06/12/19 — Day 1

So I’ve been doing a lot of research (probably too much) and been watching countless documentaries about the health benefits of canabis and CBD oil. It’s no surprise to anyone that I’m not in the best of health. I’m on countless medications for all sorts of conditions. I take medication to sleep, I take medication for pain, I take medication to function, it’s absurd. The amount and kinds of things I’m putting into my body .... quite frankly scare me. Also with recent health issues is the anxiety that comes along with it. The fears of never “feeling normal again”, accepting you can no longer do things. It’s hard, really really hard.

I’ve been weaning off medication over the past week to prepare for this. I’m really hoping that I get some relief in one sense or another. Whether that be sleep, pain, anxiety, I will take anything.

I will definitely keep a journal / update on how this process goes. I’m also in a contest to possibly win up to $150 worth of CBD products, so keep your fingers crossed for me. 🤞🏼

Summer 2019

Starting this summer by the pool side. (Hurt my neck afterwards, but the day was worth it)

On a side note: I’m always so self-conscious to post pictures of myself in a swimming suit ... or in anything anymore. It’s hard to have a changing body, and nervous what people will think of you ... or have negative assumptions about “letting yourself go” or “eating too much” and that’s sad to me. Medications from health issues have not helped, and steroids DEFINITELY don’t help. — I get so disappointed in myself when I can’t fit into a size 00 pant that I have in the way back of my closet, or that my little gut shows in tight fitting clothes.

It’s sad that we have to second guess whether or not to post a picture because of what people could think. It’s even got to the point of going out, and seeing old friends and wondering what they’d think of you. It’s a tough pill to swallow always being known, and commented on your size. You almost make that your identity, like hair, makeup, etc. I feel like people need to be more human. I don’t care if you’re skinny, fat, black, white, purple, if you love and man, if you love a woman, or if you just love balloons like from My Strange Addiction. Can’t we just not care what we look like, and like people for being decent human beings?

Review — Lash Next Door by Brooklyn & Bailey

I can be the first to say I’m usually not one to buy every YouTubers merch, but I being in need of a new mascara, and with a competitive price, I thought why not.

I am no make-up “fanantic”. Honestly some days I’m still not sure what I’m doing. I tend to navigate towards the $6 Wal*Mart or $10 Target mascaras and call it a day. However lately I’ve noticed my eyes being more irritated after applying my normal mascara.

I talked to some girls at work that love Better Than Sex mascara but for $24 ... I just wasn’t sure.

So today I turned the big 2-8. Only 2 more years until I’m thirty years old. I can’t believe that. Sometimes in my head I still feel like a teenager just trying to live an adult life ... doing miserably at that at the moment ... but onwards lol. — Not only is it my birthday, but my baby’s* birthday *= cat.

Today my husband made me my favorite breakfast (dippy eggs, toast + bacon). I took a long bubble bath with the new bathbomb my sister got me. I washed my hair (which is fun now with my new shampoo and products) and tried a new leave in conditioner (it’s wonderful) We then went to the mall to get some items for my upcoming Disney trip tomorrow YAY! We had Chick-fil-A for lunch [free 8 piece nugget and free cookie for my birthday] followed by an Aunt Annies cinnamon and sugar pretzel [free] and to wash it all down, a venti double chocolate chip frappachio from Starbucks [free]

I am ALL about free / discounted items and your birthday is the best time to take advantage of that. A lot of companies will give you an item, an entree, something for free for your birthday! It’s nice little treats. The companies that I have listed and ones that I received items for my birthday:

Beef O Brady’s: Free appetizer (with a purchase of an entree)

Starbucks: Free drink

Moe’s Southwest Grill: Free burrito

Aunt Annies Pretzels: Free pretzel

Chick-fil-A: Free cookie

Winn-Dixie: Free tub of ice cream.

Panera Bread: Free drink

Alexander —

So today I had a consultation with a pain management doctor regarding my car accident I was in last December. To this day I still struggle with debilitating headaches, constant neck dullness/aches/tightness, excruciating nerve pain, and loss of sensation in my arms that goes to the tips of my fingers. Neck injuries are no joke.

I didn’t necessarily know what to expect when I scheduled an appointment for pain. I felt like they would all be about drugs and medications, but it was quite opposite. The doctor I met was very nice, thorough, took his time explaining absolutely everything (which I needed) I felt like my best interest was at heart, and truly wanting me to get better.

