hope is a dangerous thing

to the minors who follow me:

Will: what?

Do you feel held by him?

Random soldier #1: he's just a bit overwhelmed

Sanders: why?

Blake sending cherry blossom petals from afterlife:

first of all, i wanna talk about the pilot. i actually looked up the script to read it because i’ve read small parts from it whenever people post it on here but that’s it. in the script, it’s written that, while scho is getting the water, blake is trying to comfort the pilot and calm him down, and the pilot is speaking in german. according to the script, he says, “please help me, i don’t want to die.” when i watched the scene this time, i turned subtitles on to see if i could catch it, but the only thing i hear and that pops up in the subtitles is “nein”. i’ve talked about this before with @softschofield, about what the pilot may have been thinking and why he stabbed tom. this honestly raises new questions for me – he doesn’t want to die and asks for help (or does he, since he seemingly doesn’t say the words in the film, at least not that we can understand), so why does he stab tom? that is honestly a fascinating concept i’d love to analyze more, but for now imma continue.

next thing – the way scho cradles blake’s head. when he first presses his hand to the wound to stop the bleeding, his hand goes to the top of tom’s back, likely for leverage more than anything. then, as tom cries out and begs him to stop, he moves his hand to cradle his head instead. so much is said in that one gesture. it’s his hand that stops tom’s head from going back any further, making sure he doesn’t hit his head on the ground, which is so so caring in and of itself. and of course, it’s an attempt at comfort. the way his fingers splay out and his touch is so gentle while his other hand keeps a constant pressure that is absolutely needed if there’s any hope of stopping the bleeding. the whole thing is paternal in its care yet also that of the affection of a beloved friend and it makes my heart ache.

you know what else hurts? scho’s absolute desperation as he tries to remind tom of what they need to do. you can just tell that he can’t think of anything else to say that would encourage tom to try and get up other than the thought of his brother. it’s not a cheap shot, per say, but it is scho grasping at straws to try and get tom’s attention and keep him lucid.

that only adds to the absolute devastation as tom seems to accept his fate, and in doing so, ends scho’s tiny bit of hope that tom could stand a chance. “you’ll recognize him,” he says, and scho wilts (though not in the way you might expect). his breathing changes, and though he’d been frantic for the past few minutes, he becomes frantic in a different way. his attention constantly diverts from his hand on tom’s wound, making sure there’s still pressure, to the barn when it collapses, and his gaze switches all around them for a few moments after that. it’s like, after the fight leaves tom, it starts to leave scho, too (well, this particular fight, the one that urges he save his friend. he recognizes now that that won’t happen). as tom loses lucidity, will loses his hope of keeping his friend alive (physically, anyways. tom never truly dies, in his heart, but that’s for another day). all he can do now is be honest with him and comfort him in his final moments.

but honesty, in this moment, does not exactly come easy for will. he doesn’t even think of lying to him, no, but it takes some thought to consider what he should say and how he should say it and some effort to get the words out. his chin drops to his chest, and he can’t look at his friend as he tells him he’s dying. but he looks at him after. he waits to see how he’ll take it, ready to do whatever he needs to comfort tom. and i think tom’s reaction just hurts him even more. you can see it in that motion he does when tom starts to tremble even more and the sobs bubble under the surface. i don’t quite know how to describe it, but it’s this little breath that makes his shoulders rise up and down noticeably, and he pulls blake closer. it makes me wonder what scho would have done if blake’s reaction was different, or if he had wants or expectations for how he would react.

i’ve talked about the photo before, so i won’t touch on that much this time, but what i really notice at this point is tom’s breathing. it’s wheezing and rattling and wow i don’t like thinking about it much. oh, and don’t think about how scho moves his hand around so much and how tom is laid in his lap but it seems like it isn’t close enough given how much scho keeps pulling him closer, little by little.

next up on the pain train is tom’s “i wish that… i wish…” do you see the look on scho’s face while he waits for whatever will come out of tom’s mouth? he’s clearly hanging onto every word, because he knows any of them will be blake’s last, but it’s like he doesn’t want to hear this part. because what could follow, “tell my family i love them and i wish…”? what does a dying man wish for in his final moments as it concerns his family? usually, their presence. their comfort. but i don’t think tom would want will to tell his mom, “he wishes you were there when he died.” that isn’t what tom wanted. the only thing i can really think of is that maybe tom wished he hadn’t enlisted after all. i think he was finally wishing he would have just stayed home with his mum. but, even then, i don’t think he fully wanted that – that’s why he didn’t say it.

