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@onethousandapologies

you know what trend needs to come back? those fancy old french dresses with the giant hips. the ones that are so wide they look like someone stuck a table in there. i want a dress so big people have to shout casual conversation at me from ten feet away. what kind of love letter to the concept of personal space

See they’re wide at the hips, but not so much at the back and front. A good crinoline would solve that problem. And top it off with a wide brim hat armed with a pin for good measure.

you know what trend needs to come back? those fancy old french dresses with the giant hips. the ones that are so wide they look like someone stuck a table in there. i want a dress so big people have to shout casual conversation at me from ten feet away. what kind of love letter to the concept of personal space

See they’re wide at the hips, but not so much at the back and front. A good crinoline would solve that problem. And top it off with a wide brim hat armed with a pin for good measure.

Imagine you were to get married at the age made up of the two last digits on your phone number. How old would you be?

9. I would be fucking 9.

You can tell a lot about someone by whether they read HP as horsepower or hit points.

I read it as Harry Potter...

Thank you Mr. President.

I’m not even American, but Thank You, Mr. President.

I’m not American either, but again, thank you Mr President.

So my mom is shopping in a supermarket, wearing a full hijab and jilbab (commonly misnamed as a burka) and the whole time she is there, this kid is staring at her. Won’t stop staring. Just looking with wide-eyed shock. The lil feller isn’t any older than four. She doesn’t think much of it, she is used to far worse than just a few stares. Until the very end when the kid and his mom are behind her in the checkout, and he leans up and whispers loudly: “I LOVE YOU BATMAN”

This is so pure and adorable

Owning a pet is (usually) only a fraction of a human’s life. In contrast, to that pet, you are, and always will be the whole world to them.

If a poor person does drugs, it’s trashy. If a rich person does drugs, it’s an “extravagant lifestyle”.

I understand what this stick figure is feeling

That stick figure looks so done and it doesn’t even have a face

I’m constantly torn between the ‘be kind to everyone’ and the ‘fuck everyone you owe them nothing’ mentalities 

Do no harm but take no shit

DO NO HARM BUT TAKE NO SHIT

This should be the Slytherin motto

When someone says “hold your horses” they’re telling you to be stable

Literally name ONE thing that’s better than a dog

Two dogs

SHIT U RIGHT

The damning mew of utter betrayal.

@bando–grand-scamyon

NOOOO GET HER OUTTA THERE 😭😭😭

HELP HERRRR @mysticboo-bear

Help her 😭😭😭😭

You monster HOW COULD YOU

Schrodinger’s song is the first few minutes before you know if the song is “Under Pressure” or “Ice Ice Baby”.