Stones in my heart. (Quaritch and Spider hurt-comfort one-shot)
(Set three weeks post A3)
Spider couldnβt confess what happened between him and Jake to anyone in his beloved familyβ¦but maybe he can confess to the man who he wishes was dead.
The two watched as a tiny, poorly-repaired RDA outpost went up in flames, accentuated by the end of eclipse. The boy wouldnβt be surprised if the top brass blamed the explosion on a faulty engine or poor air filtration.
He glanced at the monster next to him. The man whom he was unfortunately related to, and the man who just so happened to be at that very outpost when Spider snuck in to perform recon. The task was simple; get information and get out, but seeing all those exposed wiresβ¦Socorro just couldnβt resist.
Too bad he didnβt quite time his escape, and the building almost buried him alive, but Miles stumbled right into him and with no time for explanation, pried the jammed doors open and they ran, conveniently away from patrol routes. Spider didnβt expect that sort of kindness, but perhaps Jake has gotten through to him?
βYou got some damn nerveβ¦β Quaritch sighed.
βKill me then.β Spider bit back.
ββ¦whatever.β The recom decided. βThis implosion was a matter of time. Good thing you blew it up before someone important came here for a checkup.β
An awkward silence nestled itself between them, and, in his pΓ©riphΓ©rie, the blonde noticed his enemy open and close his mouth, trying to get some sort of question out, but seemingly not knowing if it was worth voicing.
βSpit it out.β Socorro rolled his eyes.
ββ¦back there, as I pried those damn doors, you flinched when I pulled out the knifeβ¦β Quaritch spoke, breaking silence. βLike an abused dog or somethingβno offenseβIβve justβ¦never seen you like this. Do you...β He breathed, ears pinned down and eyes going soft, wide at the heartbreaking possibility. βThink Iβll hurt yβa?β Every syllable feeling like a knife on his tongue.
βWhat? N-no.β Spider shook his head, not turning towards the Mangkwan warrior, staying firmly planted in the glowing moss, staring out at the sea, somewhat obstructed by the burning remnants of RDA machinery. βItβs not about you.β
Miles minutely breathed out, ever so slightly relieved. βThen what?β
Spider took so long responding the recom almost assumed he spaced out and didnβt hear, but the twitch of his shoulder showed otherwise. There was great turmoil brewing in his sonβs soul and the inner conflict became more and more apparent with each moment. He couldnβt let out the words.
Spider threw his head back, sucking a deep breath and catching a glimpse of his fatherβs smudged Ash People paint. A twisted version of what he always wanted him to become. βForget it. Tsβ not important.β
βClearly it is.β Quaritch, damn him to the coldest pits of hell, was once again prodding with his questions; just one of many personality quirks Socorro loathed about his father.
He hated how said prodding caused the dam in his soul to crack at the seams.
βI donβtβ¦β He started, trying to come up with a refusal or excuse. Anything. βYou wonβt understand. Itβs just not about you, okay?β
Finally, the bastard stoppedβ¦but Socorro, for some Eywa damned reason, didnβt.
The word came out on its own; he hadnβt meant to say it, but something deep down craved to get the burden off his chest. The secret he felt obligated not to reveal to anyone, not even Kiri. The early morning in the forest. His knees scraping the rock as he was forced to kneel.
Miles perked up immediately, alert, keeping quiet but waiting for Socorro to elaborate.
βItβs personal.β The blonde barely kept tears from forming. For three weeks after the battle at the cove of the ancestors, he kept his mouth shut and covered for Toruk Makto because he was a hero. What did it matter that he almostβ βYou wonβt get it.β
The cryptic nature of Spiderβs words was starting to get on the recomβs nerves. He wasnβt one for guessing games, much less when it was his son implying that Jake did something that made him terrified of the mere sound of a blade getting unsheathed, so he scooted closer on the moss and carefully grasped the boyβs shoulder. βKid, youβre freaking me out.β He chuckled, but there was no amusement in that sound.
