These Things Happen When Its Dark Out

I'M GOING TO LOST LANDS AHHHHHH

I'm so excited! Getting a new knee is definitely going to put a damper on the next fews shows I go to so this is a nice refresher. I'll only be out of work for 6 weeks I think so that's good news. I plan on being up and thriving by Mid March. l am not financially worried if I'm being honest. The camping cost this time is only 300 each and we don't need to rent an RV so that's a huge plus.

I called out. I sent my managers a message around 630 this morning and told them I wasnt feeling well. I didnt go into specifics but with the amount of people who kept asking me if I was okay was kind of a sign maybe I should take a day to myself. I dot want to rot in a bed all day but I feel like that's what I should do today. I did do the dishes this morning when I finally did wake up and get out of bed. I just made myself a coffee and decided to write this post.

I'll probably clean up the kitchen more because it looks crummy in a literal way. Cleaning the kitchen is mental for me because of living with three roommates currently. None of them will wipe the counter or stove after they cleaned and depending on the dish situation at that current moment decides if they will do their own dishes too. I try not to be a nag but I feel like my roommates were not raised to be. independent. One of them had their mom cleaning their entire house and room their whole life. The other lived with a girlfriend and her parents for four years and they for sure didn't clean up after themselves because I'm assuming her parents did it.

today was less than stellar if I'm being honest. I couldn't help but feel mono-toned and like I couldn't shake the feeling when you're about to cry; and the back of your throat gets all scrunchy and weird. My patients kept asking me if I was okay which mad eye choke uo even more because I physically couldn't form the words to lie. I was very short all day and just replied "no" or "im okay".

I just can't understand what is wrong. The. last time I felt this was I ended up hospitalized and I had to go to group therapy 5 days a week for 6 hours a day. I cannot say I hate therapy but I'd rather not have to take another dramatic hiatus.

The only thing to actually cheer me up was that today is my dog, Jax's 10th birthday. I made him. cake last nigh that was dog friendly of course. It didn't smell terrible! I mixed together some peanut butter, canned pumpkin, honey, flour and baking soda! I frosted the cake with vanilla yogurt and he was a very happy boy.

I'm still deciding whether or not I want to call out tomorrow, what do you think?? I've already taken my anxiety medication for the night and if I'm still feeling like this in the morning, I can be an adult and let them know I need a mental health day. Maybe I can finish a book or I can just journal and cry. I'll decide when I. get there I guess.

Maybe New Hampshire will surprise me with another 4 inches of snow. We got around 5 inches today and the roads were a mess. My roommate, Angel, told me the highway was a parking lot littered with accidents and flashing hazard lights. Praying for everyone to get home safe but also praying it gets worse so I can stay home tomorrow.

Thanks for the rant