Who am I if I don't have what it takes?

Somebody hurting you is not for you to understand. The reasons why people do horrible things to other people, why they break people down, why they hurt them, is not for you to comprehend. You will drive yourself crazy trying to understand people who are not you. Just understand this: the pain was not acceptable, the hurt was unacceptable and who you get to be in your life as a result of that experience is all that matters. You can carry through that pain and hurt other people or you can decide that it was enough for you to learn something valuable even from that. It is not your job to understand people who hurt you.

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but:

Not only sexual violence itself is traumatizing. The way other people react to it (silencing, victim blaming, minimizing,...) is additionally traumatizing and can determine if a victim develops PTSD or not.

I can handle traumatic experiences just fine