I don’t even know where to begin, but I guess I’ll start with yesterday.
Yesterday, I had Leo’s feedback session after being evaluated last month for autism, ADHD, and dyslexia (unofficial evaluation- will explain more.). Leo is our youngest son and third to have a diagnosis. Leo has been diagnosed with ADHD and is on the cusp of dyslexia. It is recommended that he has outpatient therapy for his ADHD and an intensive therapy with a reading interventionist.
Leo has always been this fun, quick whit, energetic kid, but deep down I knew there was something more. I love this kid so much and yet every day it feels like I am in a battle with him. The constant playing referee between him and his brothers, constantly having to keep him busy, constantly feeling like a broken record because he does not listen at all. I AM EXHAUSTED.
Yet, these traits aren’t the only reason why I decided it was best to get him evaluated, it was actually his oldest brother, Adonis, that was the catalyst of having his younger brothers evaluated.
Adonis is our oldest, and the reason why I started this blog (Raising Baby Boy) 15 years ago when I was pregnant with him. Wow, typing that really made me gasp aloud. Yikes.
Anyhow, Adonis was diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder in June of 2023. After years of fighting and advocating for him, I finally was able to get answers, but getting my answer wasn’t the relief I had I hoped for. Adonis struggles with his diagnosis, and we have been struggling with navigating his diagnosis as well as navigating teenage hormones. Adonis struggled a lot with getting along with his brothers— more so with Leo and that’s been the case since Leo was a toddler. Adonis is sensitive to noise, doesn’t like music with lyrics, sometimes has a hard time with non verbal cues and socializing. He loves to build with Legos, play Geometry Dash, and adores cats. Adonis is a smart kid who sees the world black and white so sometimes navigating the gray area of life pose as a challenge for him. He’s still figuring it all out, as he should as an almost 14 year old boy though. I love him and although this journey is difficult right now, I have faith he will grow to accept this special part of him, and come to some understanding of his challenges so he may grow to advocate for himself.
After going through the evaluation with Adonis though, some of the questions in the evaluation made me think of Luca and after talking with a few close friends about Luca’s history of developmental delays and other signs I requested he be evaluated. In February of this year, Luca was evaluated and diagnosed with Level 1 Autism Spectrum disorder. I actually kind of took Luca’s diagnosis a bit hard because during the evaluation process I was second guessing myself, and I guess subconsciously prepared myself to hear that he wasn’t on the spectrum, so when I was presented with the results it felt like a punch in the gut. Not because of the diagnosis, because I questioned my gut feeling. I felt guilty for missing some of the signs and what I could’ve done better to be more attentive to his needs.
Luca is going to be 12 this year. I really don’t have anyone around me who’s had their children diagnosed with Autism in the preteen/teen stage, and in the grand scheme of things it’s not that big of deal but this feels hard navigating three new diagnosis at once. I have been playing referee with three very different personalities for such a long time without context that I feel like I need to start from scratch. I have lost my patience over the years and as much as my husband tries, I feel like I’m navigating this alone for the most part.
I love my boys so much- their quirks and all. I wouldn’t change them in the slightest; they are each special in their own right. I just don’t want to fail them as their mother. I want to parent more with patience and understanding. Meet them where they’re at.
So here we go, my journey as a Mama who struggles with ADHD herself parenting three awesome kids with their unique set of challenges.
