Will you critique something I am writing?
I would be happy to!~R
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@whatroleplayersneed
Will you critique something I am writing?
I would be happy to!~R

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Don't leave! I was just about to start getting back on. :( I'm finally getting things on track... Knowing this blog exists at all makes me happy.
--R
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"A while" more like “several months” but that’s okay, R, that’s okay we’re trying ~AA
Hey now, put some pep in that step, Doc! You and I will do what we can now that you're free and I'm so close to FREEDOM! Where do you suggest we start?
~R
Commonly Confused Words
Fewer: If you can count it, use ‘fewer’
eg: We have fewer cakes than we need.
Less: If you can’t count it, use ‘less’
eg: I have less respect for you now.

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My my, it certainly has been a while, hasn’t it? I see we have near 20 critiques drafted—perhaps it’s time to get this active again! After all, we’re here to help.
~R
"A while" more like "several months" but that's okay, R, that's okay we're trying ~AA
10 Words That You’ve Probably Been Misusing
1) Travesty
What you may think it means: a tragedy, an unfortunate event
What it actually means: a mockery; a parody
This one, I’ll admit, is my own personal error. For the longest time, I equated travesty with tragedy, mostly because in passing, they sound like the same word. It’s stupid, I know, but if you knew how many times I confused fetal position with beetle position, you wouldn’t be laughing. It’s a serious problem.
2) Ironic
What you may think it means: a funny coincidence
What it actually means: contrary to what you might expect
It’s not ironic that you bumped into a talking turtle in a sweater vest right after you told your friend how cool it would be to bump into a talking turtle in a sweater vest. It’s a coincidence, and believe it or not, those two words are not related. Also, you should probably lay off the drugs because I’m pretty sure animals shouldn’t be talking.
3) Peruse
What you may think it means: to skim or glance over something
What it actually means: to review something carefully/in-depth
How this definition got completely turned on its head, I’ll never know, but I’ll be sure never to say “I’m going to go peruse my math textbook” ever again, just in case someone overhears and tries to hold me to it under the real meaning.
4) Bemused
What you may think it means: amused
What it actually means: confused
Again, with the whole “words sounding alike” issue. I’m starting to think I just need hearing aids. This is getting out of hand.
5) Compelled
What you may think it means: to willingly do something, to feel like you need to do something
What it actually means: to be forced to do something (willingly or unwillingly)
The word you’re looking for is “impelled.” I agree, it doesn’t get enough attention.
6) Nauseous
What you may think it means: to feel sick
What it actually means: to cause nausea
When you eat too much ice cream and declare to your mom or the nearest adult, “I feel nauseous,” what you’re actually saying is that you are causing people around you to feel sick. Thanks, jerk. (For the record, “I’m nauseated” is the way to go.)
7) Conversate
What you may think it means: to hold a conversation
What it actually means: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
This word is a mix of conversation and converse, and doesn’t actually exist, like unicorns or YOUR DREAMS. (I’m kidding. Unicorns are totally real.)
8) Redundant
What you may think it means: repetitive
What it actually means: superfluous, able to be cut out
“Including this sentence is redundant because you already mentioned your love of Santa Claus in the previous paragraph.” This has always been my exposure to the word redundant, so it only makes sense that I would think repetitive was correct. I can’t be the only one? Right? RIGHT?
9) Enormity
What you may think it means: enormousness
What it actually means: extreme evil
I don’t know where the “extreme evil” thing came from (probably the Devil) but enormity makes more sense as enormousness in my mind.
10) Terrific
What you may think it means: awesome, fantastic
What it actually means: causing terror
Okay, so “causing terror” is more of an outdated definition but I still thought it was interesting. Maybe keep this fun fact in the back of your mind the next time you call your favorite camper, “Terrific Tommy,” because technically, a few decades ago, that might have been an insult. Unless instead of a camper, he’s a serial killer. In that case, go for it.
Info via DailyWritingTips.com, Cracked.com, and WriteItSideways.com. Image via GinnyTonkin.com.
My my, it certainly has been a while, hasn't it? I see we have near 20 critiques drafted--perhaps it's time to get this active again! After all, we're here to help.
~R
I wouldn't mind a critique. When you get a chance! Please take you're time. -moretomethanbooksandcleverness
Hello there, nonnie! We would definitely love to do your critique, however—if you look at our rules—we cannot accept anonymous requests. This is purely out of concern for the blog requested, in case it’s not actually you asking! We understand if you are currently on a personal or separate blog, or even if your rp blog is a sideblog, so please take your time to send it in from a place where we can confirm this is the correct mun, and we’ll be glad to add you!
