Five minute exercises. (Whiteboard writing)

We washed ourselves in Autumn leaves

Scrubbed clean of all we left behind

Smiles and miles away from home,

The cold chill in the air isn't a breeze.

Slated roofs and paths of gold, oh I adore,

cobbled steps we trickled down,

And I melted under your...

Hands held, breath cold, your perfume left a stain the air.

I held your heart into my chest and swallowed my pride,

Forbidden words, feelings of profound stillness echoed in my mind,

I'd say I love you, but we both know I lied.

...

Trees bare branches beyond our reach,

Stripped of all they knew,

Boxes and bags stacked behind our door

Hand prints unwashed on the coffee table left me watching more,

Hand prints on my pillow left me sore,

Your scent tastes my collar and runs down my spine,

Finally we explore the outside world, except you're not mine.

...

Leaves and sticks brush shelter down streets of stone,

Hills and twisting paths take us around,

Rubbing noses in the train station

Signals our last meeting

Where we called home.

Dark winter is only a bus away,

Stocked on promises of reunited,

Holding you in my arms, I shed a tear,

All I knew has changed and I was to blame,

I say goodbye but never forget your name.

...

We washed ourselves in Autumn leaves,

Scrubbed clean of summer's shine,

All we held was never mine,

Crumbling like the stems under our step,

An unsaved number flashes upon the screen

"hello, who's this?"

"hey it's me, how have you been?"

Silence intervenes like a referee before a knockout strike.

"you still remember me right?"

The phone vibrates in his hand due to nervousness and fear

He hoped this moment would never come to be

Coughing he makes his voice clear

"we agreed we wouldn't do this anymore,

I want to know how you are of course,

I think about you everyday, it was true what I said

A part of me will always love you and for us to talk again that part will grow

But we've been down that dusty road.

I can't hear your voice without my stomach becoming a cage for butterflies,

The only way I'll know this will work is if we give it a try"

The words come out faster than spilled water across a fire.

She pauses and sighs, she knows he's right.

"Forever and always" but not tonight

"maybe in a few months time but at first I have to be alone, to see if I can do this on my own"

He knows he can't but must give it a go.

A beep flickers and he puts down the phone.

But little would he know, what would happen if he stayed and asked her how she was, told her his real feelings, asked her to come back, embraced what he knew was fate's design.

Instead, that was the last time he heard her voice.

Gone forever and left with moments of what if?

Sun strokes your hair and with that I’m lost a maze of hesitation in my words floats like forgotten lyrics. With a glance I’m floored. Beauty contained within your flaws.

I can’t. Stop. But. Yet. You come back. I wonder if that is us done. Walking away until I can’t run. I want to know. Do you still care? Freckles on your face. Reminds of you elsewhere. Although. I’ll be back. Repeating in my mind like a amnesiac. Connecting dots in fragmented memories. What will be will be…

Freckles we stopped when summer ended Faded like the smile on your face When the sun descended. Freckles leaving me apprehended Caught been a rock and my heart’s place Feelings faded like the uniqueness of your face.

It’s been too quiet like an awkward pause, I’ve been gone for too long and now I’m forgetting what I can do Amnesia got me thinking back to when I was a youth.

We interrupt this train of thought to break this news: The world is still spinning and we’re all but doomed. Celebrities caked in make up and leaders we didn’t vote for hold the room Real life has turned into a terrible TV show And I’m just waiting for the credits to go Can we hit the reset button? We’re surrounded by wolves dressed as sheep dressed as mutton.

So find me hiding in solitude What I’m hearing can’t be true The voices of reason have been sold and if you speak up it’s treason. Media manipulating methodology Twisting scenes like contortionists do Ruin lives till they get called out and it’s ‘we’d like to issue this apology’ And on to the next victim they move.

