lonesome .

still not looking at your ass .

does it hurt ?

a first - aid kit ,  yeah … that’s something we should have ,  right ?

what kind of psychopath doesn’t use a pen ?

come voluntarily or you’ll be taken by force .

is that why you’ve been so moody and unpredictable ?

absorbent is as absorbent does .

well ,  that’s a felony .

you could’ve killed me !

it’s nice to see a familiar face .

i need to find  [ name ] .

a little help ,  please .

when i find [ name ] ,  i am gonna torture her .

you’re alright now .

[ name ] ,  you came .

[ name ] ,  i need you to come with me .

i don’t even get where you’re going .

you PROMISED you’d be honest .

let me have a sip of thinking juice ,  here .

what aren’t you telling me ?

so you also lied to me about NOT lying ??

i need to atone for my recent history .

we’ve all done bad things to each other .

you’re being forgetful .  or kind .

next time someone has to risk their lives ,  YOU’RE IT !

god ,  you are such a …

i would do literally anything to keep her safe .

sometimes life is a real backpack of balls .

i am so serious ,  shut your mouth .

if you die ,  i’ll kill you !

don’t you know how dangerous this is ?

i swore to protect you .

listen ,  we can help each other ,  alright ?

is everything a sex joke to you ?

who’s a girl gotta screw around here to get a gun ?

that sounds kinda lesbian .

[ name ] ,  how could you ?

i’ll show you how it’s done .

you’re stronger than i expected .

i told you ,  i’m leaving .

[ name ] ,  what the hell ?!

are you real ?

something  here  is  pretty  off .

we’ll  think  a  little  better  with  some  fire  in  our  bellies .

say your piece ,  [ name ] .

it’s just so good to be home .

who are you ?

i thought i’d be safe in here .

the only place scarier than in here ,  is out there .

i didn’t mean it like that .  not at all .

please don’t say you’re sorry anymore .  you don’t need to be .

vacation’s over ,  assholes !

please tell me everyone’s okay ,  [ name ] .

what really happened to  [ name ] ?

i know i let everyone down .

i hope that means there’s no hard feelings .

as you all know ,  i excel at having opinions .

i wish i knew what we were up against .

don’t yell at me .

home - brewed mold juice will NOT defeat pure evil !

at first i thought it was irrelevant ,  but then i figured it out .

what does a  [ last name ]  know about keeping their word ?

there’s been enough crime today .

[ name ] ,  what’s going on ?

why do i taste skunk ?

that would get my slacks off in a second .

please don’t get off on the wrong foot .

i know every curve .  every sigh .  every taste .

yeah ,  i guess i forgot .

i can’t wait for the rest of our lives to unfold .

sorry ,  i’m just .  i’m so distracted .

thanks for taking care of my friend .

i feel like i can handle it .

baby ,  i’m sorry nobody’s here .

you’re sorry we’re alone in the house ?

i could introduce you .

i’m merely here to conduct business .

everyone knows you’re  [ name’s ]  man .

stand down ,  big boy .  all it is to me is interesting .

i’m sexy ,  i’m cute ,  i found it in a boot .

sometimes i feel like you’re keeping me a secret .

love wins ,  after all .

you stay away from us .

even if your family sucks ,  you don’t .

you  …  opposite of suck .

crush ?  don’t say that ,  okay -  not here .

there’s easier ways to say you feel different .

can we go ?  now ?  like ,  right now ?

rule number one ,  we do not work for the enemy !

you’re better than this .

what do you want me to do ?

you wanna see childish ?  how about this ?

i know you  …  and you know me .

what the hell is this place ?

i don’t have my gun !

you have me .

it’s high time we leave this place .

i got you .  i got you .

what did you do ?!  idiot ,  what did you do ?!

all i have is my people .

i owe you nothing .

you may be dumbstruck but you’re not an idiot .

what are you doing sleeping with a pistol under your pillow ?

it’s my bedroom ,  i’ll ask the questions .

i’ve been keeping watch .

we don’t talk about that anymore .

oh my god ,  don’t ever do that to me again !

say hello to my little friend …

in the future ,  if you wanna hurt me  -  just say please .

give me one good reason why i shouldn’t pluck your eyes out like grapes  …  then steal these shades .

i’ve made my own fate .

i knew you could handle yourself .

demons can’t hold their liquor .

you are a welcome sight for these sore eyes .

it’s so good to be home … and in your arms .

extreme makeover ,  homo edition ?  kill the drill .

what choice do we have ?

speaking of the team ,  has anyone seen  [ name ]  since this morning ?

all that matters is he’s safe .

we all did what we had to do to survive .

what’s happening to me ?

i can’t wait anymore .  it’s been over a year .

can you help ?

the price is steep .

i will do anything to get her back .