There is still a long way to recovery for me, which I’m happy and sad about. Happy that there is an opportunity that I maybe pain free, but sad this will be life long, and that it had to happen to me / I’m dealt these cards in life. However, being the person that believes everything happens for a reason, I don’t think I would be handed more than I can carry.

That’s right. I said it. I quit.

After many anxious weeks, sleepless nights, nightmares of feeling trapped, the overwhelming thought of ‘tomorrow’ - I quit my job.

I wasn’t in this job for long. In reality, I was still in my 90 day probation period. However it felt like a tainted relationship. The idea of a new relationship is exhilarating, but then you really get in it, and realize it’s everything you don’t want. You wish you cut ties sooner, but you wanted to give it an honest go.

I hope one day I can look back on this post and laugh, and wonder why I was so worried / stressed. — I just need to keep remembering and saying to myself ... how do you know if the grass is really greener without getting up, distrupting yourself, walking over there and looking / trying?

05/05/19 — House Update

So today I decided to spend a few hours “updating / decorating” my spare bathroom. A few trips to The Dollar Store / Dollar General and Target made it feel so much nicer and inviting.

Here is a list of a few things I purchased:

• (2) glass jars with lids - just smacked a label on them. $1/piece

• (1) glass jar w/o a lid - to be used for toothbrushes. $1

• (1) larger jar with a lid - to hold Epsom salts for bathing. $1

• “HELP YOURSELF” - stickers from The Dollar Tree. $1

• Small wire basket - to hold travel sized toiletrees. $4

• Flowers / greenery - just to add some color and earthy feel. – $1/piece

This bathroom was a DISASTER when my husband and I first originally moved in. It had a wooden toilet seat (that looked like it was from the 60’s) dark green/ back tile, the walls were an unattractive green, and the counter + cabinets were an eggshell white/yellow.

you are crippling. You make my heart pound. You make mind race. You are so mentally exhausting, that it’s physically exhausting. You make me feel less of myself. You make me less confident in everything I do. You are my own worst critic. You are ruining my days, my weeks, my months. You fucking suck.

REVIEW — Start date: 04/06/19

So I’ve decided to do a review on the ArtNatural Argan Oil Shampoo and Hair Mask Conditioner. I’ve been searching for a deep conditioner treatment ever since they stopped selling my favorite (Pantene Pro V Moisture Masque)

I read a lot of reviews and saw before and after pictures and was quite impressed. At 4 1/2 stars with over 5K reviews, and with them being around $12US a piece, I thought why not.

My hair isn’t too damaged. I’ve dyed underneath a few times in the past, and did use a hair straightener often. My hair just seems very dry and dull, and I just want to bring some life back to it.

So far what I can say:

The smell is very nice. It smells like I just walked out of the salon.

The shampoo didn’t make much of a lather, but with all the oils, I didn’t really expect it to.

The conditioner felt heavenly. I did my ENTIRE head, and made sure to really get all of my scalp. They said for really damaged hair to leave in for about 20 minutes. Started some YouTube videos and time flew by.

Rinsing the conditioner was nice, hair felt really soft, but didn’t necessarily stay that way.

Neither products had a ‘greasy’ feeling to them at all.

Right now my hair is air drying. I did do a full brush through, and no knots. It’s not a fizzy as it usually is when it’s air drying.

I’m going to try and see different hair do’s, braids, straightening it, and see what kind of results I get.

04/04/19 — Do y’all remember ... you know a few posts back when I talked about home ownership? Well let me tell you the story of how I caught my oven on fire, and $500 later how we have this beauty.

My husband was having a really bad day at work. Typical this time of year apparently. I thought I would be a good wife, and make him a treat to have when he comes home. So I start making brownies. I have the oven pre-heated, im mixing all my ingredients, and look down and notice that the oven light is a lot brighter than it usually is ... HOLY SHIT THE OVEN IS ON FIRE.

Your mind immediately goes to fire ... water. Then you realize, how about we don’t add water to an electrical fire. Wishing I really had a fire extinguisher, I turn the oven off and keep the door closed.

Call the husband, he doesn’t answer. Call the husband again (we have that rule, if I call more than once you answer) he doesn’t answer.

Finally I tell him the whole story. Off to Lowe’s we go. Now mind you, it’s just me and him. We load the oven into my SUV, we unload it ourselves, move the old oven out, and replace, all in a matter of hours.