Is mayonaise an Instrument?

she suck on my mysterious artifact and I'm like hey don't do that

you’ll ruin the patina.

ok well im going to build a good future for myself whether i like it or not

do it scared do it stupid do it alone etc etc but don’t do it hungry. eat a snack first

i dont think we're making it out of january this time guys i think we're here forever now

people saying its almost over are gonna be in for a real shock on january 32nd

[through clenched teeth] good things can happen in the future. good things are coming

[with bated breath] good things have come and gone. good things will return once more.

Bro can I have a hit of that cookie

when youre a stoner but only use edibles

When your a mountain lion but you only kill and eat people near the river

Cookie or Nookie?

Every now and then a new celeb pops up out of nowhere and I’m supposed to know who they are. Sorry bud but that’s just a guy.

This is how people feel about you

As they should. Literally everyone is just some guy.

Can I rub you the wrong way or

i shouldn’t be in social situations i should be in the dark