i saw this post earlier about therapists and it reminded me of my old therapist paul, who in my opinion is one of the greatest men alive and who did not put up with my bullshit for even one second
anyway i go in to see paul one week in the summer of 2016, and iâm doing my usual bullshit which consists of me talking shit about myself, and paul is staring at me, and then he cuts me off and says that heâs got a new tool for helping people recognize when theyâre using negative language, and gets up and goes over to his desk
and iâm like alright hit me with that sweet sweet self-help article my man, because iâm a linguistic learner and whenever paulâs like here i have a tool for you to use itâs pretty much always an article or a book or something
paul opens a drawer, takes something out, and turns back around. i stare.
i say, are you gonna shoot me with a nerf gun in this professional setting.
he happily informs me that thatâs really up to me, isnât it. and sits back down. and gestures, like, go ahead, what were you saying?
and i squint suspiciously and start back up about how iâm having too much anxiety to leave the house to run errands, like it was a miracle to even get here, like iâve forgone getting groceries for the past week and thatâs so stupid, what a stupid issue, iâm an idiot, how could iâ
a foam dart hits me in the leg.
i go, hey! because my therapist just shot me in the leg. paul blinks at me placidly and raises an eyebrow. i squint again.
i say, slowly, itâsâ not a stupid issue, iâm not stupid, but itâs frustrating me and i donât want it to be a problem iâm having.
no dart this time. okay. sweet.
so the rest of the hour passes with me intermittently getting nailed with tiny foam darts and then swearing and then fixing my language and, wouldnât you know it, i start liking myself a little more by the end of the session, which is mildly infuriating because paul can tell and heâs very smug about itÂ
anyway i leave his office and the lady having the next appointment walks in and i hear whatâs all over the floor? and paul very seriously says cognitive behavioral therapy tools.