Tino

how am I gonna go to college bro. I'm gonna have to take a gap year or some shit because I feel so behind. I don't have a job, I don't have my own money, I have social anxiety which for most of my life has been so severe that I don't know how to talk to other people now without being extremely uncomfortable, and on top of that I ruined my chances to have a normal high school education because I switched to a fuckass art school with very shitty academics. even when I go back to my old school I'll still have missed an entire year of normal quality academics. this is pissing me off. I haven't even looked at colleges yet beyond like one in Canada. and I'm about to be a senior. I'm so cooked

it's almost 3am and I can't sleep nor do I feel like sleeping

when I went to the doctor they asked me if I wanted acne treatment and I was like "nah I'm good" and then I realized after I probably should have said yes because I completely forgot about my very annoying and moderately painful face, back, and shoulder acne. but at the time I thought the doctor was being lowkey rude for pointing out my acne lmaooo

i just shaved my legs for the first time in a little over 3 years I think and I feel smooth as a seal this is kinda cool

doing the very American sounding thing of eating an artichoke with ranch. life is beautiful

I'm still in that stage of "I need to be as masculine as possible so I pass and don't get pestered" but honestly since starting T I've been a lot less dysphoric about dressing fem. in fact I actively feel trapped dressing masc on days that I don't want to. unless I put on makeup or something. since I was little I loved "feminine" things and that's part of why I was so devastated when I realized I was trans. and even though I'm still questioning whether I'm actually a trans man or nonbinary the sentiment stays the same. though I think I do pass a lot better when dressing fem now. but I also don't want to get harassed for appearing as a guy who dresses femininely. I can't be assed. I'm kinda stuck in this loop: don't like current presentation -> dress fem -> get questioned by family, friends, or strangers -> dress masc in the most cis way possible -> unhappy. all that and I just want to be myself bro

time to draw some images for my neocities

okay I just emailed my school telling them I'm going back to my old school. hopefully I don't get slimed out.

apparently my stupid freaking antipsychotics can cause heart problems of some sort and I need to go in to the doctor and make sure my heart is fine. not fair bro why can't I just not be psychotic. this is like the med with the least side effects too

what does it mean if I'm a trans man but my attraction to women feels queer. like not quite the same way as my attraction to men but still queer

I'm not excited to get my license because 1. they no longer let you put your preferred gender marker on driver's licenses in the US, so when I inevitably someday get pulled over the cops will see a whole ass man looking dude with "female" on their driver's license and question if not harass me about it. and 2. I can't change my legal name until I turn 18 so that shit is gonna be on there too. I'm cooked in all aspects it's not even funny.

I wish I could present more androgynous but people usually just read me as a man, how do I fix this

thank you tumblr artists for your beautifully depressing Noelle Holiday fanart. I love you and I hope to achieve that level of skill someday