—R
look guys tbh if you want my critiques/comments on your writing/other honest stuff like that then you should drop by whatroleplayersneed b/c they’re a blog dedicated to giving that sort of stuff and I’m there as a guest admin for a while, helping out uwu
Ingrid, you lil weasel. --R

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I'm not entirely sure how this works, but a critique would be wonderful! :)
You've done perfectly fine, love! I'll go ahead and add you! Thanks for messaging us!!--R
I know you probably have a long list to get to, but if it isn't any trouble, I would like an honest critique for once. Also, I'll just throw in that I love that this blog even exists.
Well hello, darling! Yes, we have quite the list, but we're doing our best to start answering again. If I had my laptop, I would be on it right now! Don't worry though--we're happy to add you in! And THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE COMPLIMENT WE ARE HAPPY TO HAVE SUCH LOVELY FANS <3--R (who responds without an icon bc mobile)
Writing Critique for Notamailman
@notamailman
Please remember that we will not forfeit honesty for coddling. We want you to improve, not stay where you are thinking you can do no better!
Yoo, Flo! Darling. I'm glad you sent this in! Sorry for the wait in getting to this, the lot of us've been a tad busy with things~ But we're back now, and we're ready to go! (Yeah we're back and we're ready to go-- on the rooftops, shoutin' out-- shoutin' out--) I hope you don't mind if I take this one! Please remember that a critique can be taken down at any time, per your request <3 Also you'll probably know who I am by now but shh im super secret undercover
Punctuation: Ahhh, this isn't my area! I dunno if you've noticed, but R's really the one to take this sort of thing. She's got a real fondness for this link on correct-comma-usage and I reckon you might benefit from taking a look. Another thing I did want to comment on was your use of dashes; it's not bad, necessarily, but every now and then you use them where there should be a new paragraph (e.g. "... end sentence. -- Anyway.") and I'm not sure if that's a stylistic thing, on your part, but it was worth mentioning. ALSO ALSO ALSO it might be good to take a look into how to use punctuation in and around quotes, or dialogue? It seems you have a little trouble with that -- one helpful tip is that the comma/period/exclamation point/question mark/etc always goes before the quotation mark! That could very well just be a common typo from you, or something, so -- just keep an eye out, I s'pose.
Grammar: Something else I've noticed 'bout your writing: the use of 'a' versus 'an'. You've probably been taught in school before that you use 'an' whenever the following word starts with a vowel, but that's wrong. You use 'an' whenever the following word starts with a vowel sound. That means that things that start with a hard 'u', for instance, start with the 'y' sound when pronouncing them -- and don't need "an" before them. A ute, not an ute. It also means that occasionally words starting with 'h' require 'an'! It's really just a matter of paying attention. Also -- you never use contractions. Ever. Did someone tell you not to use them? If someone said "do not use contractions", then just contract that sentence to "do use contractions". Contractions are very good for the flow of the writing and keep things much more coherent and just together; your muse isn't exactly modern, so keeping Gabriel's speech that separate is fine and even a very good idea, but I'm not too fond of the lack of contractions in narration, personally.
Word Choice/Sentence Structure: You use a lot of commonly-used descriptors and actions. Admittedly, you do it well, and that's the mark of a good writer, but that doesn't change the fact you use them -- writing "he smiled a bit" rather than thinking of something better than 'a bit' or leaving it blank, or even just writing in short sentences that almost... emanate the tone of most roleplayers. Your muse is definitely unique and important but it feels like you're getting caught up with getting replies out and not genuinely focusing on them while writing -- that said, it seems (seems) to only be present in the shorter threads of yours I can see, so that might well be the case. Also, again, and it seems to happen a lot with your writing, it's like you're aware of something you shouldn't do and you're challenging yourself to not do it, but you're not really not-doing-it with the same skill you could be. Starting sentences with pronouns referring to your character isn't an absolute no-no. Sure, try to change sentence structure every now and then and don't keep every sentence starting the same way -- but keep that last bit in mind. Don't let every sentence start the same way, be it "____ing, he" or a pronoun or an internal thought. Variety is maybe not key, but it can be very important.
Character Development: Gab! Gabby. Gaygay. Gaberroo. [opens the about page] [closes the about page] man fuck that it's tiny font and it's 2:52 am I'm going with what I already know about him YOU"RE ONE OF THOSE PEOPLE, Flo, who's super-awesome-cool about their characters. You go out of your way to make sure there's something exciting about your character at all times and I have seen first-hand your tendency to expand into other genres, even, in an attempt to make his character better, and more interesting, and just all-around super cool. I mean -- I like Gabe a lot. I like a lot of your writing a lot. But character-development wise... nothing strikes me at the moment as obvious.
