode

-and then we all kinda calmed down with episode four and I remember everyone crying because,,,, they took one whole episode just for character development,,,,, we stan one (1) good anime

-the smol japanese skater that got really excited about meeting Yuuri and we were all like “mood”

-also when Christophe was introduced and everyone was just like, WHAT THE FUCK

-when ep6 came out with the preview for ep7 and everyone was like. THEY DIDN’T SHOW ANYTHING TOO GAY IN THE PREVIEW WHAT DOES THAT MEAN??? SHOULD WE WORRY???? (no literally I just found some screenshots of a text I sent to a friend of mine that says “the preview doesn’t look gay enough and I don’t trust that”)

-when ep. 7 dropped and everyone and their mother lost their shit and YOI trended for a whole week on tumblr and people were joining the fandom in HORDES which to this day is probably still the most surreal fandom experience I’ve ever had

-idk if this was a universal thing but the italian subfandom had all those michele crispino memes about wine

-also when Sara Crispino got introduced and the subtitles said Sala and everyone was crying because it was just really bad

-everyone shouting to know Victor’s backstory

-that whole week of being 100% convinced Makkachin would die, fun times

-when episode? 10 I think? came out and it was revealed that Yuuri had seduced Victor at the afterparty the previous year and everyone was LOSING IT

- that whole episode just killed everyone tbh

-also Otabek showed up and people were thirsting reaaal hard

-the Otayuri discourse which I’m assuming continues to this day

-HAMSTER META

-“I will give you something gold and shiny for your birthday” and everyone being like. Are they tricking us into thinking it’s a medal when it’s, in fact, a wedding ring, or are they tricking us into thinking it’s a wedding ring when it is, in fact, a medal?

-everyone crying after episode 11 and all the meta on what was gonna happen. I think the general opinion was that Yuuri would win gold and then he and Victor would retire together lmao

-also when it got strongly implied that Christophe had a boyfriend and people got really emotional, that was cute

-I just remember everyone dying over the final episode, with the freaking Stammi Vicino duet, tbh

-overall it was just a freaking wild experience and two years later I’m still so glad I was there for that

EDIT:

Jolene

just playing the new spider-man game when something caught my eye…!!!

Violating the Geneva Convention to bomb a lightbulb factory in Vietnam

Snubbed the Vietnamese peasant who saved his life after he crashed his plane in Vietnam while violating the mentioned Geneva Convention

Supporting legislation to forcefully relocate native American populations Calling Vietnamese people “g**ks” Using his power as a senator to help the Lincoln Savings and Loan Association swindle the life savings of tax payers in one of the biggest political scandals in American history as a member of the Keating Five

Singing that we should “bomb bomb bomb Iran” because he thought calling for support of the murder of millions of innocents was something funny.

Calling people “low life scum” who were protesting Henry Kissinger, a notorious American war criminal who played a role in the US-backed overthrow of the democratically elected president of Chile, Salvador Allende, and his replacement with the fascist Augusto Pinochet, who became known for tossing political dissidents out of helicopters.

Calling for war and/or supporting war in Afghanistan, Iraq, Syria, Libya, West and Central Africa, Iran, Bosnia and Kosovo, Ukraine, Russia, and the DPRK.

Hanging out with neo-Nazis in Ukraine and supporting them shortly before their coup in Ukraine

Later hanging out with neo-Nazis again and holding a “good meeting” with them

She out here calmly collecting their asses one by one with ease.