no maker made me

Yan Shang interrupted: “Shut up!”

He turned back, looking at the Wuman King who sat with folded arms and an ambiguous smile. The other’s malice was undisguised, and Yan Shang stared at him for a moment: “If Your Majesty had even a hint of genuine feeling for her, you wouldn’t discuss her this way before another man.”

Meng Zanshi’s pupils contracted sharply, his expression darkening.

Yan Shang continued: “And if you have no feelings at all, you have even less right to speak of her this way.

“What is Your Majesty trying to accomplish? Comparing who would be better with her? Do you understand respect, love, or affection? In your eyes, is taking by force the way to obtain everything, and is casual humiliation a man’s right? You speak of learning Great Wei culture, yet inside you remain a close-minded barbarian.”

Yan Shang gazed at Meng Zanshi, speaking softly: “You’re not worthy to discuss her with me.”

Yan Shang was quiet for a moment, his heart aching as if someone had grabbed and squeezed it violently. He smiled, though his voice had changed slightly: “Why would you say that?”

Mu Wanyao: “I have a bad temper, always scolding you, hitting you, criticizing you, mocking you. I’ve been intimate with more than one man, my past in Wuman is so filthy I don’t even want to mention it. I act fierce but am weak inside, telling you I don’t care when I do. My relationship with Meng Zaishi… is also not ordinary.

“I didn’t resolve any of these things before getting involved with you. You were originally pure-hearted, not caring for anyone, not understanding love… You could have just been a good official, but I keep bothering you with my troubles every few days. I… have you ever thought about breaking ties with me?”

Yan Shang stared at her, saying: “Your Highness should know what kind of person I am.”

Mu Wanyao made a soft sound of agreement, speaking distantly: “I know, that’s why I approached you. I know you’re a very serious person, and once you make a decision, you rarely regret it or turn back. So no matter how bad I am, as long as I don’t bring it up, you won’t break ties with me, right?”

Yan Shang: “That’s not my reason. Your Highness always thinks I do this out of sympathy, out of tolerance… but in this world, there are many people I sympathize with and tolerate. Sympathizing with someone doesn’t mean I would sacrifice myself to care for them.

“Am I really some sort of saint? Am I really that good? In others’ eyes, I’m just a minor eighth-rank official, without talent or distinction, yet I’m entangled with Your Highness – it’s truly presumptuous.

“Your Highness is learned and talented, while I’m like an uneducated country bumpkin. Before Your Highness, I haven’t read any good or rare books. I hear Your Highness is extremely accomplished, skilled in both poetry and painting, but I’m completely dull – in poetry, I fear I could never match Your Highness in this lifetime, unable to compose poems together with you.

“Your Highness plays the konghou beautifully; when I first heard it, it was like celestial music descending to earth. But I can do nothing. I only know Your Highness plays the konghou well, but can’t even explain why. That day I was enchanted by Your Highness, and still can’t forget it. It’s just that Your Highness doesn’t touch these things anymore – I don’t know when I might hear Your Highness play the konghou again.”

Mu Wanyao turned her face to look at him steadily.

Yan Shang finally said: “…It is I who am unworthy of Your Highness.”

Mu Wanyao gazed at him for a long while, and the tears that had just stopped began to fall again uncontrollably.