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Anonymous asked realsocialskills:

Related to the remembering food exists thing, do you have any advice for what to do when your depression is making preparing food seem so hard that you’d nearly prefer to just go hungry?

A couple of suggestions:

Order a pizza, or some other form of food that gets delivered to you

Hunger feeds on itself and makes everything harder

If you’re in a state of mind where preparing food seems too difficult to be bearable, ordering food can often break that cycle

So can getting takeout or going to McDonalds

This is not a frivolous expense

And it’s not necessarily more expensive than preparing your own food. McDonalds has a dollar menu.

When you’re starving from not eating, it is not the time to worry about health food. Making sure that you eat comes first. Eating anything (that you’re not allergic to) is healthier than regularly going hungry because you can’t bring yourself to eat.

Keep stuff around that’s easy to eat and doesn’t require any preparation or only need to be microwaved, for instance:

A box of cereal

Chocolate

Granola bars

Ice cream

Popsickles

Protein shakes

Rice cakes

Peanut butter

TV dinners

Frozen chicken nuggets

It can also help to keep around disposable plates and utensils so the thought of having to wash dishes doesn’t deter you from eating

Get someone else to tell you that you need to eat:

Sometimes it’s easier to remember that eating is important if someone else tells you

For instance, if you text a friend saying “remind me that I need to eat” and they do, that can sometimes make it more possible

Get someone else to talk you through the steps of making food:

If there’s someone you can ask how to find/make food, that can be helpful

Sometimes what’s really exhausting is not so much doing the steps, as it is anticipating them, or figuring out what they are

If you’re like me and you’re frequently broke AND have a shitty stomach that gets even shittier when you have bad depression/anxiety and hunger, I’d recommend having a lot of fruit or fruit juice on hand. Canned fruit is good because it doesn’t spoil but if you’re able to have fresh fruit it’s a really good idea. Also I avoid ramen if possible because it dehydrates me really badly which also affects depression. 

Having frozen food is really good but it still sometimes is too much to handle when depression is that bad, so I go for canned soups that you can just throw in the microwave. 

Thank you.

Do you have a strategy for keeping fresh fruit or fruit juice around when you’re dealing with depression/anxiety?

I’ve found that fruit juice and fruit can sometimes be useful things in getting me able to eat, but I haven’t found it possible to keep them around and not end up with a lot of spoiled yuck.

For fresh fruit, you could try the containers of fruit they prepare at the grocery store, which I like because you can get a small amount with some variety in the kinds of fruit, and it’s already washed and cut and all you have to do is eat it. They can be expensive though. Also, it may just be me, but I find bananas and mandarin oranges much easier than other fruit, because they come in convenient individually pre-wrapped packages and you don’t even have to wash them. Especially bananas, because I can keep them on the counter where I’m more likely to see them, and if they do get over-ripe I can put them in the freezer to use in baking someday and not feel bad about wasting them.

I cannot keep fresh grapes or berries but they freeze really well and you can eat them straight from the freezer. Frozen grapes are seriously delicious. Berries you could put on yogurt, ice cream, or oatmeal, too.

Vegetables are harder, but baby carrots are easy and last pretty long. Other things that are easy to eat: Oreos or other box cookies, pudding cups or applesauce cups, snack packs of tuna and crackers, or the kind of flavoured tuna that you can peel open and eat from the can, processed cheese slices, and raisins.

Another thing that can be helpful is to keep boxes of granola bars or cereal in different places in your house. There used to be days when I wouldn’t leave my room so I wouldn’t eat anything all day, until I learned to keep food in my room. Also sometimes it’s deciding on something that’s difficult, and if you have something that’s closer to you than everything else or separate from it, it’s easier to just grab that.

If you order food, I think most pizza places let you order online, which is full of magic and wonder to me cuz you don’t have to talk to anyone. There’s also things like just-eat.ca - I haven’t tried it, and it’s just in Canada, but there is probably something like it for a lot of major cities. Basically you can order food from a bunch of different restaurants, from one website.

So I’d been watching these posts on executive dysfunction go by, and yeah, some of it sounded familiar, like I know I’ve got that issue SOMETIMES, but like… People keep describing it as thinking insistently about the thing they want to do and still not being able to do it. And I don’t do that. I think idly about something like putting away that basket of laundry, and my entire being goes ‘Meh’ and I shrug and move on to something else. Like. It drives me NUTS that there’s been a basket full of clothes sitting in one corner for months, but… at the same time I can’t really care about it?

