god's forgotten sim

when ur like “im gettin a gay vibe” and your straight friend is like “uhhh idk that seems….forced….” and u gotta pull out your fuckin phd from gay college and your private gay detective license and your federal bureau of investigaytion badge like sit fuckin down buddy i got credentials and also an opinion the truth is out there my guy

yesterday i had a nice southern teenager call me "ma'am" and then look at me and go, in a well-meaning tone, "uhhhh, if you go by ma'am. sorry if not." and i was had to be like yeah man ma'am is fine. appreciate you being inclusive though. i could almost see the little warning pop up in his UI-- hold up! people with blue hair often have pronouns. are you sure you want to address this individual with a gendered term?

it’s so crazy having a follower base on tumblr knowing full well it’s not based on selfies or anything like people are here for your crazy twisted mind. i feel like nietzsche

To be clear. Shane's whole thing about Ilya being a Sex God is because of the limerence. Ilya is nineteen and he can get a rhythm going and that's about it. He was throwing shit at the wall when he hit that 'Get on your knees' in Nashville but only he knows that because Shane's brain turned OFF. Ilya said "Let's do a little experiment here" and the results were "Oh my god oh my god oh my god." Shane came hands free because he was that obsessed with the idea of Ilya Rozanov being inside him. Ilya said "Do you like that do you like that" because he's nineteen and he needs the validation and Shane was like "YES YES YES I LIKE IT OH MY GOD YOU'RE SO DEEP YOU'RE SO GOOD" and objectively. It was okay. Ilya fully did not know where to put his hands a couple of times. He forgot about Shane's dick. Luckily, Shane is God's special angel who can come from the idea of Ilya's cockhead being in proximity to his prostate a few times. Mind over matter, says Shane Hollander's dick. And then Ilya said "Oh God Hollander" because it was also, objectively, one of the hottest things that had ever happened to HIM, Ilya Rozanov. Shane sits on that step afterwards plotting about how he's gonna get this over and over and over again for the rest of his life and he has no idea that there are women in Boston who have Ilya listed in their contacts as "Hockey Guy 6/10". Shane Hollander cannot fathom a world in which Ilya Rozanov doesn't lay the maddest pipe this side of Lake Michigan. "Ilya Rozanov is a some kind of nineteen year old sex God" No Shane honey he was just designed in a lab to score goals and make you cum and he's done scoring goals for the night.

"I'm a boy" "I'm a girl" Ok? I'm Stan and I was wrong, I'm singing the Stan wrong song. I shouldn't have taken that chance, now here's my remorseful dance?

if you vote me for president i vow to make everything the ocean again. no more land only ocean. this will solve all of our problems and replace them with new, far more interesting problems

they kiss all the time…they push their beds together to be closer to each other….i’m starting to think they might be a couple

imagine seinfeld but if jerry had.... an inquisitive mind..

I just meant if jerry wanted more information but I can see how you might have understood this as me proposing a bicurious seinfeld

Not that there's anything wrong with that

not that there's anything wrong with that

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

there's this sort of default assumption online that you're meant to have watched the latest defunctland, hbomberguy or dan olson video in a manner i'd compare to "catch the game last night?"

As a transsexual woman 👩 who has had multiple experiences ‼️ I have found 🔎 that the biggest block of cheese 🧀 is usually the one ☝️ that has the largest size 📈

mature content