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I press an ice cube to your neck and trace the trail of melting water with my tongue, and suck at your collar bones where the meltwater pools.
Giyu's breath hitched with a hiss as his body jolts. He tries his best to remain still even though his chest rises and falls from the different sensations. ".. How is this supposed to help me keep cool?" He clenches his hands by his sides to keep them to himself.
I’ve been feeling really awful for a while and my stomach is really upset. Do you have any suggestions for lighter dishes that I could make?
-ano.
Giyu allowed you to stay at his water estate while he was away on a mission and is now just returning. He carefully approaches you laying on his futon, feeling slightly guilty for being gone too long. Crouching down to examine you he places his hand over your stomach and speaks lowly, "I'm gonna make you some kake udon. That should help." What the cause for your stomach ailment is, Giyu is unsure.
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Author's Note: I got excited and wrote this in one sitting...I don't know what to tell you going into this, but brace yourselves because we are knee-deep into the angst now, and there's no going back. I'm quite pleased with how this turned out (for once)
Cw: Overthinking, Drinking, Mention of substance abuse.
Morning came a lot quicker than you would've preferred.
Thin specks of sunlight filtered through the bedroom, signaling that morning had finally arrived. For a while, you simply lay there.
Giyuu was still completely passed out beside you, his breathing slow and even, one tattooed arm stretched lazily across the mattress as though it were searching for you.
The sight made you smile faintly.
He'd always done that. It was almost as if some part of him wanted to stay close, even while asleep.
The smile faded as quickly as it came.
Without meaning to, your thoughts drifted back to yesterday.
You squeezed your eyes shut as tightly as you could.
Enough.
You were tired of analyzing every little interaction. Tired of searching for hidden meanings in places where there probably weren't any.
Nobody had given you any reason to doubt them.
Nobody had made you feel unwelcome.
Most importantly...
Giyuu had never given you a reason not to trust him.
The source of that feeling had never been him.
It had always been you.
You shifted closer to him, letting him hold you for just another moment before carefully slipping out of bed. After throwing on some clothes, you quietly made your way downstairs.
Tsutako had already prepared coffee and pancakes.
You thanked her softly before digging in.
A few moments later, Giyuu wandered into the kitchen wearing a loose black band T-shirt and pajama pants. His hair was still messy from sleep, and he hadn't bothered tying it back yet.
"You look well-rested," you teased.
"Good morning to you too," he replied, leaning down to press a soft kiss against your forehead.
Breakfast passed comfortably. Conversation drifted naturally between everyone, and afterward, you and Giyuu helped Tsutako clear the table.
"You guys still have a few more hours before you leave, right?" she asked.
Giyuu nodded while loading dishes into the dishwasher.
"Sorenara, tanoshinde kite kudasai! Kanojo o Nihon kakuchi ni annai shite agemashou. Koko de jitto shite ite mo, nani mo hajimarimasen yo," she exclaimed, giving his shoulder a light shake.
You blinked before letting out a small laugh.
"What did she say?"
"She said we should go do something before we leave instead of sitting around here," he explained calmly.
Then he glanced over at you.
"You hungry?"
"...Giyuu."
"What?"
"We just ate," you laughed.
"I know."
A small smile tugged at his lips.
"But I want to take you somewhere. We're about to leave, and you haven't even tried authentic Japanese sushi."
Before you could protest, he was already dragging you upstairs to get dressed.
A few minutes later, he was downstairs practically begging Tsutako to let him borrow her car again.
You both climbed into the familiar white minivan. Giyuu adjusted the driver's seat before connecting his phone to the car's speakers.
Killer Queen by Queen immediately filled the car, catching you completely off guard.
"You like Queen?" you asked, surprised.
He simply nodded, lightly bobbing his head to the music.
"Why?" he asked. "Were you not expecting that?"
"No... I wasn't," you admitted with a soft laugh.
He let out a quiet hum before pulling his phone from his pocket, tapping away at it for a few seconds, then setting it back down.
"What are you doing?" you asked.
"I sent you my playlist," he said simply before pulling out of the driveway.
Curious, you pulled your phone from your purse and opened the link.
The playlist was a complete mess.
There was no organization whatsoever. Rock blended into indie, old classics sat beside modern pop, Japanese songs were scattered between English ones. Some artists you recognized immediately.
Others you'd never even heard of.
Your heart squeezed.
It wasn't some grand romantic gesture.
It was something much quieter.
Much more him.
He was choosing to share a little piece of himself with you.
And that was one of the many reasons you loved him so much.
His love was never loud.
Never flashy.
It was quiet.
Gentle.
Sincere.
And somehow...
All-consuming.
You were drowning in him.
And maybe...
You never wanted to come back to shore.
After another twenty minutes or so of driving, Giyuu pulled onto a quiet side street before parking outside a humble little restaurant you never would've thought to walk into on your own.
Its wooden entrance sign looked decades old, faded from years of sun and rain.