but that would explain why scho suddenly can’t look at him, though he’s undoubtedly listening. does he wish tom stayed home? yes, mostly, because a boy like tom doesn’t belong in a war like this, doesn’t deserve a death like this, caused in part by his own kindness. it means that he wouldn’t have met tom though, and i think he struggles with figuring out whether that would have been for the best.

we’ll never know though, will we? and boy doesn’t that hurt

and here’s where i’d like to finish – what i think tom’s final thoughts consisted of. not fully formed, no, he was nowhere near lucid enough for a stream of consciousness, but he could still conceptualize things. the last thing he sees is scho, since he looks up at him to meet his eyes when he begs him to talk to him, and then he closes his eyes as he listens. scho’s grip is the last thing he feels besides the pain, pulling him ever-closer to comfort the both of them in some infinitesimal way. the last thing he hears is of his brother. at first, i was so caught up in the parallelism of scho’s description (“just like you, a little older”) that i didn’t immediately take tom into account. the last thing he hears and acknowledges is “brother”, based on his little nod. after that word, i don’t think anything else registers, even as he takes one last, shaky breath. tom blake dies with the vision of his best friend and the conceptualized image of his brother as the last thing on his mind (two of the things, the people he loved most in this world).

It seems that Tom’s very last breath comes at the mention of his brother.

And from what I’ve read and witnessed sometimes when people are dying and they’re clinging on despite suffering mentioning a loved one can help them relax enough to cross over.

So I feel a combination of being held by Will, and Will’s reassurance that he was gonna get to his brother, along with the photo and discussing his brother, is what helped him go.

I feel as if his death would’ve been drawn out longer if it hadn’t. And that’s a true testament to the love Tom had for Joe.

We never do see them on screen together, but from how it eases Tom in his death, motivates him to do the mission in the first place, and how Joe reacts. Speaks volumes about the relationship they must’ve had. And it’s equal parts adorable and heart wrenching.

Will wakes up first, always has, probably always will. And since he does he takes the time to admire Tom and to just look at him. Not in a creepy way, but more in a ‘holy shit my boyfriend is beautiful’ type of way also to reassure himself that Tom is in fact alive

Will’s wardrobe consists mostly of large and soft sweaters but more often than not Tom steals them to wear while Will is at work. They’re all super big on Tom and it makes Will fall a bit more in love with him each time

Sometimes Tom’s wound acts up and hurts him so much to the point he has to stay in bed and on days like that Will has no qualms about missing work in order to take care of him Tom always insists that it isn’t necessary, but Will doesn’t listen

Their garden is full of all sorts of plants. Lavender, sunflowers, tulips, roses, daffodils, wildflowers, fruits, veggies, and-of course-a few cherry trees. And when the plants are in full bloom Tom will pick some of them and weave them into a flower crown for Will to wear, and Will wears them proudly.

s l o w d a n c i n g. These boys love to dance together. So on days where Tom is feeling well enough to do so, they’ll slow dance before heading to bed.

Most of their neighbors know the true nature of their relationship, but they can’t bring themselves to be disgusted or bothered by it because they have to admit that they really are a cute and sweet couple

They are always baking some kind of treat in their free time it usually ends in a flour battle, but neither are complaining

Long walks in nature? Absolutely. They love just going for peaceful walks outside. Of course, only when Tom is able to, and when they do Will constantly checks on him and is always holding onto him. Just in case he stumbles.

Will loves to write poetry and draw, Tom is always his muse. Tom adores it.

Joe is the only one of their families to know about their relationship, and he’s their biggest fan.

They have a fireplace and when it starts to get cold they love to have cuddle sessions next to it for extra warmth. (They’ve also done more then cuddle next to it but that’s besides the point)

Tom can play the piano and if they’re having a rough day or night he’ll just start playing it while Will sits next to him and compliments him.