lys

The routine was the same. Every sunday Hyunjin would come by to keep her company, he would stare, then cry and leave whenever the sadness started to turn into anger.

The familiar feeling started to build under his skin as his eyes stayed fixed on the writing at the stone.

  Kim Hyunjin

"Beloved friend and daughter"

+ 15/11/1980

☆ 30/11/1997

The name and the numbers stared back at him, cold and final.

He was breathing heavily, the realization that nothing would change dawned on him once again. He placed down the bouquet he had brought with him gently, despite how hard he had held onto it just a second ago.

Just a few more minutes passed, just enough for his sadness to turn into denial and then into an all-consuming rage. It was all he needed to leave, enough fuel to bike all the 10 kilometers back home.

15/10/1998

What is a person, if not memories?

The phrase had been echoing on his mind ever since Heejin said it in her speech at Hyunjin's memorial.

He never really left that day. He has been living there ever since it happened. He remembers every little word said, every person that attended, who cried, and who didn't.

Everyone says there's five stages of grief, but in 11 months of trying, he never made it past denial.

And right now, he stares at one of the dozens of letters Hyunjin had sent him. He had read them a million times, but it always felt comforting and equally gut-wrenching in some weird but good way.

The handwriting was pretty, sometimes messy and nonsensical, like she was writing her thoughts as they came on a personal diary, but they were letters Hwang used to receive weekly, sometimes daily.

Three soft knocks on the door took his attention away from Kim's words. His mom opened the door slowly, her head peeking in as she searched for him on the familiar space, the desk, surrounded by letters and other stuff Kim had given him.

"Hello, dear." her eyes scanned the scene. It was pitiful. "You haven't left your room today. Wanna go out for a walk?"

Her tone was soft, so soft that it wouldn't be heard if it wasn't for how quiet Hwang's room was.

He didn't answer right away. He couldn't even look at her right now. His eyes were red, teary, and his breathing uneven.

"There's a cat outside." it was all he needed to say.

Of course, she thought, every now and then, the neighbor's cat would run away to simply sit outside on their front yard. It felt like a sick joke, and Hwang couldn't take it.

"I'll let you know when he's gone"

He nodded, holding his breath.

22/10/1998

When the news about Hyunjin's passing broke at school, everyone was shocked. The school council planned several meetings about depression, grief, and mental health awareness.

It was too late.

It was infuriating how long people would let things go on before taking action.

Hwang didn't attend any of the meetings or mentioned what happened at all. That got him a few dirty looks, curious eyes and a bunch of gossip about how "unfazed" he looked

Hwang Hyunjin was not unfazed. He was calamitoustly devastated.

Being thrown at sea without warning and sinking continuously for so long, you could never get back up

That's exactly how life felt after that.

Hwang snaps out of his thoughts as he reaches his destination. The bouquet in his hand was neatly wrapped, and the flowers were so perfectly picked they looked fake.

His hands shook as he reached to place the bouquet at the grave. The day had been colder than usual, but he still made the effort to show up.

"I hope you can forgive me." his breathing and the wind were the only things heard for a couple of seconds. "I miss you"

13/04/1997

"Come on, Hwang, it's not a big deal!" Kim tried to console Hwang after his team lost their soccer game.

"It definitely is. It's embarrassing." he tossed his backpack aside, laying down on the grass beside her. "I scored an own goal, I made them lose!" He added, more dramatic than before.

"So what? That's not a crime." she tilted her head just enough to look at his face. "You went there and tried your best, that's enough." he felt her fingers wrap around his cheeks, squeezing it gently. "Smile, Hwang. I'll always love you, even if you suck.

He pushed her hand away, mumbling something about her being silly. She just smiled like always.

It was their regular thing, Hwang would come over to Kim's house, spend the whole day there, and eventually end up laying down with her as they watched the stars in the backyard.

It was their sacred place. A lot happened there ever since they became best friends in third grade.

They were each other's first kiss at Kim's old tree house.

They saw an eclipse for the first time there, too.

They shared secrets, stories, dreams, and plans.

Hwang once had to reject Kim's confession right below the place they once kissed in. He said he didn't want to ruin their friendship, even though he loved her so much he could explode.

It felt right at the time. He regrets it now.

