where water waits

I can't stop thinking about this, because it's not actually that insane. The problem the first time Qingyi went to prison, and why his brother is right to feel guilty, is because both the Murong and Li families rejected Qingyi so publicly that the Huo family didn't think there would be any consequences for abusing him. Which is why that awful Li father was also correct that they weren't protecting Qingyi properly and it was an insult to both of their families.

But now that Qingyi knows his brother will defend him, and Qingyu has defended him in public multiple times, Qingyi's immunity is getting stronger (everyone just lets him kill those grunts in front of the police) but he's also just using it to do more insane things. Before, when he didn't have support, he was more cautious. Well somewhat, because he's always set his own safety at zero.

Because of his horrific childhood, I think ML keeps chasing, keeps being addicted to the need to try to win over the impossible - look at his utter lack of love from three of the four parents and what he got from his adoptive mother - it’s like his modus operandi is keep throwing himself on knives to see if he can win the impossible (love and devotion) if he sacrifices enough. If he does it’s like healing the childhood or something.

He is like one of those men who can only get off if someone beats them but in an emotional version of the same.

And because da’ge’s love is freely offered and easily given, it does not satisfy his need. He relies on it and he loves his brother, but it cannot give him what he craves.

I think he’s even more fucked up than FL because she at least had some sliver of normalcy in her family as a young child. ML basically opened his eyes to abuse and when he got taken at 12, it could very well have been too late even if he did get a loving family instead of what he got (da’ge may have tried but one teen boy is not enough to fix that when the rest is what it is.)

As to the happy ending - I can’t even imagine what that would look like for these two. Like let’s say they survived and ended up together. Then what? I cannot imagine their long term. They are not well, and I don’t think they are capable of healing together but also I think he chases this impossibility, this edge and if and when it’s gone, eventually he will be lost (one of the reasons the early relationship worked was because it was so brief - 3 months is prime honeymoon period.)

One of the things I love about this is that the narrative is very clear this relationship is unhealthy and bad, that these people are incredibly fucked up and bad for each other. None of that “showing one thing but trying to convince you it’s a different thing.”

There is a level of horror to it all, tbh because none of this is a demonstration of how much he loves her. It’s all a demonstration of how destroyed he is on a fundamental level.

And the thing is - I am fully on board with believing she loves him as much as it’s possible for her to love another person. But while her manner of loving satisfies the fucked up part of him to a t, it’s very much not the kind of love he needs for healing or living as a functional individual. But the tragic thing is if he got some healthy warm love, he wouldn’t want it or know what to do with it. He can only process love through giving or receiving hurt.

And they both find it much easier to die for each other than to live with each other.

i understand Susu's actions and the motivation behind it, but that doesn't justify the irreparable damage it's done to Qingyi. she's shown several times that her mission comes before everything else, and after the difficult life Qingyi's lived, i don't want him to end up with someone who claims to love him while also consistently using him and their history for her benefit.

and i totally hate that the Murong brothers might be in conflict because of Susu, not when they just made up 😭 the only person who was always ALWAYS on Qingyi's side....i'm sick yall i do not like this at all.

"For her, you would kill me?" BROTHER QINGYU PLS I BEG FOR UR UNDERSTANDING DONT BE MAAAD 😭💔

Lady, you have just basically threatened him with his bro's well being you are just deepening his (not incorrect) belief that you are an unhinged manipulator who will use and ruin his brother.

By now he thinks she's a sociopath with no feeling for MRQY whatsoever and on facts presented, it's logical.