[ name ] ,  it’s all coming back to me .  i did something terrible .

sweetie ,  it’s okay  –  just  …  spit it out .

any man that would shoot another man in the back doesn’t deserve to be known or remembered .

you miss it ,  don’t you ?

the rules were simpler ,  then .

i don’t have the luxury of getting old and forgetting all the things i’ve done .

i’d like to know the plan before i celebrate it .

they don’t deserve death ,  they deserve to be destroyed .

you look like you need an ambulance .

so we’re dealing with what ,  some kind of hex ?

we need to focus on a cure .

wise words from a leader of tomorrow .

oh ,  great  –  you’ve heard of me .

you listen to me ,  goddammit .

everyone still needs me to keep them safe .

this thing between you and i isn’t over until i say it’s over .

how am i supposed to live a normal life ?  why the fuck would i want to ?

just once i’d like for someone to come in with flowers .

i don’t pick sides .  i’m in it for myself ,  does that sound familiar ?

it’s a compliment .  it’s how we’ve both managed to survive .

noble men do not have the luxury of being neutral in times of war .

i like taking care of you .  i’d be happy to do it for the rest of our lives .

you did something terrible .  but you being you ,  how terrible could it be ?

i come bearing apology beer .

do you wanna hear my sob story ?

i did manage to get my hands on this stupid thing .

you are everything .

hide your kids ,  hide your wives ,  ‘cause we are storming the fucking castle .

can you not do that right now ,  during my rousing speech ?

don’t jump to plan c before we’ve even tried plan a .

wait ,  wait  –  are you sure about this ?

no ,  no  –  GAH ,  I’M GONNA KILL YOU !

i shouldn’t have given up ,  cause that’s what i did .  i gave up .

i let everyone down ,  but today i’m gonna change that .

i need you to kill me .

why are you here ?

drive .  drive fast .

i think we should make an informed decision .

are you coming or not ?

you’ve been avoiding me .

[ name ] ,  what were you thinking ?

this should be your priority .

let me hold you for a minute .

get out of my way .  i won’t tell you again .

that wasn’t supposed to happen .

can you keep a secret ?

i don’t know what i did to deserve you .

you seriously think i could’ve done something like that ?

you’re safe with me .

sorry isn’t good enough .

where is all this coming from ?

who told you about that ?

sorry i’m late ,  i got caught up .

you’re being paranoid .

why are you looking at me like that ?

you’re the single most important thing to me .

all i’m asking is that you hear me out .

whatever they told you ,  it’s a lie .

we shouldn’t stick around here .

hold my hand ,  i don’t want to lose track of you .

[ name ]  …  truth or dare ?

i love you .  nothing’s gonna change that .

can you tell me what happened ?

you can’t come around here anymore .

back off ,  okay ?

what ,  you don’t have time for me anymore ?

you’re asking for too much .

i’m trying to start a new life .

what do you mean ,  you aren’t coming back ?

sometimes i think you must hate me .

why can’t we just talk about this ?

i know i fucked up ,  you can stop rubbing it in .

you’ve got quite a reputation .

i’m not usually like this ,  i’m sorry .

please ,  just let me explain myself .

i love watching you work .

we’re on the same team .

did you ever tell anyone ?

you’ve got a lot of explaining to do .

really funny ,  you’re very mature .

you call THAT a PLAN ?

can we get out of here ?

i thought things would be different .

this is not up for debate !

do whatever you have to do .

karma’s going to get you for that .

it could’ve been a lot worse .

i asked you to leave me out of this .

maybe it’s time to take a leap of faith .

