Welcome to the morning.

I know this is beyond burnout for me. I take care of myself to keep myself from burning out. I feel exhausted of the pain this world inflicts upon people. I don’t like knowing my friends are anxious and hurting. I don’t like knowing that so many people are afraid. I don’t like holding it all in the back of my mind everywhere I go. I wince when I ask people how they’re doing because we both know how we’re doing and don’t want to talk about it because we’re so tired. I don’t feel like being awake. I have Marien keeping me up. She’s amazing. I am forever grateful to her. 

What kind of rest do I need when sleep doesn’t make the tiredness go away?I feel like going back to LA, getting into bed and staying in bed for days. I can’t do that here. I haven’t been doing a lot for the last week. I need to assess what I’ve done and figure out why I’m so tired.

I’ve been doing my usual coordinator things. I  went to a friend’s sister’s court hearing. Her bond was denied. That crushed me and I held my friends close. I witnessed the United States endorse its bigoted history in the election of Donald Trump. I read and feel the fear of everyone around me. I attended and helped out with La Lucha Sigue. I partied. I went to Ikea. I don’t wanna list anything else out, I’m too tired. 

Nothing will do the trick for me. I just have to weather it out. I love my life. Don’t get me wrong. An array of beautiful people bless my life. I’ve got a loving family. I’ve got the best partner in the world. 

But the world is not so kind. 

Hey, Dad, how it’s going? 

You need another hip replacement, huh? 

Bullshit, the first one was full-proof 

Proof that this systems works you till your bones break. 

What do you think about the elections, Dad? 

You don’t care because it doesn’t affect you, fair enough. 

But what if it did? 

I know your heart is soft because cried at the end of Mighty Ducks

Who does that shit?! 

I know your heart is soft.

Dad, I went to court yesterday to hear a judge tell a mother she deserves to be detained

And that she is a danger to the community

and that she should be deported.

And I saw her youngest son break. 

Would it affect you then? 

I love you. 

You’re tired. I hear you. 

You’ve fought enough. 

(Sonder)