Inside the mind of...

There is something I continue to learn; it is the PROCESS of getting to a place you want to be or walking into a reality unseen. You know it exists, so you must keep stepping forward, no matter the insane obstacles along the way. It is not by your might that keeps you going but rather by a surrender to agree with a higher vision, one only God can see. When my mind, thoughts, and actions finally give up resisting his perfect will, then I find my truest life, resting in Him while I keep moving forward. My humanness must submit to a greater being and when that happens I am in perfection Himself. I am not saying I am a robot, it’s just that I agree in partnership to the God who has good plans for me, good plans for everyone for that matter. It is quite possibly the hardest thing I have ever done, but more than worth every tear, sweat, or force of surrender. My God has changed my life and I owe it to Him to trust Him with the life I have left. I have failed and will, but as I continue to look to Him, He has arms full of love, grace, and mercy waiting for me everytime. In my God I have the reality of my unseen world and by His sustainability I will not waiver in trusting Him.

Reflecting is of utmost importance, at least to me it is. It’s a waste to flounder through the world, not pondering how the day was, how your relationship with others is going, or to not think about what God is thinking about. I can’t forget to ponder; when I do forget I know I am not fully myself. Without some sort of break away, I tend to move and shift with the current and suddenly I am at a place down the river where I did not intend to go. I get to choose, so I might as well think, what direction am I going? Is it worth it to keep going? Should I do something different? So many questions. I know, not all to be answered in a day. But I think. And I must for sanity reasons. 

There is a place where He meets me.  I wish I can say its where I always meet Him. He often comes in whimsical words and dramatic speech. He likes to meet me there. When I get a glimpse of His wooing gestures, I smile and cry for a little, knowing that He just kissed me. But in fear, I turn off my tears and stare the other way, for I know not what to do with such love. I know not how to accept it. Regardless of my ignorance, He meets me yet again. Always talking, always waiting for my full heart to collapse in His ever expansive arms and remain. He knows He’s greater than the “other way”, but He never forces my face towards his. He waits as a perfect gentleman for me. Every moment is an opportunity to fall in love with Him. Somedays I accept His pursuit and we enjoy adventures together, other days I lose sight of my love or shrug Him off. I know He is sad when that happens, but He always chases me, no matter how I treat Him. And understanding that makes me run back. He is worthy of my affections. May I never take His love for granted and remain always.

For all the wanderlust that takes place on this Earth, know that I know your longing for more. This Earth has plenty of attributes of goodness/beauty that attract us and make us want to explore it more. It also has it's signs of destruction as well. Inherant in every human is the desire for more, and unfortunately nothing of this Earth can ever satisfy. Why? Because we were made for someone who is opposite of this world. We were made to long/desire for Love Himself. What the world has to offer is deception/false love (lusts of the heart). We thirst for things in this world to give us pleasure and perhaps they do for a moment, but then the pleasure ceases and we are back to our deprived state, hungry and thirsty for the next thing. (Whatever that may be in your case). When Jesus comes in the picture, He's the only one who can turn our depravity into life and abundant life at that. The life we desire for our souls is only found in following the One our souls actually thirst and hunger for. We just think we want the other fleeting pleasures, but they leave us empty and dry (it's only a matter of time). Jesus though, Jesus is an endless supply of goodness and wholeness. He is the one we are after, whether we are aware of it or not. Sometimes our soul fights against the God of the universe, but deep down He is our Maker, and He is longing to be with us. Imagine a Dad having a son/ daughter and the child grew up never wanting to depend on them, never wanting to spend time with him, thank him, laugh with him, hug him, show him the new projects you are working on, etc. Instead they just said, "I hate you, thanks for making me, but no thanks. I want to live life by myself"...God is that Father, just desiring to be with us. He made us and yet we constantly turn away and say thanks for the stuff, but I want nothing to do with You. It breaks His heart, because He knows what's best for you and what you need. He is happy to give you things and be Love for you. But we think WE know better than the One who invented ideas in the first place ...All this to say...think about this tonight. Are you satisfied with who you are, and if all the luxury, relationships, social media, alcohol, drugs, fun activities/hobbies were stripped away, would you feel satisfied? And if not think about why that may be. Perhaps that is your Heavenly Father calling you back to Himself, saying come to me. I cannot wait to fill you with true things this world knows nothing about. These things on Earth are nice but they cannot quench your thirst or satisfy your heart like me. I am good. Come home. For in me You will find true life!