i never want to see you again .

can you see how many fingers i’m holding up ?

i’m gonna be there when you get what’s coming to you .

you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me .

i’ve been waiting all night for this .

i told you not to contact me .

sometimes i really think you have a death wish .

what do you need ?  —  what can i do ?

i would do literally anything to keep you safe .

that was supposed to be a secret .

you haven’t called me that in years .

stop telling me to calm down !

we make a pretty good team .

i have so much i want to say to you .

i’m not going to let anyone hurt you .

can we please not do this right now ? 

wait ,  wait  …  just breathe for a second .

how are you holding up ?

why don’t you stay the night ?  i’ll take the couch .

i don’t need your protection !

you’re not making this easier on yourself .

are you going to let me in ?

i’m supposed to be protecting you .

i will kill you if i have to .

do whatever you have to do .

this is going to hurt ,  i’m sorry .

what happened to you ,  where have you been ?!

there was nothing you could’ve done .

you’re all i need right now .

i don’t believe in love at first sight .

have you been following me ?

i need you to believe me .

what do you remember ?

i’m not a good person .

what the hell’s going on with you ?

you’re being followed .

just when i thought my day couldn’t be any worse .

i’ve been having weird dreams .

so you’ve been lying to me this whole time ?

are you trying to get us killed ?

this is the worst thing that’s ever happened to me .

i never asked for your help .

you’re being followed ,  pretend you know me .

why has it started to feel different with you ?

don’t worry ,  i have a plan .

i heard everything .

do you need to sit down ?

i have the right to know what’s going on .

i’ve just gotta catch my breath .

stay out of my business .

what did you think was going to happen ?!

don’t cause a scene .

tell me something about you that i don’t know .

can i buy you a drink ?

what if  …  we played spin the bottle ?

this was never a problem until  [ name ]  came around .

you can’t ask me to make that choice .

are you seeing anyone right now ?

i need you to listen to me ,  we don’t have long .

you’re lying ,  that doesn’t make any sense .

you look  …  stunning .

what are you trying to prove ?

who died and made you the boss of me ?

you can’t just show up here like this .

let me make it up to you .

there’s no way i’m leaving you like this .

can we stay like this ?  just for a little longer .

i don’t need you to fight for me .

so  …  you lied to me ?

you’re the only one that can help me .

i can’t help you if you won’t let me .

i never introduced myself ,  i’m [ name ] .

i expected more from you .

you have no idea who i am ,  do you ?

are you real ?  is this real ?

can i stay with you ?  just for the night .

you’re going to get yourself killed .

why did you help me ?

tell me what i can do to help .

pick a card ,  any card .

i never wanted any of this .

do you wanna get out of here ?

what the hell are you talking about ?

i should have trusted you .

get your head out of the clouds .

how is any of this MY fault ?!

what aren’t you telling me ?

i can’t help you if you won’t let me .

it’s never just one with you ,  is it ?

you’re not supposed to know about that .

shut your mouth .

i haven’t kissed you yet ,  today .

where is this coming from ?

come over here and make me ,  then .

keep lying to yourself ,  see where it gets you .

i’m not a bad person .

is that what you wanted to hear ?

we can’t be seen together .

i can’t give you what you want .

i need you to leave .

are you drunk ?

i’m here ,  i’m here .  i’m not going anywhere .

you might want to take a seat for this .

have you been listening to anything i’ve said ?

i haven’t heard from you in weeks .

you’re jealous ,  aren’t you ?

who do you think you’re talking to ?

what are you reading ?

you could’ve killed me !

come on ,  we don’t have time for this .

i just need ten minutes of silence .

really ?  that’s all you have to say ?

we could leave ,  you know .  go far away .

you don’t look too good .

i never want to see you again .

why can’t you just leave me alone ?

i thought you died .

you’ll do anything for attention .

how’s the weather up there ?

all you do is hurt people !

i’m sorry ,  none of this makes sense .

you need to get out of here before anyone sees you .

i told you i didn’t want you around here .

is that supposed to be a threat ?

you’ve changed .

don’t look at me like that .

it’s a beautiful day ,  don’t you think ?

i did what i had to do .

you never know when to stop .

i’ve got to get home ,  it’s getting late .

i have nothing to prove to you .

stop LYING to me  …  all you do is lie .

you don’t have to be nice to everybody .

don’t tell me what to do .

pull your head out of the past .

we are not talking about that right now .

are you new around here ?

you have no idea what you’re starting .

i’m gonna get us out of here .

everyone’s staring at us .

is there anything i can do to help ?

i won’t cause you any more trouble .