11/11/1997

November 11th, 1997, the last time Hwang saw Kim.

Things got different after Hyunjin lost her mom at the end of February. It was so sudden Hwang didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything for weeks. And when he finally did, Hyunjin didn't say anything back

If he was being honest, they weren't talking much even before that. He had gotten caught up in practice and classes. He barely had time to hang out or text people

And for some reason, when Kim Hyunjin, his best friend in the whole world, couldn't understand how busy he was, he got angry. So, instead of being ignored, he started to ignore her instead. When she eventually started to reach out again, she was met with absolute indifference.

One day, after another lost game, the third just this month, Hwang stormed out the field with so much anger his whole face turned red.

He just didn't notice Kim followed him all the way to the locker room.

"Hwang, wait!" The sweet and soft voice called out, making his anger subside even if just for a second. But he ultimately chose to keep walking until there was nowhere else to go.

"You never answer my texts," she stated, not angry or loud, just sad. "I've sent you letters, I know you get them"

Hwang had his forehead pressed against a locker, fighting against the sudden urge to sob. He felt like a failure, as an athlete and as a person. He felt the first stream of tears starting to flow.

"But that's not what im here for." he felt her hand squeezing his shoulder gently, the slight pressure enough to give him some reassurance. "I know you feel like you failed. You always dreamed of being part of the team, I know how much it matters to you. I know what it feels like to fail and lose hope, but you don't have to feel that way, I don't want you to" listening to her felt like being given medicine, it felt like hope and understanding. "You can not hide under the pressure. Don't let it consume you. But you don't have to suppress it. You can let it out. It's okay to admit defeat."

Hwang couldn't quite understand how it happened, but Kim managed to make him face her, he could see could sad she looked, how drained she was, how much she had changed since the last time he really looked at her. When her lips touched his, a mix of emotions erupted from his confused heart. Fear and excitement were just a few of them.

"I'm not asking you to make me a priority, or to reciprocate my feelings, I just need you to pretend for that small amount of time, for just a few fleeting seconds, that you love me more than anything in the world" she kissed him again, sweeter this time, longer. "You deserve better, Hwang. So much better"

15/11/1998

"I'll never be able to say how sorry I am for everything"

Hwang stared at the date that haunted him.

"But I loved you, Hyunjin. Maybe not in the way you needed me to, but in the only way I knew. I was foolish, stupid, and selfish, so young and self-centered. I forgot to look at you past the idealized version of you I wanted to keep"

He struggled to take a breath, his vision blurry from all the tears.

"There isn't a day where I don't miss you, all of you. The ups and downs. Your cat stickers, your messy hair, your sweet laugh... everything"

His feet were starting to feel numb after standing there in the cold for so long.

The routine was the same. Every sunday Hyunjin would come by to keep her company, he would stare, then cry and leave whenever the sadness started to turn into anger.

The familiar feeling started to build under his skin as his eyes stayed fixed on the writing at the stone.

  Kim Hyunjin

"Beloved friend and daughter"

+ 15/11/1980

☆ 30/11/1997

The name and the numbers stared back at him, cold and final.

He was breathing heavily, the realization that nothing would change dawned on him once again. He placed down the bouquet he had brought with him gently, despite how hard he had held onto it just a second ago.

Just a few more minutes passed, just enough for his sadness to turn into denial and then into an all-consuming rage. It was all he needed to leave, enough fuel to bike all the 10 kilometers back home.

15/10/1998

What is a person, if not memories?

The phrase had been echoing on his mind ever since Heejin said it in her speech at Hyunjin's memorial.

He never really left that day. He has been living there ever since it happened. He remembers every little word said, every person that attended, who cried, and who didn't.

Everyone says there's five stages of grief, but in 11 months of trying, he never made it past denial.

And right now, he stares at one of the dozens of letters Hyunjin had sent him. He had read them a million times, but it always felt comforting and equally gut-wrenching in some weird but good way.

The handwriting was pretty, sometimes messy and nonsensical, like she was writing her thoughts as they came on a personal diary, but they were letters Hwang used to receive weekly, sometimes daily.

Three soft knocks on the door took his attention away from Kim's words. His mom opened the door slowly, her head peeking in as she searched for him on the familiar space, the desk, surrounded by letters and other stuff Kim had given him.

