Seattle -cannabis- enthusiast

I'm not all that smart. It takes me a while to understand things. But if I do have time, I will come to understand you -- better than anyone else in the world ever can.

Life is weird. Life is unexpected. Life is contradictory.

I don’t get it. Do I want to get it?

The thought of a life of familiarity and routine bores me. Yet, I crave familiarity and comfort. What do I want?

Sometimes I feel like I know myself so well, but lately I feel like a stranger in my own body. I think I’ve been ignoring my own desires for so long, I’ve forgotten how to trust myself.

Why do I underestimate myself so much, when I’ve gotten this far? I know I have the ability to learn quickly and adapt to new situations rather well, so why do I feel I don’t really belong anywhere?

Why am I so worried about who I’ll be in 10 years? 10 year old me would’ve been proud of 20 year old me. Will I be proud of myself in 10 years?

I feel like I have impossible expectations of myself sometimes. Life is a learning curve and living a perfect life is impossible. Holding myself to an impossible standard doesn’t make me any happier.

Why is living in the moment so difficult?

I crave to understand everything that affects me and this world. But if I understood everything, what would be the point of living? I guess this is what makes life interesting, the randomness of it all.

Everyday can bring a new adventure, a puzzle, an excitement, a perspective, a friend.

But it can also bring a new struggle, a pain, a boredom, or a heartbreak.

Everyday is a gamble, and however appealing a utopian world may seem, what makes life truly beautiful is the fact that it is truly a mix of both the desirable and undesirable.

I know I’m blessed in countless ways, so why do I still feel sad?

I know I have family and friends who love me, so why do I feel lonely?

What am I longing for? What am I searching for?

Money, success, things, bring fleeting happiness. I know deep down these things are temporary and not important. So why do I want them?

Ultimately, what do I want?

I want to love and to be loved by those most dear to me. I want to see my friends and family growing and happy. I want to grow and learn. I want to make a positive impact on the world or on someone’s life.