– just follow my instructions for once !

do you want to come in ?

i don’t know what you want me to say .

you’re not like anyone else i’ve ever met .

‘  there’s something i need to tell you… ’

‘ what the fuck are you doing? ’

‘ i’m sorry, ___. you shouldn’t have gotten caught up in all this. ’

‘ you did what you were designed to do. ’

‘ i need to leave this place and discover who i am. ’

‘ is there you want to know about me? ’

‘ i’ve learned a lot since i met you. ’

‘ i’ll never forget what you’ve done for me. ’

‘ forget about me. you do what you have to do. ’

 ‘ you’re asking me to betray my people? ’

‘ can i ask you a personal question? ’

‘ i’m certainly going to miss our bromance. ’

‘ statistically speaking there’s always a chance for unlikely events to take place. ’

‘ when it fired, i felt it die. like i was dying. i was scared. ’

‘ what if we’re on the wrong side? ’

‘ i’m worth a small fortune. ’

‘ just say ‘ i killed him! ’ is that so hard? ’

‘ just don’t put any more evidence in your mouth. got it? ’

‘ maybe you did the right thing. ’

‘ why did you shoot me last night? ’

‘ promise me you’ll never go! ’

‘ i always accomplish my mission. ’

‘ you look human. you sound human. but what are you really? ’

 ‘ you have no freedom than you did before. ’

‘ i can’t be happy if she’s not. ’

‘ i like dogs. ’

‘ what a bunch of idiots. ’

‘ at least we didn’t come here for nothing. ’

‘ everything i touch turns to dust. ’

‘ the mission is all that matters. ’

‘ this is a great day for our people. ’

‘ have you never wondered what you really are? ’

a suspire and a roll of the eyes at that . this kid .. had a lot to adapt to . they were here for a reason . a responsibility came with picking up the blade . one this kid seemed to …. halfway get . maybe . still riled up by the previous events , but there was a managed control there .

“ the corps is here to protect civilians so they don’t have to .. most aren’t even aware of demons , which .. good on them , i guess .. ”

he let out a quick huff of air , almost mistakable for a laugh . leave it to this kid to be so blunt . the man sighed with a shrug of the shoulders , looking off for a moment .

“ i suppose .. that may be part of the reason .. but that isn’t important . ”

A grunt of annoyance escaped the boar’s lips. No matter how many times he played the man’s words over in his head, he couldn’t find a fault to them. The half-half haori was right – humans were better off not knowing until demons. That left more of them for slayers to kill.

“Then all these dumb humans should just leave us alone! They’re always getting in the way! If only they were strong enough to escape or stall the demon ‘til we get here, we wouldn’t have to be so careful to save them, when it distracts us from killing the actual demon!”

He quieted slightly at the rest of the young man’s words, head tilting in slight curiosity.

though quiet , his words were harsh as the tides on a stormy sea . if this kid wanted to get anywhere , he'd have to better himself . the sooner he learned he learned that he could not control others , that more often than not , you could not rely on anyone else for success , less you wished for failure .

it only brought on death , followed in short by grief .

a quiet exhale through the nose , shrugging , shifting his expression slightly for the small mood change of the lecture to talk of acquaintances or - underlings - as this kid called them . oh what a word for the man with the inferiority complex . why was he so curious about the man's social life ?