Miles was the enemy, Miles was the man who, with no remorse, burned down a good third of Awaβatlu. He was a beast worthy of a painful, slow death, and undeserving of Spiderβs attachment, but he felt it nonetheless, and being so far from everyone he knows, caught in a vulnerable moment, this same beast felt like the only person Socorro could open up to without consequence.
And oh how badly he wanted to open up to someone. The burden of his secret was getting unbearable.
βWhen we flew back from Bridgehead,β Spider finally managed, his shoulders trembling slightly with every breath. βHe told Neytiri to land. And I,β He barked out a breathy laugh. βI just wanted to go to the bathroom. It was so stupid..β He sniffed.
Milesβs face hardened in growing concern, dying with impatience. He was now facing Spider full on, his acid gaze looking for clues in his sonβs doe eyes.
βHe told me to come with him. We went to the forest. Just the two of usβ¦β
Quaritchβs face went pale, eyes wide like that of a yerik in the headlights. It was so sudden even Spider got caught off guard. It seemed as though the man already constructed the rest of the possible story in his head, but what it was β Socorro had no idea, so he pushed on. He needed to get this off his chest, to anyone.
βI was so stupidβ¦β A single tear fell. βAll these years I held out this dumb hope. It was so stupid!β
βThe hell did he do?β Quaritch growled out, louder than intended and with a biting tone to match. It was harsh, but brought Spider back on track. For a reason he could not explain, the sudden sternness made him feel compelled to confess.
βHe didnβt do it-but he almost-β Spider defended the man, not knowing why. For some reason, Quaritch was now checking his condition, focused eyes rapidly travelling from his face, to his neck, arms, torso and legs, as if he was looking for an injury. βI was too dangerous. My blessing-he didnβt want RDA finding me again.β
Quaritch grew still, visibly piecing it all together. For a minute, his expression was blank.
βHe tried to get rid of me.β The blonde lowered his head, looking at the ground. βThatβs why, okay?β He suddenly looked back at Quaritch. βYou happy now?!β He then shrugged off his hand.
After a quiet moment of the recom struggling to grasp what heβd just heard, a frown coloured his face. βThatβsβ¦β He struggled for an appropriate reaction. βFucked up.β
βYeah butβ¦I get why he did it. I do.β Spider let the rest of the tears fall. βI really doβ¦he was-Teyamβs dead, and we were all in a shitty place, I just gotta move on.β
Quaritch quietened once more, too quiet, contemplating something, not hiding his upset, which Socorro didnβt see often. His father looked genuinely hurt.
βI ainβt known he could go that farβ¦β He shrugged.
βMe neither. He-he prayed for me though.β He added, not knowing why.
βOh, well that changes everything.β Quaritch begun spitefully. βI was about to get upset, but now? Now Iβm okay. Thank god he prayed.β
βCuz everyone knows the number one rule of slitting your childrenβs throat is that you have to pray first. Thank fuck he didnβt forget.β He smiled. There was nothing genuine about it.
βWhat a relief. Was afraid youβd say he ainβt prayed before killinβ yβa.β The manβs smile has turned to a grin. βI should thank him. You know where he is right now?β
βM-milesβ¦β Spider uttered, alarm bells ringing in his head. After months in captivity, heβd learned to recognise the warning signs of Quaritchβs spiralling a mile away.
βWhere is he?β Miles cocked his head to the side, waiting for a response, as if talking to a toddler.
βHe didnβt do it.β Socorro repeated. βRemember? He didnβt do it!β
βWhere is he.β The recom got close, his grin fading into that haunting smirk Quaritch gave people as a sign not to get on his nerves. Heβd never in a million years think to hurt the boy, and Spider knew that, but the expression still unnerved him.
βStop it.β Spider demanded, trying to sound firm.
