Probably Not a Robot

he said, "what, is she your girlfriend?" and it was kind of mean and sharp and gross, but it was the same exact way he asked if guys were my boyfriend (gross control issues)

and in the moment i was actually so happy because that's the closest he ever came to accepting me as bi

who wants to actually teach me how to tie a necktie and be proud of me when i accomplish things and go with me to mechanics to help with the talking when i'm nervous

but i'm also living at home again and being forced to navigate some lasting trauma from when things were worse. i still freeze and hide in my room if i hear any movement downstairs. raised voices trigger my panic response. if she has a bad day i'm scared to go home because i might get yelled at for a small transgression i'm not even conscious of. she's supportive and informed about mental health resources and approaches, but wasn't always, so it still feels like getting in trouble for being unwell if she (or anyone really) brings up therapy or other steps i'm intending to take as i am able. i have to share a car with her and any time i want to use it alone i can hear her screaming from over a decade ago about needing to know where her vehicle is at all times.