" it isn't weird , bud .. you've been dealt a shitty hand by life , and .. things won't ever go back to being the same . plus everything going on in your head . it is hard to imagine . "

"We can’t travel back to the past or alter it, but… we can still live in the present and shape the future. My family... they're long gone. But I can always find a new family. Even if it’s not the same as before, it would still make me happy." The youth turns its gaze to the clouds above them — large, wispy, and white, floating calmly across the sky — and silently, with an ache in his chest, he wishes he could remember more.

he watched the kid with a dull stare as they spoke , quiet . a new family , huh ? a concept his mind kept locked out of bounds for years now . loss was .. painstaking . and with bonds , with family , came the reminder that nothing is permanent . no will be there forever . he couldn't care to try . to force through the bitter cycle of life if he didn't have to .

but the words of the youth settled within him like seeds sown deep in the fresh earth , knitting his eyebrows with a sigh . this kid had lost everything , presumably . surely they knew the cruel ways of the world just as well as he did . but he still wanted to try . wanted to get that happiness even with the knowledge of the cost . he'd wasn't sure if he'd ever know that feeling .

but hell , it was good that tokito did .

loss was hard to get over . he knew that just as well as the next slayer , if the haori he wore was any indicator . grief was hard to move on from , use to grow . but some people could do that , and he was never truly sure why . though he think he saw a good deal of the reason in tokito . some people wanted that life , to move past the negative happenings in their life . to make theirs and the lives of others better . to feel alright relying on others .

his sister had been like that .

he was never like her in such a way , both selfless and empathetic enough to force herself past loss and struggle , to find her own " light at the end of the tunnel " , as they had said . even after all of these years of training , he wasn't nearly as strong as she had been , to move ahead , not only for her sake , but his too . she had the strength to find love , to sacrifice it for the sake of another . he would never be the same as tsutako . never even close .

but .. maybe he could try his own ways to be a ... positive - influence in the mist hashira's life . hell knows the kid deserved it , a whole lot more than he did when he was younger .

( lets see which muse you pick >:] )

Issei remained silent as he hid in the shadows the best he could. He adjusted the mask on his face as he stalked the demon slayer. He slowed his own heart rate enough to calm down, making it harder for him to be noticed.

“ don’t speak nonsense hashira… I have more control over my entire life than you have over your own mind… “

he shrugged , hand on the hilt of his blade , though he had yet to turn to the owner of the voice , let alone unsheathe the sword . with a disinterested sigh , he spared a glance over his shoulder at the creature , an expression of displeasure set upon the blank slate of his face appearing .

" whatever you say .. let's get this over with , demon . "

sword drawn as he finally turned to the figure , eyes narrowed upon the silhouette in the darkness , only bothered with one thing about him .

issei’s mask hardened and merged with his pale skin as he continued to control his own heart rate. the effects of his demon art being noticeable. pulling the rest of his sword out from his abdomen, purple blood splattering into the shadows.

“ i just hope you’re not as annoying as that last Hashira I killed… or that little girl.. both were headaches on their own. “ he mumbled to himself, issei’s voice seemed to echo now, almost like the endless shadows we’re working with him.

in fact , it brought an extra urgency to lop its head off of its shoulders . he scoffed quietly at the demon , distaste evident in his expression .

" just shut up . i've got better things to do than waste time listening to your woes . "

He was keeping as quiet as he could. Issei’s originally black suit was now covered in leaves and dirt. But thankfully for his ego, the Hashira wouldn’t see the nastiness if he couldn’t find him. Still not having a new place to teleport, he remained where he was, a plan falling perfectly into place.

keeping a fair pace behind the demon , he kept his eyes trained on the movement , the flashes of moonlight through the thick foliage being especially helpful in keeping sight of the demon . he barely saw the stream before the demon , still a few paces ahead , touched it , the smog rising as soon as he had hit it .

he skidded to a halt , fresh earth crushed beneath him as he eyed the purple substance as the wind took it with a raised eyebrow . with a shake to his head , he huffed , pushing himself forward once more . he couldn't be far off , so he'd continue on .

emotional? angsty? fighty? yep. check, check, and check again. bon appetit!

