Pᴀʀᴛ ᴏғ ᴀ Mᴀᴄʜɪɴᴇ

And then Satan said “put the alphabet in math”.

Sometimes I think I’m sassy and then I realise I’m just too sarcastic and borderline mean.

Do my dark undereye circles and unwashed hair turn you on? 

I love sunglasses! Am I looking at that tree? Am I looking at your dick? Who knows!

This is the police, open up, tell me about yourself, don’t be afraid.

Raise your hand if you’re a lil’ bit of an asshole. 

Why don’t people do random nice things for me? You know, send me a message, draw me, paint me, send me three hundred thousand dollars.

I am three years behind on math homework. 

I don’t like your clothes; take them off. 

What if you start making car alarm noises when people you don’t like touch you?

Hey, is your girlfriend seeing anyone?

I get butterflies when I think about myself. 

When you see a good body and you just can’t think of a good pun. IT’s dev-ass-tating.

Umm… hi. My friend wanted to know if you think I’m hot. 

To quote Hamlet, act three, scene three, line ninety two, “no.”

I never run voluntarily so if you see me running, you should probably run too because something must be coming. 

I’ve got a masters degree in being ignored. 

I will do a lot of things, but admitting to my mum that I’m cold after she told me to bring a jacket isn’t one of them. 

Dads are either too nice or assholes; there’s no in between.

On a scale of fake pockets to nachos, how good is your idea? 

I’m alive, but only ironically. 

I’ve been in a bad mood since two thousand and seven. 

No, you’re not as funny as me. Stop trying. 

Just suck my dick, bro. I said no homo like, five times. 

I love it when people try to hurt my feelings because I don’t have any. 

-sighs- Why am I better than everyone? 

I don’t trust people who can look good with messy hair. 

If my jokes offend you - one; I’m sorry. Two; it won’t happen again. Three; one and two are lies. Four; you’re a pussy. 

If I go to hell, I’m just going to torture everyone by continually asking if it’s hot in here of if it’s just me. 

My love is like a candle; if you forget me, I will burn your fucking house down. 

Let’s play a game called “Guess My Sexuality”. 

I’m angry and quite offended that you don’t have a crush on me. 

AHS Hotel: Checking In Starters | @caged-flxght

Dimitri shakes his head slowly, looking down at his shoes “n-no…but thank you” he murmurs. Whoever had the controls to his shock collar at the moment must’ve gotten bored by watching the two in Dimitri’s small white room, and thus gave him a shock, enough to make him give a small cry of pain, reaching up and placing his hands tightly around the collar “but…m-maybe you could stay and keep me company…?” He asks quietly, trying to figure out what exactly it was that whoever had the controls wanted

numbers: ( 1 - 226 ) link to generator: here content: miscellaneous movie quotes, does contain some adult content.