wire got a line

when freud said bisexuality is what happens when you dont fully develop a brain he was right and im proof

Freud is a lil bitch, my idiocy doesn’t have nothing to do with bisexuality and all to do with my own hubris

i get offended when freud says i’m a dumbass because i’m bi, because i feel like he’s overlooking all the other perfectly valid reasons i’m a dumbass.

I’m gonna be a smart bi just to flex on freud

apparently my boss who is a professor at my school doesn’t have a cell phone and his coworkers were upset by this so they bought him a childs toy phone and labeled it “David’s jitterbug” (for those of you that don’t know jitterbugs are phones made for old people that have like massive buttons and shit) so the other day I walked into his office to ask him a question and he pressed a button on it which made it start loudly playing the ABCs and he said “excuse me I have to take this” and then started singing along to the ABCs while shooing me out of his office

Your skin isn't glowing bitch you just oily

buzzfeed owes me 2.8M USD for stealing my posts and (unrelated) taking my first born child

if you know how to draw kirby if you know how to draw my little baby boy I will marry you on the spot

i go to taco bell and order the yeehaw supreme

and then what?? finish your story don’t leave me on a clifthanger like this fish!! D:

i pay them $1.75, the cashier covers their fist in sour cream and punches me right in the face

i’m gay and i don’t care who knows it!!!!!!!!!!!!!! preferably as many people as possible though

Romeo and Juliet isn’t even a love story. It’s basically a 3-day relationship between 2 kids that cause 6 deaths.

like this post and I will instantly teleport to your home and gobble up your shower curtain

My shower curtain is glass

well crunchity munchity then, you think that will stop me?

G a y !

FISH NO

FISH PLEASE YOU COULD GET HURT