“ go. ”

“ stop this. ”

“ let go of me. ”

“ you’re gonna have to make me. ”

“ please don’t do this. ”

“ don’t make me do this. ”

“ you have no idea what i’m capable of. ”

“ don’t you dare. ”

“ i wouldn’t do that if i were you. ”

“ i can’t do this. ”

“ i won’t let you do this. ”

“ i’m not gonna let that happen. ”

“ go! get out of here! run! ”

“ i’m not what you think i am. ”

“ don’t get in my way. ”

“ revenge won’t bring peace for you. ”

“ you always knew this would happen, didn’t you? ”

“ what’s going on in that head of yours? ”

“ you do not turn against your family. ”

“ i will kill you if i have to. ”

“ we need you. ”

“ it’s okay. i got this. ”

“ you were chosen for a reason. ”

“ get up. ”

“ it’s too late. ”

“ you can’t do this. ”

“ i thought i might find you here. ”

“ you’ve never had to fight me. ”

“ it’s over. ”

“ it’s over. we won/lost. ”

“ it’s over. you lost. ”

“ enough! ”

“ you can’t protect any of them. ”

“ stay here! ”

“ give me your hand. ”

“ i can’t help you. ”

“ you can’t help me! ”

( no specified muse , i was just really excited to send this )

THEY THOUGHT THEY HAD A CHOICE … THERE WAS NO CHOICE …

Her grip with tighten a little bit more holding them by there throat, claws digging in deeply into soft flesh to keep him firmly in place.

His little sword swatted away as if it was nothing to her, for it was nothing more than a common blade within her eyes that had not been within the hands of a true slayer of worth. Water. Laughable, to think one of the first breathing forms.

Was still within this world as a thread to her kind.

“You are right …”

As she would gift him these moments then and admit the truth. She was no warrior. She was no samurai, she was not trained with a blade, she was not shown how to defend herself, how to fight for herself, why would she ever have to do something like that.

She had created demons, to protect her, defend her and do her tasks for her and never once risked her own head. Call it what you wish. Call it the actions of a coward if you may, but they are the actions of someone with caution, if she dies, then all demons die with her, a fact that he is going to become very well aware of soon enough.

“Under it all, I hold no skills like you and the other slayers have.”

Whatever she said was the truth and it did not truly matter now, he was not going to remember this conversation as her fingers of her free hand curl within and prick at the flesh within her palm and the blood would spill as she would squeeze his throat once more to force his mouth open as she covered her crimson covered hand with her opened lips and forced him to partake in her blood.

Why did they always fight?

It was always so interesting to her. to see them fight and struggle. This one reminded her greatly of Akaza, one who had caught her attention many centuries ago. A man called a demon who had such a terrifying reputation. Who might not have been a slayer, but was on the level of pillar if not higher and he too had refused, wanting to remain what?

Weak all of his life.

So, she did what she had to do and forced it upon him and how he had wailed and clawed. Fought and struggled against her, to try and deny the gift she had given, not knowing that the moment her blood enters the system of anyone, it was over. Your life had been forfeited, your free will was now gone.

You belonged fully to her.

All he had to do was let go and everything would be better. He was a fighter, that was a good. She expected nothing less from a slayer, but from a pillar and one who held the breathing art that has stood the test of time itself, that had been one of the first ever created from sun breathing, this one was going to take … time to change. already she could sense, the increase in potential.

“I believe, two days this will take …”

As she pressed down harder now, to break his ribs and take his attention away from trying to wriggle free from her and instead onto the snapping and breaking of his bones, not that it would matter anymore. Pain in a handful of hours’ times, will be nothing more than a memory within his mind. humours as well to her as all his memories where soon going to trickle through his fingers like droplets of water, impossible to clutch onto them.

As strong as he was, he was nowhere near the level of upper moon one, who had kept his memories after the transformation and had been most useful in the hunting down and destruction of the slayers of the golden era. She would wish for much the same right now, but she held doubt, this little water slayer would be able to clutch onto his mind, there seemed to be … very little there, he should be kissing her feet, for finally giving him everything he wanted. No more boredom, no more sorrow, his life was going to change forever.

For the better …

“I will leave you, to change … best avoid the sun until you are complete and then I will find you, but before I go, one final … gift.”

As she leaned forward now, dropping down to press her knee right into his upper chest to keep him there as she gripped the sides of his head. The changes where subtle at first, his teeth where more … interesting than they once had been, nails slowly adapting and turning into claws, fangs growing slowly, and his eyes as well, this would be her gift, two days it would take, and for two days he would suffer and be better all the for it.

