between the desire and the spasm

a preemptive red is calling yellow. every sub knows to call red when it's too much, yellow when things need to slow down, but then think to themselves 'why would I call green? if i want things to continue i just need to say nothing' and they're wrong. green doesn't just communicate that everything's okay. green also communicates that what's happening is being enjoyed. that it's not just being tolerated, but it is wanted. by saying green you acknoweldge that what's going on might be painful in some way, but that you still want it. if you wait for your domme to ask for a colour, you're not giving them enough feedback. if you're always waiting for her to ask you for a colour, you're putting all the responsibility for your experience on her. if you're waiting for her to ask you for a colour, you're being passive and reactive instead of active and present.

give your dominants feedback when things are going well, not just when they're going wrong, and you'll build their confidence and trust in you to communicate how you feel about the play not only when it's going badly but when it's going well too.

As a degrader and a sadist it's so hot that some subs will be as pathetic as you want them to be... so don't fuck around with their emotions outside of that, that sub is already literally playing with and altering their emotions for your benefit and pleasure. You're overstressing the emotion muscle if you do and rest is essential to any healthy exercise.

You're not giving their feelings any time to rest and recover if you cause emotional distress outside of playtime and you're not giving them the safety and security to play with their emotions again. If you consistently play with humiliation, degradation, or other forms of psychological sadism, you need to be aware of this and plan accordingly.

Avoid big talks or heavy topics immediately after, and do things that will lift your partner's mood in the days following an intense scene even if their mood doesn't need a lift. While you can't see it, by doing that, you've essentially put an emotional ice pack on a sore muscle.

It's easy for doms to understand that some subs are turned on by embarrassment, shame, humiliation, degradation, objectification, etc. That is an easier concept to grasp. But I think that's a bit of a simplified way of putting it and a more accurate way to explain what's going on is that some subs experience embarrassment, shame, humiliation, degradation, objectification, etc from their dom and are turned on by it.

I think putting the emphasis back on the painful emotion the submissive is putting themselves through is such an important distinction that needs to be made more often. Sometimes the fact that the sub is still experiencing these very powerful negative emotions during sex or scenes (for your benefit by the way, doms) gets lost in translation when someone says "it makes me horny when you humiliate me."

But they're NOT just horny when you humiliate them, they're still also humiliated. And for those of you saying "well duh, of course" please just trust me when I say, as a dom myself who went through learning this and has helped so many other doms learn this, that most doms are absolutely not making this connection at all and that's why my post above has been reblogged a bunch of times by both doms and subs.

As a dom, what we are incorrectly assuming is that the input is 'humiliation' and the output is 'horny' based on what we see and how our sub reacts when we play like this. We are not registering that they are also still humiliated because in the moment they're acting horny. It's an easy logical error to make due to faulty observations and this mistake isn't just limited to male doms in my experience. A lot of folks from all walks of life don't quite grasp this at first. And once you do grasp this you can give better aftercare.

Sorry but I got sick of scrolling through the notes on this on desktop and seeing all the red usernames marked by shinigami eyes reblogging this.

I use one to manage my back pain and help with headaches and circulation. They're basically yoga mats with lots of little tiny plastic spikes that you lie back on, like a safer version of a bed of nails. And holy shit does it sting and burn for the first five minutes, and god forbid you move or readjust yourself. You have to breathe through the pain before it starts feeling really good and warm and relaxing. Something about endorphins— I'm certain you know where I'm going with this.

Currently fantasizing about lying back on one and having my cunt beaten with a riding crop; each solid stroke earning a labored breath while I fight with myself to stay still, every small movement earning the bite of the spikes digging into my back and sides.

I could see pushing someone down onto one on their stomach, flattening their tits into the surface of the mat while they whine.

Maybe some sort of predicament bondage in which one has to hold themself up off of it. Making your sub sit down on it. Setting up some kind of sawhorse to dig the spikes into someone's inner thighs and cunt and leaving them to it.... 😵‍💫

There's potential here.