"Hello, dear." her eyes scanned the scene. It was pitiful. "You haven't left your room today. Wanna go out for a walk?"

Her tone was soft, so soft that it wouldn't be heard if it wasn't for how quiet Hwang's room was.

He didn't answer right away. He couldn't even look at her right now. His eyes were red, teary, and his breathing uneven.

"There's a cat outside." it was all he needed to say.

Of course, she thought, every now and then, the neighbor's cat would run away to simply sit outside on their front yard. It felt like a sick joke, and Hwang couldn't take it.

"I'll let you know when he's gone"

He nodded, holding his breath.

22/10/1998

When the news about Hyunjin's passing broke at school, everyone was shocked. The school council planned several meetings about depression, grief, and mental health awareness.

It was too late.

It was infuriating how long people would let things go on before taking action.

Hwang didn't attend any of the meetings or mentioned what happened at all. That got him a few dirty looks, curious eyes and a bunch of gossip about how "unfazed" he looked

Hwang Hyunjin was not unfazed. He was calamitoustly devastated.

Being thrown at sea without warning and sinking continuously for so long, you could never get back up

That's exactly how life felt after that.

Hwang snaps out of his thoughts as he reaches his destination. The bouquet in his hand was neatly wrapped, and the flowers were so perfectly picked they looked fake.

His hands shook as he reached to place the bouquet at the grave. The day had been colder than usual, but he still made the effort to show up.

"I hope you can forgive me." his breathing and the wind were the only things heard for a couple of seconds. "I miss you"

13/04/1997

"Come on, Hwang, it's not a big deal!" Kim tried to console Hwang after his team lost their soccer game.

"It definitely is. It's embarrassing." he tossed his backpack aside, laying down on the grass beside her. "I scored an own goal, I made them lose!" He added, more dramatic than before.

"So what? That's not a crime." she tilted her head just enough to look at his face. "You went there and tried your best, that's enough." he felt her fingers wrap around his cheeks, squeezing it gently. "Smile, Hwang. I'll always love you, even if you suck.

He pushed her hand away, mumbling something about her being silly. She just smiled like always.

It was their regular thing, Hwang would come over to Kim's house, spend the whole day there, and eventually end up laying down with her as they watched the stars in the backyard.

It was their sacred place. A lot happened there ever since they became best friends in third grade.

They were each other's first kiss at Kim's old tree house.

They saw an eclipse for the first time there, too.

They shared secrets, stories, dreams, and plans.

Hwang once had to reject Kim's confession right below the place they once kissed in. He said he didn't want to ruin their friendship, even though he loved her so much he could explode.

It felt right at the time. He regrets it now.

11/11/1997

November 11th, 1997, the last time Hwang saw Kim.

Things got different after Hyunjin lost her mom at the end of February. It was so sudden Hwang didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything for weeks. And when he finally did, Hyunjin didn't say anything back

If he was being honest, they weren't talking much even before that. He had gotten caught up in practice and classes. He barely had time to hang out or text people

And for some reason, when Kim Hyunjin, his best friend in the whole world, couldn't understand how busy he was, he got angry. So, instead of being ignored, he started to ignore her instead. When she eventually started to reach out again, she was met with absolute indifference.

One day, after another lost game, the third just this month, Hwang stormed out the field with so much anger his whole face turned red.

He just didn't notice Kim followed him all the way to the locker room.

"Hwang, wait!" The sweet and soft voice called out, making his anger subside even if just for a second. But he ultimately chose to keep walking until there was nowhere else to go.

"You never answer my texts," she stated, not angry or loud, just sad. "I've sent you letters, I know you get them"

Hwang had his forehead pressed against a locker, fighting against the sudden urge to sob. He felt like a failure, as an athlete and as a person. He felt the first stream of tears starting to flow.

"But that's not what im here for." he felt her hand squeezing his shoulder gently, the slight pressure enough to give him some reassurance. "I know you feel like you failed. You always dreamed of being part of the team, I know how much it matters to you. I know what it feels like to fail and lose hope, but you don't have to feel that way, I don't want you to" listening to her felt like being given medicine, it felt like hope and understanding. "You can not hide under the pressure. Don't let it consume you. But you don't have to suppress it. You can let it out. It's okay to admit defeat."

