@culthcnt​ asked: father i ate the last lamb. : /

random asks -- always accepting

@ofmisthios​ asked: ❝ you’re not sorry. ❞

things that are hard to hear -- still accepting

    “I…” 

    The words seemed to die on his tongue as he stared her in her face. It was strange--for all the commands, the rallying cries, he couldn’t seem to piece together what he should say to that. He wanted to say that he had been acting within what was expected of him--his duty was to SPARTA, of which he had been raised to believe above all else. Did he want to watch his son be dropped to his death? To do the same himself to his daughter for trying her best to protect her brother? No, but that was what he had been told needed to happen. It was LAW, and it had been decreed by the GODS. 

    Yet, she was stood before him all these years later, and that put everything into question. There was no way she could have survived that, not without some...will of the gods, yet…

The night air fillstheir once shared home with a chill; the hearth reaches only so far and Myrrinemoves herself a little closer in her seat. The rest of the city, for the mostpart, lies dormant at this time of night, resting beneath the moon and thestars. The waves of the sea are calm – she wouldknow for the nights she spent standing aboard her ship, watching the dark skies,gradually falling asleep on the deck itself. Back home, there is no suchfeeling of freedom as there was on the sea as the pirate Phoenix.

Yet, she chose to come home, to denounce her self-exile yearslater, for the sake of her children. Her family.  Her husband, arguably.

Though the title holds little meaning anymore.

“No, you can’t.” Shesays plainly. Her arms fold across her chest, more so about the chill than feelingdefensive, but the action speaks for both intentions. “Though whether it is the Gods who were merciful, or bysome stroke of luck or fate, they’realive.”

There’s along, pregnant pause before Myrrine brings herself to speak again, distractingherself with the way the flames still flicker and dance. She should add anotherpiece of wood, should they decide to stay awake another hour or even more. Shedoesn’t yet rise from her chair.

“Kassandra spared your life, I’m told.” Thefirst night reunited had been spent on Naxos’ beach,and much like tonight, it was for hours, almost until dawn. That fact struck achord that resonated, deeply. Many thoughts were given prior to reuniting thefamily with Nikolaos, after saving Alexios from the Cult’s clutches.

No one would expect the grieving, weeping wife on Mount Taygetosto forgive, and yet…

“I do not know if I could everforgive you for that night, but my anger… I cannot… and will not be lost in it forever.”

    Either the gods spared them after all, or what they had been told was wrong. That the words he put his faith in when he made that decision were wrong.

    Yet, that thought didn’t leave Nikolaos’ mouth, which only deepened his frown. It was an idea he didn’t WANT to address, even to himself. When Kassandra had found him in Megaris, Nikolaos recognizing her features from the memory of that child in his memories, the idea had been planted in his head and it had only continued to grow. Quiet at first, but--well, it was hard to look at the baby he had been told needed to die in the face as well. They had BOTH survived that, and Sparta remained as it were--even better in some aspects due to the life he had tried to take for trying to stop what the oracle had decreed.

    It made no sense.

    His gaze lifted somewhat at the mention of Kassandra sparing him on that cliff, his gaze dropping somewhat as he recalled the moment.

    “Yes,” he replied with a small nod, “Though, I would not have fought her on any decision she had made at that point.”

    There was some truth there. He had tossed his sword at her feet, the Wolf of Sparta leaving himself to whatever she had decided at that point. There had been a RAGE there, it was hard to miss. The way she had grabbed him, holding him over that edge before tossing him onto the ground behind her in some second thought. Face the ghosts of his past, she had said--he was doing just that, wasn’t he?

    “I can not expect your forgiveness, I do not hope for it,” he stated, letting out a small sigh through his nose. It left him feeling strange to admit, but he wasn’t so blind as to expect any of them to forgive him for what he did, much as his actions didn’t amount to what he had been told they would. He really didn’t know any of them anymore…

@maskeraide​ asked: Absolve - BUT I WANT A HEADCANON

send a word and get a headcanon and/or drabble ask based off the word -- slow, still accepting

I don’t think there’s anything Nikolaos can do to absolve him of the guilt and shame his actions brought him, much as there’s a part of him that takes a while to realize that. 

He genuinely tries to be there for Stentor in ways he wasn’t for his own children, but they get to live with the impact his actions had on them and whatever peace they find isn’t through what he chooses to do in light of that fact. Ultimately, he does what he can to possibly find whatever honor he feels he’s lost, but it’s not quite through doing what he can for the children who survived that night. Much as the cult is at hand for the false prophecy, he had a moral choice there and he picked Sparta over his son, and eventually his whole family when it came to tossing Kassandra off that mountain in following Spartan law. 

He had found some sort of justification in believing that it was the will of the gods and that he did his duty to Sparta, which are things he had been praised for. Much as it was likely seen as noble by some in regards to how people viewed such things back then, I believe he had issues accepting that and following through with the justifications he had told himself. Stentor comments on the sadness he carries over it, but ultimately there’s really nothing he can do to absolve himself of that. 

             thetis looks in stentor’s direction,     blue eyes taking in the straight back and the proud look on his face.     he looked nothing like nikolaus,   who seemed to carry grief and secrets that the sea had once told her about.      she stands up,     her white chiton falling beautifully around her frame.     the nereid’s imposing beauty is concealed by godly charm out of wariness,   knowing some choose to change the way they carry themselves when a goddess,   despite minor,   is in their presence.

“  it’s simply out of concern.     i was a mother once.  ”      she looks away from him,    instead focusing on the horizon.      “  i always knew when something bad would happen,    always.     and now i have the same sentiment.     when this ship will stop in the docks,     our lives will change.  ”      thetis sighs.      “  if you trust the gods,    you will trust my words.  someone from your past will come and change everything.  ”

    His eyes followed her as she stood, still remaining seated, but there was a SHARP look to his gaze. Really, it was hard to hide how UNEASY he felt upon hearing her words, arms resting upon his knees shifting up to his lap as he sat up straighter. She said it was out of CONCERN, yet she somehow managed to remain vague while somehow managing to speak rather plainly to him. 

    If you trust the gods. It was all he had at that point, the will of the gods. Yet, what she was suggesting…