Whispers Of A Black Cat

I hate the need want to be seen and noticed. I hate that it’s attention seeking and offensive to so many and yet, it’s exactly what I crave most of the time. I know people say they notice me, that they see me, that they want to help, I can’t help but know better and shy away. It feels fake, or at least it seems like it’s fake. Like someone is suddenly putting on a facade, waiting for someone to call "cut" so they can finally look away from me again. As if only to remind me I’m not worth a moment of their attention when the curtain falls.

Sometimes, I feel like no matter what I do, it won’t be enough. Like I’m standing in a sinking boat, frantically tossing out buckets of water, only to realize it’s a losing battle. No matter how much I scream or beg for help, the boats around me just watch, unmoved and unwilling to lend a hand to someone so far gone. Maybe I haven’t sunk yet, maybe I never will. And maybe, just maybe, it’s nothing. But it feels like everything.