Hwang couldn't quite understand how it happened, but Kim managed to make him face her, he could see could sad she looked, how drained she was, how much she had changed since the last time he really looked at her. When her lips touched his, a mix of emotions erupted from his confused heart. Fear and excitement were just a few of them.

"I'm not asking you to make me a priority, or to reciprocate my feelings, I just need you to pretend for that small amount of time, for just a few fleeting seconds, that you love me more than anything in the world" she kissed him again, sweeter this time, longer. "You deserve better, Hwang. So much better"

15/11/1998

"I'll never be able to say how sorry I am for everything"

Hwang stared at the date that haunted him.

"But I loved you, Hyunjin. Maybe not in the way you needed me to, but in the only way I knew. I was foolish, stupid, and selfish, so young and self-centered. I forgot to look at you past the idealized version of you I wanted to keep"

He struggled to take a breath, his vision blurry from all the tears.

"There isn't a day where I don't miss you, all of you. The ups and downs. Your cat stickers, your messy hair, your sweet laugh... everything"

His feet were starting to feel numb after standing there in the cold for so long.

The routine was the same. Every sunday Hyunjin would come by to keep her company, he would stare, then cry and leave whenever the sadness started to turn into anger.

The familiar feeling started to build under his skin as his eyes stayed fixed on the writing at the stone.

  Kim Hyunjin

"Beloved friend and daughter"

+ 15/11/1980

☆ 30/11/1997

The name and the numbers stared back at him, cold and final.

He was breathing heavily, the realization that nothing would change dawned on him once again. He placed down the bouquet he had brought with him gently, despite how hard he had held onto it just a second ago.

Just a few more minutes passed, just enough for his sadness to turn into denial and then into an all-consuming rage. It was all he needed to leave, enough fuel to bike all the 10 kilometers back home.

15/10/1998

What is a person, if not memories?

The phrase had been echoing on his mind ever since Heejin said it in her speech at Hyunjin's memorial.

He never really left that day. He has been living there ever since it happened. He remembers every little word said, every person that attended, who cried, and who didn't.

Everyone says there's five stages of grief, but in 11 months of trying, he never made it past denial.

And right now, he stares at one of the dozens of letters Hyunjin had sent him. He had read them a million times, but it always felt comforting and equally gut-wrenching in some weird but good way.

The handwriting was pretty, sometimes messy and nonsensical, like she was writing her thoughts as they came on a personal diary, but they were letters Hwang used to receive weekly, sometimes daily.

Three soft knocks on the door took his attention away from Kim's words. His mom opened the door slowly, her head peeking in as she searched for him on the familiar space, the desk, surrounded by letters and other stuff Kim had given him.

"Hello, dear." her eyes scanned the scene. It was pitiful. "You haven't left your room today. Wanna go out for a walk?"

Her tone was soft, so soft that it wouldn't be heard if it wasn't for how quiet Hwang's room was.

He didn't answer right away. He couldn't even look at her right now. His eyes were red, teary, and his breathing uneven.

"There's a cat outside." it was all he needed to say.

Of course, she thought, every now and then, the neighbor's cat would run away to simply sit outside on their front yard. It felt like a sick joke, and Hwang couldn't take it.

"I'll let you know when he's gone"

He nodded, holding his breath.

22/10/1998

When the news about Hyunjin's passing broke at school, everyone was shocked. The school council planned several meetings about depression, grief, and mental health awareness.

It was too late.

It was infuriating how long people would let things go on before taking action.

Hwang didn't attend any of the meetings or mentioned what happened at all. That got him a few dirty looks, curious eyes and a bunch of gossip about how "unfazed" he looked

Hwang Hyunjin was not unfazed. He was calamitoustly devastated.

Being thrown at sea without warning and sinking continuously for so long, you could never get back up

That's exactly how life felt after that.

Hwang snaps out of his thoughts as he reaches his destination. The bouquet in his hand was neatly wrapped, and the flowers were so perfectly picked they looked fake.

His hands shook as he reached to place the bouquet at the grave. The day had been colder than usual, but he still made the effort to show up.

"I hope you can forgive me." his breathing and the wind were the only things heard for a couple of seconds. "I miss you"

13/04/1997

"Come on, Hwang, it's not a big deal!" Kim tried to console Hwang after his team lost their soccer game.