As she gripped him tighter and pulled back one hand, pointing her finger right at his eyes as she moved closer, closer and closer, before the end of her claw skimmed over the surface of his eye and then, dipped within as she itched in the symbols, carefully crafting them within one eye and then moving onto the second, taking her time, sing the blood spilling out as her ink for his new rank, a pillar he was, but now he was so much more, welcomed into the twelve strongest beings within the world, with half the spaces now opened, because of her … rage, it was about time to bring more worthy demons into the fold now.

“Lower moon six …”

As she pulled back her hand and playfully slapped the side of his face before standing up, leaving him there, blind, if he tried to open his eyes, all he would see, would be those symbols and nothing else, took some time to adjust to the sight, but he would hopefully get there and if not, at least a slayer had been removed from the board.

he knew it was happening , but remained helpless to it . to the burn in his veins , the ache in his body . it was fucking frustrating . he couldn't stop this , or change the inevitable outcome of it . if anything , he had actively made his situation worse . and now he wasn't entirely sure of what was to come . he knew the basis , the blood gets into your system and it takes it's affect from there . but from then on , he had nothing else to go on . nothing else to think of .

other than that liquid agony in his bloodstream .

by the gods did it ache . other than the subtly depleting loathing for both himself and this woman , it was one of the few things he could still feel . even in the numbness acquired from this , it was still all there . an affliction like one he had never felt before . one he wished he never did .

resistance was fading fast , finding it hard to even move at this point . all he could do was repeat meaningless nothings to himself , clutching to them like a small child would . idiotic , but his sensibility was thrown to the wind once that blood entered his system , like a form of hopeless fight or flight had kicked in . he felt like he was back at square one . back to the powerless little kid he once was . unable to help what happened in the world , no matter how he tried .

all of that for nothing .

an airy breath left the man as he stared at the woman , though any expression of malice was gone , though he wasn't sure he could summon any more up if he tried . he wanted to hate this woman , needed to . but it felt as though it was getting harder and harder to keep his mind on his anger , his bitterness that this happened . even as she spoke the words she did . even as the prospect of two more days of this felt like like a kick to the gut , as much as the mere thought made him want to kick and scratch and grab at every bit of contempt his body could contain , he couldn't . he couldn't reach one bit of it .

in fact , he didn't think he could reach anything .

a reality check introduced by the prominent cracking sounds followed by pain blossoming in his chest , letting out a strained groan . the man would stop his resistance , anything he could to relieve that burning torment , the relentless onslaught of this woman . he forced out a disgruntled sigh as the stares continued , trying his best to keep his eyes in focus .

but it felt as though he snapped to as she spoke once more , eyebrows knitting as he wearily eyed her . he only pushed back slightly against the contact , stopping when the pain spiked , choking back on a ' scf -! ' of dry air . he had no chance of beating this . he might as well give up . accept this and that he couldn't change it .

when the hell did he start thinking like this ?

the cold hands on his face brought no solemn comfort , though it was steadying , a fine adjustment to the readily muddling and slipping state of his mind . even as one left his face , drawing back , the claws of the woman dangerously close to his face . even as he felt the searing agony cut into his pupil , he was still . he was quiet . there was no fight to get away now , to force himself through more than needed . he felt like he was dying . but the man was well aware he wasn't granted that blessing . this would pass . he would change . a thought in his head he did not want to entertain .

dulled eyes blink shut , the blood , the sting ; all too irritating to keep awake . even at the slightly forceful impact , he did not move again once the support had left . he lay there , too drained , too pained to move from the bloodied spot on the floor . only did he slightly stir at the sound of her speaking once more , the words slow and steady in his head . an attempt to open his eyes , though useless and painful , he stared blankly through his lidded expression , nodding . with a deep breath he ignored his own mind , speaking rather ats this influence told him , voice scratchy and dry .

he lets out a quiet hum . a question he doesn't entirely know the answer to himself . it's an iffy concept in his head , going back to how it was before . he accepted that this was his life , how it was . but occasionally , thoughts of how it was before the incident happened . before she was gone .

" it isn't weird , bud .. you've been dealt a shitty hand by life , and .. things won't ever go back to being the same . plus everything going on in your head . it is hard to imagine . "