weisslerren

"I asked Chat GPT—" yeah well I asked Eva Stratt and she slapped me in the face and told me to cry later and get my shit together

fuck i just remembered i’m fundamentally unlovable

It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”

In the real world people tell me I have a funny turn of phrase; on Tumblr I'm just Ken

god today i ID’d an old dude buyin booze and he pulled out a fake ID with an elvis pic, then laughed and pulled out a matching one but with curly from three stooges on it, and im like okay please and he finally pulled out his real license and his legal name was steve sinner

that was the devil

Sorry to anyone who doesn’t think shit like this is funny but this WILL be me if I manage to live another 20 years.

BUG SEX HEADQUARTERS

awwwww

never kill yourself. you have to fill your mutuals dash with shit they don't care about forever, okay?

let's put Scooby and the gang in a genuine horror movie situation, i wanna see what these freaks are truly capable of

"didn't they already do this with—" no. put them in a slasher film. put them in a BLOODBATH. put this van full of weirdoes in a Texas Chainsaw Massacre scenario i have FAITH in them