"It definitely is. It's embarrassing." he tossed his backpack aside, laying down on the grass beside her. "I scored an own goal, I made them lose!" He added, more dramatic than before.

"So what? That's not a crime." she tilted her head just enough to look at his face. "You went there and tried your best, that's enough." he felt her fingers wrap around his cheeks, squeezing it gently. "Smile, Hwang. I'll always love you, even if you suck.

He pushed her hand away, mumbling something about her being silly. She just smiled like always.

It was their regular thing, Hwang would come over to Kim's house, spend the whole day there, and eventually end up laying down with her as they watched the stars in the backyard.

It was their sacred place. A lot happened there ever since they became best friends in third grade.

They were each other's first kiss at Kim's old tree house.

They saw an eclipse for the first time there, too.

They shared secrets, stories, dreams, and plans.

Hwang once had to reject Kim's confession right below the place they once kissed in. He said he didn't want to ruin their friendship, even though he loved her so much he could explode.

It felt right at the time. He regrets it now.

11/11/1997

November 11th, 1997, the last time Hwang saw Kim.

Things got different after Hyunjin lost her mom at the end of February. It was so sudden Hwang didn't know what to say, so he didn't say anything for weeks. And when he finally did, Hyunjin didn't say anything back

If he was being honest, they weren't talking much even before that. He had gotten caught up in practice and classes. He barely had time to hang out or text people

And for some reason, when Kim Hyunjin, his best friend in the whole world, couldn't understand how busy he was, he got angry. So, instead of being ignored, he started to ignore her instead. When she eventually started to reach out again, she was met with absolute indifference.

One day, after another lost game, the third just this month, Hwang stormed out the field with so much anger his whole face turned red.

He just didn't notice Kim followed him all the way to the locker room.

"Hwang, wait!" The sweet and soft voice called out, making his anger subside even if just for a second. But he ultimately chose to keep walking until there was nowhere else to go.

"You never answer my texts," she stated, not angry or loud, just sad. "I've sent you letters, I know you get them"

Hwang had his forehead pressed against a locker, fighting against the sudden urge to sob. He felt like a failure, as an athlete and as a person. He felt the first stream of tears starting to flow.

"But that's not what im here for." he felt her hand squeezing his shoulder gently, the slight pressure enough to give him some reassurance. "I know you feel like you failed. You always dreamed of being part of the team, I know how much it matters to you. I know what it feels like to fail and lose hope, but you don't have to feel that way, I don't want you to" listening to her felt like being given medicine, it felt like hope and understanding. "You can not hide under the pressure. Don't let it consume you. But you don't have to suppress it. You can let it out. It's okay to admit defeat."

Hwang couldn't quite understand how it happened, but Kim managed to make him face her, he could see could sad she looked, how drained she was, how much she had changed since the last time he really looked at her. When her lips touched his, a mix of emotions erupted from his confused heart. Fear and excitement were just a few of them.

"I'm not asking you to make me a priority, or to reciprocate my feelings, I just need you to pretend for that small amount of time, for just a few fleeting seconds, that you love me more than anything in the world" she kissed him again, sweeter this time, longer. "You deserve better, Hwang. So much better"

15/11/1998

"I'll never be able to say how sorry I am for everything"

Hwang stared at the date that haunted him.

"But I loved you, Hyunjin. Maybe not in the way you needed me to, but in the only way I knew. I was foolish, stupid, and selfish, so young and self-centered. I forgot to look at you past the idealized version of you I wanted to keep"

He struggled to take a breath, his vision blurry from all the tears.

"There isn't a day where I don't miss you, all of you. The ups and downs. Your cat stickers, your messy hair, your sweet laugh... everything"

His feet were starting to feel numb after standing there in the cold for so long.

His feet carried him down the hallway, following the subtle sounds of his sister's footsteps, that seemed to get further and further the more he followed them.

Seungmin never thought he would be one to witness such a thing, his parents always said this would never happen in homes like theirs.

Once Seungmin walks past the kitchen's window, he hears a loud, dry, and demanding knock on its glass. The windowpane vibrates, almost like it would fly off the wall, but then it opens slowly.

