Words and Waves

Techu-Anpu, 1983, Jean-Michel Basquiat

Foster families are different from adoptive families. Foster families are paid a stipend per child that they’re fostering from the time the child arrives in their home to the time they leave, and not all of them care about the kids, but then the kids don’t really care about them back. You kind of have to not care because otherwise you’ll get attached to each other and it’ll only hurt even worse when the inevitable system-ordered separation happens.

Adoptive families, on the other hand, are permanent families for the children who would’ve been stuck in the system until they were 18 or (Gods forbid) anything happened to them. They’re families that WANT those children and WANT to help them. Who cares if they’re black or white or Korean or Chinese or European or from Jupiter?

You’re sitting there behind a screen complaining about kids having adoptive families that actually do love and care about them, all because they don’t have the same skin color. This whole entire hellsite has become infected with racist, segregationalist ideas and opinions like this one, but you and everyone else just jumps on the bandwagon and act like it’s okay to do and say and think these things, act like it’s okay to hate and spit vitriol. I’ve never seen anything so pathetic in my life.

Maybe adoptive families have kids because they want to be a savior, whether that is a conscious choice or not.

Maybe adoptive families think they can handle children, and then learn very quickly they cannot.

Maybe adoptive parents adopt because they want to live up to some stupid expectation to be parents.

Also, white people are fucking racist. I can’t speak for other countries, but in the United States, racism is so engrained in the culture that people grow up learning racism and participating in racism, sometimes without even fucking knowing. When a person of color gets adopted by white people, racism is passed onto them directly from their parents. 

“Maybe adoptive families think they can handle children but quickly learn they can’t.” Again, people don’t just dive in blindly; many families may have already had children, or cannot have children but want them. You think there aren’t biological families that have realized they can’t handle kids? How do you think we came up with the solution of adopting children to other families?

“Maybe adoptive families have kids because they want to be a savior.” If they wanted to be saviors, I don’t think they’d be adopting kids from the US or European or Asian foster systems, they’d be going to places like Zimbabwe, or Ethiopia, where the children are starving and dying of diseases and dehydration.

“Maybe adoptive parents adopt because they want to live up to some stupid expectation of being parents.” That one right there, my friend, is a complete lie. You know what the expectations are with parenting?

1) You raise your kids to be respectful, or you’re a bad parent.

2) Your kids better behave, or you’re a bad parent.

3) Your kids’ actions reflect back on you; if they’re good, you’re good. If they’re bad, you’re bad.

4) (For stay at home parents) When you have kids, you drop everything to take care of them.

Those expectations apply to ALL parents, whether or not they’re the biological parents of their children. There isn’t some unobtainable, golden statue that says “NUMBER ONE PARENTS IN THE UNIVERSE” on it that motivates them to adopt their children.

And to give you both a good example of how I know for a fact that same race families aren’t always the best adoptive family: I have three older girls that I say are my sisters because we’ve lived on the same block, went to the same church, and they babysat me, my sister, and my brother my whole life. They (a pair of twins and their older sister) were adopted by a black couple. Their adoptive mother beat the shit out of them, starved them, locked them in the house and locked them out of the house for days and weeks at a time, whipped them with phone cords, constantly screamed and yelled and threw things at them. Those girls call her Lena, and they call my mother mom.

And actually, maybe adoptive parents adopt because they feel pressure to have a child. 

Yes, it is a long process, and it doesn’t fucking work at all.

If you think a black woman torturing her children is the same situation as a black child learning systematic racism from their parents, you’re dead wrong. One situation is where the parent, regardless of race, criminally scarred and harmed her children for no reason. The other situation is a situation where no matter how hard white parents try, they can not raise children of color without robbing them of their identity.

TLDR: adoption is a very imperfect, harmful process, and being racist and ignorant is gonna get you nowhere, my dude. It’s not racist for poc to want to live their own identity. It’s racist to think it’s okay to rob them of that.

Foster families are different from adoptive families. Foster families are paid a stipend per child that they’re fostering from the time the child arrives in their home to the time they leave, and not all of them care about the kids, but then the kids don’t really care about them back. You kind of have to not care because otherwise you’ll get attached to each other and it’ll only hurt even worse when the inevitable system-ordered separation happens.

Adoptive families, on the other hand, are permanent families for the children who would’ve been stuck in the system until they were 18 or (Gods forbid) anything happened to them. They’re families that WANT those children and WANT to help them. Who cares if they’re black or white or Korean or Chinese or European or from Jupiter?

You’re sitting there behind a screen complaining about kids having adoptive families that actually do love and care about them, all because they don’t have the same skin color. This whole entire hellsite has become infected with racist, segregationalist ideas and opinions like this one, but you and everyone else just jumps on the bandwagon and act like it’s okay to do and say and think these things, act like it’s okay to hate and spit vitriol. I’ve never seen anything so pathetic in my life.

Maybe adoptive families have kids because they want to be a savior, whether that is a conscious choice or not.

Maybe adoptive families think they can handle children, and then learn very quickly they cannot.

Maybe adoptive parents adopt because they want to live up to some stupid expectation to be parents.

Also, white people are fucking racist. I can’t speak for other countries, but in the United States, racism is so engrained in the culture that people grow up learning racism and participating in racism, sometimes without even fucking knowing. When a person of color gets adopted by white people, racism is passed onto them directly from their parents. 

“Maybe adoptive families think they can handle children but quickly learn they can’t.” Again, people don’t just dive in blindly; many families may have already had children, or cannot have children but want them. You think there aren’t biological families that have realized they can’t handle kids? How do you think we came up with the solution of adopting children to other families?

“Maybe adoptive families have kids because they want to be a savior.” If they wanted to be saviors, I don’t think they’d be adopting kids from the US or European or Asian foster systems, they’d be going to places like Zimbabwe, or Ethiopia, where the children are starving and dying of diseases and dehydration.

“Maybe adoptive parents adopt because they want to live up to some stupid expectation of being parents.” That one right there, my friend, is a complete lie. You know what the expectations are with parenting?

1) You raise your kids to be respectful, or you’re a bad parent.

2) Your kids better behave, or you’re a bad parent.

3) Your kids’ actions reflect back on you; if they’re good, you’re good. If they’re bad, you’re bad.

4) (For stay at home parents) When you have kids, you drop everything to take care of them.

Those expectations apply to ALL parents, whether or not they’re the biological parents of their children. There isn’t some unobtainable, golden statue that says “NUMBER ONE PARENTS IN THE UNIVERSE” on it that motivates them to adopt their children.

And to give you both a good example of how I know for a fact that same race families aren’t always the best adoptive family: I have three older girls that I say are my sisters because we’ve lived on the same block, went to the same church, and they babysat me, my sister, and my brother my whole life. They (a pair of twins and their older sister) were adopted by a black couple. Their adoptive mother beat the shit out of them, starved them, locked them in the house and locked them out of the house for days and weeks at a time, whipped them with phone cords, constantly screamed and yelled and threw things at them. Those girls call her Lena, and they call my mother mom.

And actually, maybe adoptive parents adopt because they feel pressure to have a child. 

Yes, it is a long process, and it doesn’t fucking work at all.

If you think a black woman torturing her children is the same situation as a black child learning systematic racism from their parents, you’re dead wrong. One situation is where the parent, regardless of race, criminally scarred and harmed her children for no reason. The other situation is a situation where no matter how hard white parents try, they can not raise children of color without robbing them of their identity.

TLDR: adoption is a very imperfect, harmful process, and being racist and ignorant is gonna get you nowhere, my dude. It’s not racist for poc to want to live their own identity. It’s racist to think it’s okay to rob them of that.