So I figured, okay, I’m SELECTIVELY lazy. Sometimes it’s legitimately executive dysfunction, but sometimes I just don’t care enough to do something.

And then this morning, I woke up and realized: I had executive function. I mean literally the minute I woke up I realized I was capable of DOING THINGS today, it was AMAZING. And even with chronic fatigue meaning I had to rest for hours after like twenty minutes of exertion, I got SO MUCH DONE that I have been YEARNING to be able to want/to do. If I list it it won’t sound like much, but trust me, I did a LOT, for me.

And it felt SO GOOD. Because, spoiler! I’m not actually lazy. My form of executive dysfunction just looks a little different than some people’s. When I can’t do a thing, not only can I not mentally surround the steps it would take to do that thing, I can’t even manage to care about doing the thing. Maybe that’s some kind of emotional defense I’ve built up to keep it from being so maddening, I don’t know. But it doesn’t mean I’m lazy. It just means my brain has realized I can’t do the thing, and I can’t afford to care, or think about doing the thing, because pounding my head against that brick wall won’t help anything.

And paradoxically because I’ve always been this way I feel like that undermines any legitimacy my claim of executive dysfunction may have, as though the fact that I’ve never had a “normal” to decline from means I have simply NEVER tried hard enough.

Dealing with executive dysfunction and ADHD becomes so much easier when you stop trying to do things the way you feel like you should be able to do them (like everyone else) and start finding ways that actually work for you, no matter how “silly” or “unnecessary” they seem.

For years my floor was constantly covered in laundry. Clean laundry got mixed in with dirty and I had to wash things twice, just making more work for myself. Now I just have 3 laundry bins: dirty (wash it later), clean (put it away later), and mystery (figure it out later). Sure, theoretically I could sort my clothes into dirty or clean as soon as I take them off and put them away straight out of the dryer, but realistically that’s never going to be a sustainable strategy for me.

How many garbage bins do you need in a bedroom? One? WRONG! The correct answer is one within arms reach at all times. Which for me is three. Because am I really going to get up to blow my nose when I’m hyperfocusing? NO. In allergy season I even have an empty kleenex box for “used tissues I can use again.” Kinda gross? Yeah. But less gross than a snowy winter landscape of dusty germs on my desk.

I used to be late all the time because I couldn’t find my house key. But it costs $2.50 and 3 minutes to copy a key, so now there’s one in my backpack, my purse, my gym bag, my wallet, my desk, and hanging on my door. Problem solved.

I’m like a ninja for getting pout the door past reminder notes without noticing. If I really don’t want to forget something, I make a physical barrier in front of my door. A sticky note is a lot easier to walk past than a two foot high cardboard box with my wallet on top of it.

showers are hard for me because they involve a lot of steps to get in and out. buying cleaning hand wipes helps me stay a lot cleaner and happier when i’m too tired or distracted to make myself be a normal person– they’re faster and involve way less prep time, decision making, and unpleasant physical sensations. 

i have disordered eating because, again, getting food is complicated, much less cooking anything. buying 10-12$ of cliff bars at a go and keeping them in my room by my bed gives me a headstart on breakfast and lets me take my meds on time. otherwise i would lie in bed, not taking my meds because i had to eat, and not eating because i was too tired and nauseous from being hungry to get out of bed.  

‘just try harder’ is not a solution. figuring out the actual problem and addressing it is the solution.

My keys hang on the door so I literally can’t leave my apartment without touching them. My socks kept getting everywhere when I kept them with my other clothes, so instead I now keep them in a little hutch in the kitchen, where I keep all my shoes. All my silverware is in jars on my kitchen island so I can see clearly when I am out of forks. When I didn’t want to put on my socks to go running, I bought running shoes that didn’t require socks. There are people who would find all of the above unworkable and/or appalling but they don’t have to live my life and I do. 

Celebrating a rich Autistic culture and history that deserves to be told

Submissions for Autistic History Month are open until Nov. 29!

[Image description: The entire image has a sepia overlay. On a papery background, there is an opened book, text “Autistic History Month 2017,” and a painting depicting neurodiversity. On the bottom, there are three circles with text “history, community, culture” in them. End image description.]

Aspects of Autistic history can include the history of autistic culture, community, activism, and self-advocacy. They can be family or personal autism histories. We also are looking for oral histories and interviews with long-time activists.

B U R N O U T  1 0 1 // what it is and how the fuck to fix it 

So, you’ve been really stressed/anxious/exhausted and all of a sudden you’re feeling unmotivated/apathetic/frustrated? Congratulations, it’s looks like you’ve burned yourself out!

What is burnout?

