Live. Learn. Love.

I’ve begun mourning my current relationship. I love her, but she says it isn’t right. The hard thing is that she has Borderline Personality Disorder and I don’t know if it’s the disorder speaking or if it’s her. One minute she wants to be with me, the next she doesn’t. But last night she crossed a line. She physically attacked me. Punched me in the face multiple times, I began choking her out of self defense and let go when I realized what was happening. She then kicked me and continued to hit me in the face. She blames me for her crazy behavior. Refuses to apologize for her behavior. Says it only needs to be talked about with people who are staying together. That I’m the reason she’s acting that way. She plays the victim role non stop and I refuse to be held accountable for someone else’s mental well being. I’m sad for her. I see her as a wounded lion. Someone who does not know how to exercise the skills to create a healthy relationship, stuck in repeating a volatile cycle with whoever tries to get close to her. I thought this was something I could handle until she gets better, but frankly I am unhappy. She is negative and always complains and never takes ownership for her actions. The worst thing is, I’m stuck in this apartment with her. Moved out to Phoenix with her on a whim after she agreed she’d let me stay with her until I could get my own place. She uses that against me and forces to kick me out and send me to a shelter if I I don’t play by rules. One minute she is seductive and loving. Speaks highly of me and the relationship. The next she’s volatile and cruel and abusive. She’s stuck repeating this cycle and I am stuck with her. Such is the life of BPD and those who get caught in their storm.