A system which is fixed and we all play our part Too comfy in our own houses to force a change ‘oh but didn’t you hear that celebrity just got engaged?’ ‘Can you believe that talent show is staged?’ ‘A democratic system that works? No that isn’t part of the autumn-winter range’ ‘Why would I want a political system that works for us all? I just want my new car and four walls’ Spoon fed nonsense like a child’s story till we become bloated up and can’t see the solution 'We really think Clarkson should come back please sign my petition’ 10k+ signatures and less for one to reduce pollution.

Slowly getting a tan from the light on my phone I peel my eyes away and realise I have a life of my own. The sound of a car door being slammed outside wakes me up So naturally I go straight to my coffee cup. I’m lost in a maze of reminders of memories and faded thoughts Of photobooth smiles and all the feelings that I caught. It’s been a long time since I reflected upon the memories of my future self It’s been a long time since I cared about my own health.

I fidget with my fingers Uncomfortable in my own skin I don’t want to open my mouth I’m trying to keep my thoughts in. I’m trying to keep my thoughts in. I’m trying. But when they ask if I’m okay I’m smiling whilst I’m lying. Of course I’m fine, I’ve never been better I’m the picture of happiness right down to the last letter. Except I forgot to sign off properly

Oh wait. 2 new notifications I’m slowly losing all motivation It’s hard to think of life When you’re watching everyone else waste theirs Through pixilated mobile screens Fighting the brightness and the glares. But everyone likes to share. Tales of what they ate, how they can’t wait to save Their crumbling relationships through a night they dedicate to a date. Behave mate.

How can you be in love with a moment When you’re taking pictures constantly Sharing everything you can see, Through the lense of a camera Truman show, except you’re the host And apparently the person who cares the most. Look at me, look at me I need some affirmation Give me likes, give me a notification.

I’ve replaced my own vision And through proxy I can see Everything I never care for through a social norm of mediocrity Of confirming to an audience I need to please.

I can’t wait until I pass away And all my grandkids and kids can say ‘I was so proud of all he achieved He did the things you wouldn’t believe Yeah, he put his own dreams on hiatus But once got 50 likes on a status He once got 100 more for sharing his thoughts on a tv show He left us all these memories, Go on have scroll’

I’ve never seen a face like yours before,  cold chill and smoke screen covers it through a façade of drunken conversation I don’t know if I’m starting to sober up but I want to learn more.  Don’t unlock my phone, just keep my heart pacing. A mutual friend is all we have but a friend in need is a friend indeed And I concede I don’t even know him that well. Well we shared one joke and that’s all I need Your laugh rings in my head like a catchy lyric It echoes in my head and tickles my soul I promise im no cynic But who would know what would happen once you leave this smoke filled scene? I’ve never seen a face like yours before, But I remember it from somewhere. Contained in the back of my mind, unlocked with ever drink I pour. So listen to my attempts to flirt wrapped in jokes Attempts at comedy and I’m trying to see a smile, to see if I can coax Eye contact so I can confirm I’m falling apart at the  seams.

Dusty clouds of sentiments wash over the cobbled stones. We packed it all up and named us a home. All those years ago. City center bencher Turned into a new adventure. Disolving time in a cup of coffee Winter’s breath a seasonal lottery. Woven with wool, scarves and mittens On my arm you pull and I’m smitten.

When the sun rose to rockets in the sky Day off, in bed we lie And say we’ll be together. I wonder what you’d say If fate crosses luck on the right day. I’ll ask you a question and maybe get a reply A thank you, a hug or a goodbye.

Rotate me, cosign me Text replies in binary Place it where you want to it be Mediate the tremors carefully Eye’s slightly shut for my mind to bleed Closed palms are easy to see But like braille to read.

My minds eye is my blind sight Foresight is for morn’s light The broad side of sun’s tide From sun rise to sun set My mind is awake to forget The routine of numbered sequence Patterned and programmed beneath us.

Robotic in nature, carbon copies of bodies Of nobodies on TV Static vision in my eyes to keep my mind clean Father bless us for what I have seen

Scribing scratches into the brick walls Bare fingers run and catch flakes under nails Counting down how many days till civilisation falls But that boats about to sail. Capturing cataclysmic conventions to convince the convicted I’m completely sane. So many seas I see I’m blind to the rain.