Normally, burnout occurs after an extended period of excess. The breaking point is different for everyone; some may cave after a week of finals, for others it may take months or even years. Symptoms of burnout include, but are not limited to:

- Apathy/disinterest

- Short attention span, difficulty concentrating, switching between tasks frequently 

- Frustration with others, your work, or yourself

- Depression, low mood, anxiety 

Shit, that’s me! How do I solve it?

- Start small, and ease yourself back into the swing of things 

Make note of the stuff you absolutely unavoidably have to to do with immediate urgency. Order in terms of immediacy as well as workload. So give credit for tasks both urgent and time consuming. If it doesn’t need to be done (either partially or completely) right this very minute, don’t worry about it. 

Break big tasks down into little tasks and tackle them one at a time. Reward yourself upon completion, but keep it reasonable. One episode of Parks and Rec is okay; a whole series is not. 

- Reestablish a routine

As insanely fantastic as it is, laying in bed all day is not going to get you anywhere. Set a routine, and stick to it; wake up at a consistent time and actually get out of bed, accomplish a few things each day (but they don’t have to be academic - laundry, taking a walk or vacuuming your bedroom) and stay out of bed except for when you’re sleeping. 

Naps are ok too though, but keep them short and don’t start after 3pm because you won’t be able to get to sleep at a human hour that night. 

- Take care of yourself

Give priority to maintaining healthy and normal sleep, eating, and self-care habits. You’re going to be useless if you’re exhausted, hungry, and grimy. 

Try to identify why you’re burnt out. Yes, you had two weeks of back-to-back exams. But is there anything you could have done differently? Could you have started studying earlier, made revision materials as you went, reduced or delegated other commitments? While this isn’t necessarily cure for burnout, it’s crucial to preventing another episode further on down the line. And after all, they say prevention is the best medicine. 

- Ask for help!!

Counsellors (academic and therapeutic) are there for your use. Take advantage of them, especially if they’re provided free of charge by your institution! They’ve got a lot of experience, and could impart some seriously useful wisdom about managing workloads, maintaining your sanity and resources if you really are struggling.

Supportive family; not everyone is lucky enough to have one, but if you do, make sure they know you’re under duress and see if they can help in anyway - letting you get off chores or offering to help with your place if you’ve moved out, providing sustenance, or just offering an ear for you to moan and rant and talk it out. 

Dealing with executive dysfunction and ADHD becomes so much easier when you stop trying to do things the way you feel like you should be able to do them (like everyone else) and start finding ways that actually work for you, no matter how “silly” or “unnecessary” they seem.

For years my floor was constantly covered in laundry. Clean laundry got mixed in with dirty and I had to wash things twice, just making more work for myself. Now I just have 3 laundry bins: dirty (wash it later), clean (put it away later), and mystery (figure it out later). Sure, theoretically I could sort my clothes into dirty or clean as soon as I take them off and put them away straight out of the dryer, but realistically that’s never going to be a sustainable strategy for me.

How many garbage bins do you need in a bedroom? One? WRONG! The correct answer is one within arms reach at all times. Which for me is three. Because am I really going to get up to blow my nose when I’m hyperfocusing? NO. In allergy season I even have an empty kleenex box for “used tissues I can use again.” Kinda gross? Yeah. But less gross than a snowy winter landscape of dusty germs on my desk.

I used to be late all the time because I couldn’t find my house key. But it costs $2.50 and 3 minutes to copy a key, so now there’s one in my backpack, my purse, my gym bag, my wallet, my desk, and hanging on my door. Problem solved.

I’m like a ninja for getting pout the door past reminder notes without noticing. If I really don’t want to forget something, I make a physical barrier in front of my door. A sticky note is a lot easier to walk past than a two foot high cardboard box with my wallet on top of it.

We located some articles that you may find useful. 

Self-CareDuring Depression or Burnout by Erin Human

Someone organized Twitter chats on autistic burnout. You might try checking out their #AutBurnout hashtag; their Twitter handle is here.

This article at the autistics.org library archive tacklesthe issue of autistic burnout - Help!I Seem to be Getting More Autistic!

The Unpuzzled Project hasan explanation and some tips in an answered ask.

Many of us are traumatized and a lot of us are scared. Many of us are in pain and many of us have doubts. Many of us have negative self-image and many of us are not sure how to move in this world. None of that has to preclude pride. To my autistic brethren who are there and talking about pride: remember that the torch we carry has the power to light the way, or set fire to what we’ve built already. And to my autistic brethren who don’t yet know how to be proud: I will wait for you, always.