Plot Development: YOU PLOT SO WELL WITH PEOPLE IT'S AWESOME. Except. Maybe not the people you've got short theads with. I've only read a couple of your short threads, but they all rather.. seem to... be going in the same direction? I'm not entirely sure, because of course this is a very tricky area to comment on because a lot of the time, a lack of plot is not YOUR fault. A lot of the time, it's your RP partner's. But -- it might be good to try to break out of the 'normal' setting every now and then, or try to introduce plot elements or respond to something other than just what's being said. Nothing's going to happen in your thread if you never throw anything out there. Aaaaaand that's about it. Because I want it to be. I have a headache. I'm never gonna stop complaining if I keep this up. ilu flo bb keep your chin up and keep writing you're incredible
-- Commented and critiqued by AA
Writing Critique for Sovereignxlegate
sovereignxlegate
Please remember that we will not forfeit honesty for coddling. We want you to improve, not stay where you are thinking you can do no better!
Punctuation:
A bit of the very common misuse of commas is scattered through your work, though not at all often. If you're interested in brushing up, please feel free to dig into our past critiques.
Grammar:
Passive voice! Passive voice everywhere! I'm definitely going to dig around here for a post about it to help our followers out. Passive voice is the use of "have had", "have been", "has been", "has had", '"have", "had", and so on in a way that emphasizes that the subject is being acted upon--not the one doing the action. This can sound fairly confusing, so I'll be sure to direct you to a helpful post once I find one. For now, do your best to stay away from these phrases.
Word Choice/Sentence Structure:
Okay, before I get into this one (which I may not at all--I'm just hopping between sections, so there may be nothing to comment on) I wanted to just point out that in your Rules, you put "detour" instead of "deter". Sorry, it just grabbed my attention!
Character Development:
Verses page yes good yes! Any of my pals here can tell you that I am a stickler for the Verses/Abouts. You can go ahead and partner this statement with the plot development if you like: your Verses page is clean and simple (my favoritie kind!). It clearly describes Rory's character in each placement and I absolutely love it! Your selection of verses also shows your understanding of Rory's overall character, which (going by some of your threads) you have a very firm grasp of.
Plot Development:
*Points to above statement about verses* As far as plot development is concerned, I can't find where I may be able to view separate threads on their own, instead of all of the responses that are related in size or verse. Without a quick overview, I can't properly judge how you develop your threads and plots.
Okay hon, it looks like we're all finished! I'll take this moment to tell you how well you're doing--because you are! Your writing is fantastic, and you have a very firm grasp on your character. I can see that you focus a lot on Rory's thoughts and give his actions subtle detail to emphasize them. I always love to see the depth in this method of writing. You're not overly-wordy, and your word choice if fairly exceptional. Overall, your character establishment is spot-on, and that's all the RP community can ask for.
As a personal tidbit: I love the organization in your blog. You have a beautiful Navigation, Verses page, About page, and Rules page. Each of these is extremely important to maintain for readers and interactions.
Keep up the good work! Remember that this critique can be taken down at any point per your request, and you can also ask any questions you may have about the tips that have been provided in this critique.
--commented and critiqued by R
I was wondering if you could help me with goals. Like when should they start affecting a story? And what should I do if a MC's goal changes in the middle of a novel? And how to create BIG goals? And what about goals for non-MC's (important or otherwise)? Thanks!
Characters almost never have just one motive. They could have minor motives and a major motive, or two major motives, or some other combination.
When these motives show up depends on your story and what happens to your character.
The First Motive:
Your main character or your POV character needs a motive right from the beginning. This motive can be small. It can be achieved without difficulty. What it must do is make your character do something while also revealing a little bit about your character.
For example, the main character could be at an auction where they are betting on a vase that matches one they already have. The main character bets thousands of dollars in a heated auction between someone else, but eventually wins and gets the vase. Their first motive has been achieved and it has revealed that this character is ambitious, wealthy, and has fine taste.
The next minor motive could be to get the vase home and place it next to the matching vase. This moves the character again, but there is still no inciting incident or major motive.
The Inciting Incident:
This is where the major motive often shows up, but it can show up earlier. Let’s say this character decides to have the vase cleaned. Let’s also say there is a lid to it. The character opens the lid, finds ashes inside, dumps them out, and cleans the vase. But it’s actually in urn, not a vase, and now the ghost of the remains is set free.
The ghost terrorizes our character and makes their life a mess. The ghost says they’ll go away if our character can complete a to-do list for them. Completing the list and getting the ghost away become the major motives for the character. This is what carries the character throughout the rest of the plot.
BUT, you must have a risk so that your character has ambition to reach this motive. We’ll give our character a time limit and if he doesn’t complete the list within that amount of time, our character will lose all his money and valuables while also having his body possessed. Our character, who loves his lavish lifestyle, fears this risk. This makes their motive stronger.