Seungmin takes a step back, slowly allowing himself to peek through the window. And that's when he sees her; Hyunjin is standing by their old tree house again.

Standing there barefoot in the snow, both her long black hair and her white night gown soaked, water dripped from her with every step.

Most times, Seungmin would just watch her until she was gone. But once in a while, he would try to come closer, and as he watched her stare back at him, he realized this was one of those nights.

After a fraction of a second, Seungmin snaps out of his pondering and runs to grab his coat and shoes by the door. He could never go out without proper clothing in the middle of january, even if Hyunjin's improper attire made him think otherwise.

Seungmin felt a familiar sense of nausea coming up once he was out the door, he could feel Hyunjin's scent linger in the cold air, something he hadn't felt in a long time.

His whole body seemed to reject the idea of going out, his feet turning numb the closer he got to her and the furthest he walked from home.

The path towards Hyunjin seemed so close, yet so far. Far enough to give him time to think about the last time he had seen her, really seen her, not the cosmic reverie standing before him now.

It was late January, almost a whole year ago. He held her hands so tight he was sure it was hurting, because it hurt him. He had begged her to kneel, begged her to ask their parents for forgiveness, begged her to repent and promise to not commit any sin ever again. He recalls the way she would cry desperately as their mother prayed and wailed in such despair he could feel his bones vibrate with the sound. The way he had never seen their father as furious as that day. He also recalls how things spiraled out of control once their father grew angrier, how Hyunjin was forced to kneel and pray by herself all night on their backyard, while the snow fell heavily upon her.

After a few more steps, Seungmin stopped. Like he had been hit with a moment of clarity; maybe he didn't deserve to talk to her, not after being a part of it. Not after lying to his family so she could run away, only for her to be found floating face down hours later.

Seungmin hasn't prayed ever since. How could he ever devote his time to some being who refused to save his little sister, his favorite person in the whole wide world?

Seungmin felt his entire body start to numb. He wasn't sure if it was the cold or the guilt starting to settle in.

Once he felt the first tear roll down his cheek, he decided to turn around and make his way back inside. His eyes burning as he cried harder with each step taken.

"It wasn't your fault."

The sweet, warm, and familiar voice echoed through the backyard, making him pause. He had almost forgotten how she sounded like. He didn't look at her. He couldn't. He felt helpless, scared, confused, and lost all at once.

"It was never your fault."

Hearing Hyunjin's voice always felt like home, and hearing her after so long was like finding a cure for an open wound he wasn't aware he had in the first place.

After a few seconds of silence, Seungmin decided to turn around, look in her eyes, and say everything he wasn't able to.

But just like his faith, his respect for the church, and his trust in his parents, Hyunjin disappeared.

Ryujin, who hadn't missed a single mass her entire life, was now denied access to the very church she had grown up in. All because she dared to love the most beautiful soul she had ever met.

How could any mortal ever feel entitled enough to judge her, her choices, or her actions? How could they, when they were equally sinners?

She can still recall the first time she saw her, Hyunjin. The personification of everything she had ever prayed for. How her yellow sweater looked when the sun shined in the morning and made her glow in ways Ryujin didn't believe was possible.

Loving Hyunjin was easy, in book club meetings, sunday masses, and walks in the park. Ryujin loved Hyunjin everywhere, all the time. And one time, behind a tree, Ryujin got to taste it. She got to kiss the love of her life for the very first time, and for the first time, she felt blessed.

The secret moment, supposed to be shared by two souls who were lucky enough to be loved by each other, had been seen by someone else. Not just seen, but shared, judged, and condemned. Gossip turned into reprehension, shame, and scandal. Ryujin had lost count of how many times she had to ask for forgiveness, without truly meaning to, because she would never regret what happened.

Hyunjin and her family weren't seen at church after the incident. They were expelled. Ryujin's family persisted in showing up, only to be ostracized when doing so.

The next time Ryujin got to see her lover's face, she was lifeless. As blue as the sky, as still as time had been ever since they had to be pulled apart. Hyunjin had jumped into a river, consumed by the water and taken away by some higher power, who Ryujin doubted could ever do any good.

And in the wake of the sunshine, on the first day of May, Ryujin decided to be gone just the same. She didn't believe in anyone, or anything.