For all the wanderlust that takes place on this Earth, know that I know your longing for more. This Earth has plenty of attributes of goodness/beauty that attract us and make us want to explore it more. It also has it’s signs of destruction as well. Inherant in every human is the desire for more, and unfortunately nothing of this Earth can ever satisfy. Why? Because we were made for someone who is opposite of this world. We were made to long/desire for Love Himself. What the world has to offer is deception/false love (lusts of the heart). We thirst for things in this world to give us pleasure and perhaps they do for a moment, but then the pleasure ceases and we are back to our deprived state, hungry and thirsty for the next thing. (Whatever that may be in your case). When Jesus comes in the picture, He’s the only one who can turn our depravity into life and abundant life at that. The life we desire for our souls is only found in following the One our souls actually thirst and hunger for. We just think we want the other fleeting pleasures, but they leave us empty and dry (it’s only a matter of time). Jesus though, Jesus is an endless supply of goodness and wholeness. He is the one we are after, whether we are aware of it or not. Sometimes our soul fights against the God of the universe, but deep down He is our Maker, and He is longing to be with us. Imagine a Dad having a son/ daughter and the child grew up never wanting to depend on them, never wanting to spend time with him, thank him, laugh with him, hug him, show him the new projects you are working on, etc. Instead they just said, “I hate you, thanks for making me, but no thanks. I want to live life by myself”…God is that Father, just desiring to be with us. He made us and yet we constantly turn away and say thanks for the stuff, but I want nothing to do with You. It breaks His heart, because He knows what’s best for you and what you need. He is happy to give you things and be Love for you. But we think WE know better than the One who invented ideas in the first place …All this to say…think about this tonight. Are you satisfied with who you are, and if all the luxury, relationships, social media, alcohol, drugs, fun activities/hobbies were stripped away, would you feel satisfied? And if not think about why that may be. Perhaps that is your Heavenly Father calling you back to Himself, saying come to me. I cannot wait to fill you with true things this world knows nothing about. These things on Earth are nice but they cannot quench your thirst or satisfy your heart like me. I am good. Come home. For in me You will find true life!

Be afire again.

Be careful not to mistaken the stars for your god. They can’t respond only sparkle in the distance. Be careful not to embrace the ocean as your guide, it will lead into a sea of forgetfulness and wash over your commitment embedded in the shore. Though flowers speak of hope and love, they aren’t the source. Though wind reminds us of change and kisses, let us not dance to it’s constant curvature above the lands, for it too will betray us. There is but One person in all of creation that will never betray His nature, His word. His name is Jesus Christ, the rock to whom we can stand on when stars grow dim, oceans dissipate, flowers fade, and wind dies down. The only One who can create these very things into existence. Let us worship that One constant when the rest changes. If you don’t know Him, ask to know the One who created these things for you. 

I stare out the window as snow hugs the stony ground and kisses my eyes with reflections of grace. I am reminded of the beauty of waiting in the season of winter. Though cold collides with nature’s elements, trees stand strong bearing the bitterness knowing this too shall pass and soon birth buds in due time. Hang on, if even the trees persevere through the rough, we who plant them have an even greater capacity to overcome.

I’ve spent roughly 23 years of my life serving myself, doing things I wanted, going places I wanted to go. Since the winter of 2010, my heart was radically changed by the love of God and I left my old life. For 5 years now, I’ve been seeking God and desiring to live with Him and for Him. There is nothing more fulfilling than leaving selfish desires to serve the King of all kings. He is worth letting go of all things (that are temporary anyway), to live for what pleases Him, which are eternal things. Ultimately what pleases Him, is what will give us the most joy as well. He desires a heart devoted to him, one who loves Him and loves His neighbor as himself. He asks us to give up our lives for His sake yet in return we receive the greatest life we could have ever imagined. If the God of the universe who knows all things and created knowledge, tells us to do something, then the most advantageous thing to do is listen. He knows whats going to happen next. This is a God who is love, so everything He asks of us has our best interest in mind. I am learning the more we seek Him, the more we find Him and the more we find Him, the more we want of Him and the less we want of ourselves. He is my favorite person and He teaches me what true life is-- following Him. I love Him and thought I’d share that love with you all tonight. 

His whisper floods through me like a river of living water and touches the atmosphere I lay in. Molecules bend a knee to the Word, darkness flees. The radiance of joy and revelation of love, kisses coaled hearts to flame, electricity surging through once lifeless veins. A hope I cling to, the power of His truth. My ear longs to consume your words that my soul may be full and hunger no more. 

You could look at a piece of art that is childishly done and say that piece could look better, but when you find out the artist used to have Alzheimer's and is significantly further ahead than they've ever been, it changes things; it makes the piece brilliant. This just to say perspective helps, context matters, love wins over perfection.