Let’s back up a bit and go back to the first motive. What if our character lost the auction and there were no ashes in the urn? what if he needed the complete set of vases so that he could sell them together for a much larger profit? Money is the motive, but so is getting the vase. This becomes the major motive and the character spends the rest of the story trying to get the vase back. You still need a risk though. We’ll create a buyer of the vases, who expects to have them in a certain condition in a certain amount of time. If not, they’ll drop out character as a provider.
Effects of Motives:
Motives have effects on other people and your character.
Our character is now so obsessed with finishing the list that he doesn’t show up at work for three days and fails to take care of himself. His obsession with keeping his lifestyle and his life ruin his physical and mental health.
His friends, who haven’t heard form him in weeks, get angry and believe something is deeply wrong. They try to remove him to get him help, but this threatens his motive and raises the risks. He now has the motive to get away from everyone because one motive leads to another.
Changing Motives:
If a character’s motive changes halfway through the story, it’s because of a turning point that provides new information. You need a reason for your character to go against the previous risks to pursue this new motive.
For this, we can make our character visit someone who deals with ghosts after he comes to a place on the to-do list that says “give away all your money” and after he realizes that he’s running out of time.
Surprise! If he destroys the vase, he destroys the ghost. But our character needs the vase so that he can sell both for a profit. He has already lost his job. He needs the money. He uses his wealth to create an exact replica of the same material because his new motive.
Other Characters:
Other characters are going to have motives. When creating these motives, think about how important these motives are to the main plot and to sub plots. Character motives that are important to the main plot should intertwine, cross, or work against the protagonist’s motive. As mentioned above, our character’s friends had the motive of getting him professional help for his health. This motive worked against our character and gave him a small motive to get away.
Motives that relate to sub plots should still have some relevance to the main character in some way. Maybe our character works with a partner at work who is excited to get a report done. The prize is a large bonus, so this character needs our character’s full cooperation. However, our character ignores this because of his other motives, thus angering his partner and causing them both to lose the bonus. This character has failed their motive and now has a motive to get revenge on our protagonist.
Now we’re going to introduce another character. This character is the other person who was betting on that vase. They’re a ghost hunter. They break into the house while our main character is getting the other vase made. They capture and leave because their motive was to get the ghost, not the vase. They don’t care for the vase now that the ghost is gone.
Reaching Motives:
Reaching small motives or motives that intertwine with the main motive result in mini climaxes. Failing or succeeding in these motives creates new motives and should push the plot along.
Our character now has two vases that are exact replicas of each other. He drives home with the fake in the car, runs in, grabs the vase, and leaves before the ghost can bother him. He drives far away where he destroys the vase in a mini climax even though the ghost is already gone. However, our character is too unstable to notice this. He replaces it with the replica.
But, wait, a mini climax? Yes. That was not the major climax. The major climax is a week later when our character has cleaned up and calmed down.
The client he is selling the vase to comes by to pick it up. They inspect it and go on their way, but an antique expert checks it out later and determines it is a fake. Our character is sued for his scheme or something and ends up losing all his money.
Our character’s former business partner, who is angered about the missed bonus, has a motive for revenge. If they had gotten that bonus, they would’ve been able to pay the bills and they wouldn’t have lost their house. So now they show up at our character’s home with a gun and shoots our protagonist.
Only our character grabbed the wrong vase (thus selling the replica and the haunted vase to the buyer) and the ghost hunter captured the ghost instead of destroying it for a motive I haven’t come up with yet. And now that our character’s time is out, the ghost comes back while our protagonist is dying and thus our protagonist lives on in a body he cannot control. The end.
Big Goals:
Creating large motives happens over time. Lots of small motives may become one large one or a small motive could build up on its own. Our character’s overall motive (make a profit) was simple, but it escalated and destroyed our character’s life.
Conclusion:
Motives can occur at any time. An inciting incident can trigger them, or your character’s personality can lead to these motives. Motives lead to other motives and they are reached because characters do not want to face the risks of failing. Motives inspire and affect other motives. Stories revolve around motives.
For more on character motivation and coming up with motivations, go through my motive tag.

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NEW CRITIQUE FORMAT
The form below will be the new template for all blog critiques from here-on-out! We hope you guys like the in-depth set-up!
Punctuation:
Grammar:
Word Choice/Sentence Structure:
Character Development:
Plot Development:
From now on the sections will also contain a link to helpful tips pertaining to them.
I wonder what we can do to get the ball rolling, A?
--R
By the looks of this, I'd say it's already hit us, R!
--AA
it’s fun to get this blog kicked back in G-E-A-R! It’s fun to get this blog kicked back in G-E-A-RRRRRRR~
God, you're such a goof!
--R