Things That Happened When We Ended

NOW I AM DRUNK AND SORT OF MISS MY PROBABLY TERRIBLE EX, SOMEONE TELL ME HE’S TERRIBLE, WHYYYYYYYY?

Warning Signs I Ignored So You Don’t Have To: 16. Refers to a former partner’s response to his rather cavalier rejection of her as a “face full of scorned woman venom.” Apparently “that shit stings, bro.”

Warning Signs I Ignored So You Don’t Have To:  15. Literally says “I’m a bit of a narcissist.”

Warning Signs I Ignored So You Don’t Have To: 14. Says his last long-distance relationship was a total train wreck and now he hates long-distance relationships. You are in a long-distance relationship. When you ask him about what went wrong and how you can work together to avoid those things in your relationship, he says "Aw, baby, you don't have to worry about that."

Warning Signs I Ignored So You Don’t Have To: 13. When asked about why he doesn't try to get you off, tells you he's noticed you can do it yourself, and he's about "whatever works". PSA for my cis-het dudes: a 1:6 orgasm ratio in your favour is not working.

Warning Signs I Ignored So You Don’t Have To: 12. After you ask if there’s anything you’re not doing that he would enjoy, says "If I was gonna be a dick, I'd say you're not doing enough to turn me on.” Then insists that since he's not a dick, he wouldn't say that. Has, at that point in your relationship, never ever given you an orgasm.

And now again--Warning Signs I Ignored So You Don’t Have To: 9. The first time we showered together, he asked me to get out so that he could take a pee. It was my shower.

Once again--Warning Signs I Ignored So You Don't Have To!: 8. His New Year's Resolution is not to smoke marijuana until 4:20 every day. He can't keep it.