"Where are we?" you asked.
"The best sushi in Setagaya," he answered simply before climbing out of the car.
He walked around to your side and opened the door for you.
You both walked toward the small building. The moment you stepped inside, you took in the atmosphere. There weren't many tables or loud music.
Just the murmur of conversation and the rhythmic sound of knives against cutting boards behind the counter.
The elderly chef looked up the moment Giyuu stepped inside.
Recognition immediately crossed his face.
"Oya, tsuini modotte kuru ki ni natta nda ne."
Giyuu let out a small, breathy laugh and bowed politely.
"Amari kitai shinaide kudasai. Tada no hĹŤmondesukara."
The chef nodded before turning toward you, curiosity spreading across his face.
"De, kono kata wa donata desu ka?" he asked, pointing toward you.
You looked over at Giyuu, confused.
He looked back at you.
"Watashi no kanojo."
A small smile spread across his face.
You knew kanojo meant girlfriend; you'd been studying some Japanese before the trip.
Even then, it still felt surreal sometimes. To think that he was entirely yours... and that you were just as much his as he was yours.
Giyuu and the chef exchanged a few more words in Japanese before he led the two of you to the counter, where he prepared everything right in front of you.
The chef carefully placed different pieces of sushi onto your plate while Giyuu explained what each one was, occasionally pointing out a few he thought you might enjoy.
"Make sure not to drown them in soy sauce," he warned gently.
The meal stretched much longer than either of you had anticipated; neither of you was quite ready for it to end.
Halfway through, Giyuu's phone buzzed softly against the countertop.
He grabbed it and glanced down. As he did, his expression shifted almost instantly.
His face contorted into pure irritation...
And something else you couldn't quite name.
Without answering, he quickly flipped his phone over and set it back down on the counter.
"Everything okay?"
He looked back up almost immediately.
"Yeah, just spam," he said, giving you a soft smile.
The conversation continued, but something felt off about him now.
Every now and then, you'd catch him zoning out deep in thought before quietly snapping back to reality. He also seemed more fidgety and a little less talkative than before.
Despite his reassurance, you couldn't shake the feeling that whoever had made that call wasn't a spam caller at all.
When you arrived back at Tsutako's house, you both quickly hurried to pack your belongings. Before you knew it, your suitcases were lined up neatly by the front door.
Reality settled over you much faster than you expected.
It was time to go.
You hugged Hana goodbye.
She clung to you so tightly that Tsutako practically had to pry her off before walking over and pulling you into a warm hug herself.
"It was wonderful meeting you," she said warmly, though there was a hint of sadness in her voice.
"You too! I loved meeting you and your family."
She smiled and nodded.
"Please take care of him," she said, pointing toward Giyuu.
"I'll try my best," you replied, a small smile tugging at your lips.
She let out a soft hum before walking over to Giyuu and pulling him into a tight, almost motherly hug.
"TĹŤchaku shitara denwa shite kudasai."
(Call me when you land.)
"Watashi wa shimasu."
(I will.)
She lingered for another moment before whispering one last thing, softer this time.
"DĹŤ ka, jibun no kara ni tojikomotte shimawanaide kudasai."
(Please don't disappear into yourself.)
He nodded.
Then he walked over to Hana, pulling her into another tight hug before placing a soft kiss on her forehead.
"We should go," he said, looking over at you.
"Yeah."
One last wave.
One last hug from Hana.
One last smile from Tsutako.
Then the door closed quietly behind you.
Giyuu pulled out his phone to call for a ride to the airport, which didn't take long to arrive.
Japan slowly disappeared in the rearview mirror as the drive toward the airport began.
By the time the two of you finally turned the key to Giyuu's apartment, you stood there for a moment, completely exhausted.
The trip home had been long.
Long enough that neither of you had spoken much after boarding the plane.
Long enough for the excitement of Japan to slowly give way to quiet fatigue.
Giyuu unlocked the apartment door.
The apartment greeted you with familiar silence.
The faint scent of coffee grounds still lingered in the kitchen from before the trip, mixed with the clean smell of laundry detergent from the hoodie he'd forgotten hanging over the back of one of the dining chairs.
You couldn't help but smile.
"...We're home."
He looked around the apartment, quietly taking in the familiar space before nodding once.
"Yeah."
He carried the suitcases inside before setting yours beside the couch.
"I was actually thinking about going home and unpacking tonight," you said sheepishly.
"Oh."
The expression on his face shifted ever so slightly, and you could tell he'd been hoping you'd stay the night.
"Okay. I'll drop you off. C'mon."
He dropped you off at your apartment a little after nine. The sky outside had already turned a deep shade of blue.
You said goodbye and leaned through the driver's side window to give him a quick kiss, but before you could turn to leave, he gently tugged on your wrist.
You turned back, confused.
"Let me go, silly. I have to unpack," you laughed.
"Thank you," he said simply.
"What for?" you asked, cocking your head to the side.