But Miles only shook his head, jaw clenched. βItβs Awaβatlu, isnβt it? Heβs there while youβre out here, busting your ass on a recon mission? That it?β
βFor fuckβsβ¦β The blonde breathed. βI tell you one thing, one, and this is how you get?β
βI knew it.β Quaritch growled, entering one of his selective deafness episodes. βThat son of a bitch.β
βIβll teach βim a lesson.β The man spoke lowly, like a killer, like a predator, like a monster he has always been. βIβm gonna make it slow.β He dragged out the last word.
βNo! I donβt want you to-listen to me!β Spider grabbed his fatherβs shoulders.
βSon, donβt you worry.β Miles reassured. βIβll fix it, okay? You just come with me and sit back and Iβll bring you that fuckerβs headββ
βDo not. Kill him.β The blonde commanded. βI care about him. A LOT. He matters to my siblings. You do that, and I will NEVER forgive you.β
Finally, thank the allmother, his words went through this time, and Milesβs shoulders sagged like that of a dog who was cheated out of a walk in the park. βYou serious?β
βYes.β Spiderβs brows furrowed. βDont you dare hurt him.β
Quaritch looked at the ground, disappointed and clearly still angry. βAfter everythingβ¦youβll really hate me if I kill him?β
βForever.β Spider reinforced.
For another painfully long moment, neither of them spoke, but Socorroβs hands never left his fatherβs shoulders.
ββ¦you shot me.β The recom looked back to his son. βYou shot me but defend him???β
βJake never burned a fucking village!β The boy reminded.
βHe sure helped that one time though!β Miles raised his voice.
βI said donβt kill himββ
βFINE!β The man rose up and roared in Spiderβs face, his voice echoing off the cliff and making a flock of birds fly off nearby trees.
Spider stiffed in shock, eyes met with Quaritchβs wild ones, his expression one of abject fury, but eventually, in the quietness, he breathed out a sharp growl, shoulders lowered in defeat. βFine. But, donβt..β He breathed. βTell me not to be angry about this.β
Now that the fury has simmered, all the recom got left with was upset and worry, his head twitching as he racked his war and combat-ridden brain for something to do, something to make this mess better, before dropping to his knees and, to both their surprise, pulling Socorro into an embrace.
Spider didnβt know what to do, heart beating like a jackhammer at sudden affection and softness from the same man who almost decided to kill his guardian minutes prior.
What do you do when your idiot father who never held you, actually holds you?
His very soul shook when he realised that he liked it. The familiar scent, the strong arms around him, holding him together. This is the reaction he needed from Miles from the start.
His mind screamed at him to push the murderous bastard away. He didnβt need his pity and certainly didnβt need his comfort.
But his heart knew the truth.
Trembling, tanned hands slowly inched upwards, under Quaritchβs armpits and landed on his back. Accepting this hug felt treacherous, and yet so very right, like a puzzle assembling itself.
Then, his mind recalled that horrible memory in the forest, when Jake threw that green blade into the bushes, ridden with guilt, and pulled Socorro into a hug instead. Just now, weeks later, it dawned on the boy how disgusting that felt.
Tears fell, shoulders shook once more and before Spider knew it, he wept. For the first time in years, he wept.
He didnβt know how long they stayed like this. It must have been mere minutes because the sun was still rising by the time Socorro tired himself out, head laying limply on dadβs shoulder, but his breakdown felt like hours. Quaritchβs hold never wavered though, ash-coated arms still firmly cradling him. Spider focused on Milesβs breathing, feeling air pass through his throat as he laid his chin on top of the boyβs head.
Could they stay like this forever? Pretty please?
Just as Spiderβs inner child voiced this thought, his dad gently pulled away, looking into his eyes. Now, there was no upset left either, only all-consuming sadness. Quaritch looked deceivingly kind when he got like this.
Spider let him wipe off his tear-tracks, leaving tiny, dark paint-marks on sun-kissed skin.
βSonβ¦β Miles breathed, and only now did Socorro notice that his eyes have gotten red.
βYouβre coming with me.β
Authorβs notes: this is a shorter one I wrote on the go, just an idea I needed to get off my mind π
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