On the screen, there's the image of a homemade cake, the frosting looks slightly uneven, the colorful sprinkles doing very little to hide the fact that the cake was improvised. The video is shaky as the person recording walks down the hallway filming her own feet, then the camera is brought upwards, and the previously shaky image now focus on a girl, Hyunjin, her long black hair framing her face as she struggles to hold the camera and keep herself in frame in front of the mirror.

The sound of a door opening, hurried footsteps, and Hyunjin's giggles echoes through the living room. She ran back to the kitchen, where the cake was set up with a few colorful balloons around the table. A birthday banner can also be seen for a second, clearly handwritten by her.

Then, Chan comes into frame, appearing in the doorway with a big smile on his face. Hyunjin says something that sounds like "Happy birthday" and "I love you" between giggles.

If Chan was being honest, he didn't need to watch the tape to remember that day. It was already burnt into his mind.

The sound of her sweet voice singing him a birthday song fills up the room, and just for a moment, it feels like she was still his.

When the camera angle changes and Hyunjin's face is now on focus, Chan feels his heart break in a million little pieces. The white dress, the pretty smile, her beautiful eyes that stayed focused on him despite the camera pointing at her, made his eyes water instantly.

As the tears silently continue to fall, Chan gets filled with an unexpected wave of rage, he wants to get up and punch the TV until his fists were covered in all the million tiny pieces of shattered glass. But he just leans forward to turn off the TV, removing the tape.

The room grew darker without the TV on, he stayed sat there crying for a few minutes more. When he finally got up, he grabbed the pile of tapes, about eight or twelve of them, he wasn't sure, he lost count. His feet carried him out of the living room to his kitchen, where he threw all the tapes into his empty trash can. But he still had something else to put there.

He walked out of his kitchen, going to his room this time, and grabbed the delicate wedding invitation envelope that sitted by his bedside table. On the inside, the pretty golden cursive letters spelled Hyunjin's and her fiance's name.

He opened the envelope, reading it carefully one last time before throwing it away; Saturday, July 11th, 1992. Hyunjin was getting married to Lee Minho, her childhood best friend, and the golden letters staring at him felt like a punch in the gut.

On the screen, there's the image of a homemade cake, the frosting looks slightly uneven, the colorful sprinkles doing very little to hide the fact that the cake was improvised. The video is shaky as the person recording walks down the hallway filming her own feet, then the camera is brought upwards, and the previously shaky image now focus on a girl, Hyunjin, her long black hair framing her face as she struggles to hold the camera and keep herself in frame in front of the mirror.

The sound of a door opening, hurried footsteps, and Hyunjin's giggles echoes through the living room. She ran back to the kitchen, where the cake was set up with a few colorful balloons around the table. A birthday banner can also be seen for a second, clearly handwritten by her.

Then, Chan comes into frame, appearing in the doorway with a big smile on his face. Hyunjin says something that sounds like "Happy birthday" and "I love you" between giggles.

If Chan was being honest, he didn't need to watch the tape to remember that day. It was already burnt into his mind.

The sound of her sweet voice singing him a birthday song fills up the room, and just for a moment, it feels like she was still his.

When the camera angle changes and Hyunjin's face is now on focus, Chan feels his heart break in a million little pieces. The white dress, the pretty smile, her beautiful eyes that stayed focused on him despite the camera pointing at her, made his eyes water instantly.

As the tears silently continue to fall, Chan gets filled with an unexpected wave of rage, he wants to get up and punch the TV until his fists were covered in all the million tiny pieces of shattered glass. But he just leans forward to turn off the TV, removing the tape.

The room grew darker without the TV on, he stayed sat there crying for a few minutes more. When he finally got up, he grabbed the pile of tapes, about eight or twelve of them, he wasn't sure, he lost count. His feet carried him out of the living room to his kitchen, where he threw all the tapes into his empty trash can. But he still had something else to put there.

He walked out of his kitchen, going to his room this time, and grabbed the delicate wedding invitation envelope that sitted by his bedside table. On the inside, the pretty golden cursive letters spelled Hyunjin's and her fiance's name.

He opened the envelope, reading it carefully one last time before throwing it away; Saturday, July 11th, 1992. Hyunjin was getting married to Lee Minho, her childhood best friend, and the golden letters staring at him felt like a punch in the gut.