I’m not like you. I dropped my mam on her head when I was kid 24 spending my time redesigning pyramids. Breaching beaches to knock down sandcastles with scissor kicks. Carving marble out of stone with razor flicks A few branches short of a family tree to snap sticks It’s slapstick and you’re too thick to notice whose Tom and whose Jerry One mousetrap to the face too many Cat doesn’t have your tongue That’s all folks, run rabbit run. I’m a cartoon character trapped in a pencil with no lead. Insomniac this is what runs through my head.

Octopus arm's with the pen, squirting ink instead.

Putting my finger to the mouth of mimes Silencing the mute to make sure the deaf can hear my rhymes. Shake down mountains to chase a stone Buy nandos to throw away the chicken just to eat the bone. Ringing up the police to call me back cause I don’t know the number to my phone

Vote.

We’re in this together. Cameron’s greatest endeavour Don’t fare up against fair play forever For everyone maybe not, state wealth’s growing it’s pot, Take from the poor and hide from the rich That’s the real plot

We’re in this together Kid’s dont see their parents, apparently it’s just you and me who work two shifts a day But what do you say, we ignore what our managers say Scraping crumbs from a breadline filled with scape goats in cheap coats down in the dole queue. But let David have a day off from britannias dues.

We’re in this together Journalistic tendencies to invade your privacy But HSBC is something you cant see That’s our bread and butter, tax your knife if you’re not careful, try cutting with your bare fingers But dont point the blame at me A rat’s smell lingers, I smell a swell in cash for those conservative Conserve this, you reaped what you sowed Winter’s coming so hide your stock.

You allow 0 hour contracts Expect late night contact Shifts tomorrow Find money to borrow To make it on time We’re in this together But your struggle ain’t mine.

Catalyst for cuts, Condemned the freedom of education Cut medication, try to self heal through meditation But I’m meditating and the voices are saying ‘You’re on your own Unless money and greed is your home’

What’s half of a billion If it’s to sustain a million Less missiles to kill kids in foreign place Whilst our shell shocked soliders beg for change in a deaf state.

I make deals with my silhouette Just little bets Nothing I’ll live to forget Quit smoking cigarettes Basic steps

But my shadows got more than I do now It leads the way when I walk I have to apologise when I talk Cause my silhouette is my best feature It acts as my guide, my mentor, my teacher

Itll teach me to make bets I can never win The darkest sides always the best when it comes to gambling. See my shadow seems to be wherever I be Just behind me, seeing everything I see.

Whatever the weather the smallest glimpse of light shines through I look back and my shadows there too So I made a bet with my silhouette Nothing too difficult, nothing it’d regret

I drew a chalk outline around the edges of his body ‘I bet you can’t stay inside of this mark, For two days, even when it’s dark’ My silhouette gestured a rude reply with his fingers I replied by reminding swearing is for sinners

But I swear on my life, it’s been a long time since I saw my shadowy self, cause even today sunlight came through And I was surprised to see My shadow wasn’t lurking behind me.

It’s nice to know somewhere alone My shadow is trapped between some lines Far gone are the times, of his deceiving mimes For me to take up a bet.

No more will I be challenged by my former self, who selflessly alerted me to my flaws. No more will I turn and see him lying on the floor. Ignorance is bliss, I’m now blissfully unaware Of a shadow’s attempt to provoke me with a dare, Of a unfair bet, of any attempt to better myself.

I’m free to live a life of excess, Excuses no more, just life at it’s best. I’m the first human to have lost his shadow, and I don’t care how ridiculous this sounds But life is perfect when no-one follows you around.

End//

Bonus stanzas

Extra outro

I used to make bets with my silhouette Simple things, Like no booze and cigarettes But now he’s gone, so are the days I attempted to get clean The days where I would be on track and I could understand what my shadow would mean. Selflessly he showed me how selfish I could be When I lived just for me, Only moving in one direction without a peer to those behind or near. Without my shadow I can see clear.