"For coming with me... for meeting everyone... for..."
He cut himself off for a moment, the tips of his ears turning pink.
Then he looked back up, meeting your eyes.
"...For loving me."
His voice was quiet.
"That was the most fun I've ever had. Thank you so much... this meant more to me than you'll ever know."
He scooted a little closer before leaning in for another kiss.
His lips were soft and tender against yours.
When he finally pulled away, he smiled at you before giving you one last wave.
You smiled back as you watched him drive off into the night.
The familiar rhythm between the two of you settled back into place almost effortlessly.
For the next month, things continued as they always had. Life had been busy and chaotic, not to mention you'd be starting school again in just two weeks.
The past month had been filled with late nights in his apartment and beautifully chaotic moments full of laughter, with him teasing you while sketching tattoo designs. Mornings where you'd wake up to find his arm tightly wrapped around you. Then he'd quietly drive you to work before leaning over to kiss you goodbye.
However, some thoughts subconsciously lingered in the back of your mind.
You'd caught yourself watching him.
Not intentionally.
Just quietly noticing little things you hadn't really paid much attention to before.
Because there had never really been any reason to.
He'd zone out sometimes, lost somewhere inside his own head, before quietly returning to whatever he was doing.
He had a habit of absentmindedly rubbing the back of his neck whenever he seemed deep in thought.
There always seemed to be alcohol in the apartment. One night you'd come over and found a six-pack of empty beer bottles in the trash, which he'd casually claimed Uzui had finished.
You also began noticing the faint bags beneath his eyes.
Even now, you didn't really have a reason to cross-examine everything he did.
Yet your brain quietly filed every little detail away as evidence.
Evidence of what, though?
You couldn't even answer that because, honestly...
You didn't know.
This wasn't like you at all.
You'd never picked people apart like this before.
Yet here you were, looking at the man you loved and pulling him apart piece by piece, trying to find the key to putting him back together again.
But you had never quite managed to shake the feeling that there was something he wasn't telling you.
Tonight was a regular Tuesday evening.
You were both sitting in his living room. You were finishing scholarship essays and filling out forms while he sat cross-legged on the couch with his headphones on, quietly humming to himself as he sketched.
There were empty food containers scattered across the coffee table from dinner because neither of you had the energy to cook tonight.
Your eyes drifted back to him.
The way he focused while drawing.
The way his face softened as he quietly hummed along to whatever was playing through his headphones.
He looked over, feeling your eyes on him.
"What?"
"You hum," you stated simply.
He blinked.
"Do I?"
"You seriously never realized?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.
He paused for a moment, bringing the end of his pen to his chin.
"...No."
"You've been doing it this entire time," you said with a giggle.
"Really?"
You nodded.
"It's cute."
A beat passed.
"You're cute."
His ears immediately turned pink.
"Don't say things like that."
"Why?" you asked, feigning innocence.
He immediately looked away.
"...Because."
There he was.
The man who insisted on carrying all the groceries.
Who had gone out of his way to buy you an entire desk setup.
Who somehow always knew exactly how to comfort you without prying or asking questions.
The man who had taken you all the way to Japan to meet his family and spent the entire trip making sure you felt welcomed.
He'd never given you a reason not to trust him.
You refused to let one sentence...
One sentence from someone who hadn't even explained herself...
Change that.
Maybe Shinobu had simply been talking about the past.
About the version of Giyuu she'd known years ago.
About things that weren't yours to know because they simply didn't matter anymore.
Enough.
You were done borrowing trouble.
If something needed to be said...
Giyuu would tell you.
Until then...
You trusted him.
That had to be enough.
Comfortable silence settled over the apartment once more. The two of you were exhausted from work, your eyelids growing heavier with every passing second.
Giyuu set his sketchbook aside before getting up from the couch and walking over to where you sat on the rug. He gently rubbed your shoulder.
"You should get some rest. You can spend the night, or I can drop you off at your place. Whatever you prefer is fine," he murmured softly.
You let out a quiet hum.
"I'll stay here," you said, shifting a little closer to him. "I want to be close to you tonight."
A small smile crossed his face before he nodded.
Without warning, he slipped one arm beneath your knees and the other around your back, lifting you effortlessly off the floor.
"Giyuu!" you laughed.
He ignored your protests, carrying you to his bedroom before carefully laying you down on the bed.
Then he walked over to his dresser, pulled out one of his oversized black T-shirts, and motioned for you to sit up.
Still half awake, you did as you were told.
He gently helped you out of your clothes before slipping the soft T-shirt over your head.
After making sure you were comfortable, he walked over to the closet and grabbed a towel.
"I'm going to take a quick shower," he said softly. "But you should get some rest."
He stepped closer, brushing a few gentle kisses across your forehead and cheeks.
"Goodnight, beautiful."
"Goodnight, handsome."
Within minutes, you were lulled into a deep sleep.
Your mind finally quiet.
For the first time all week...
You truly felt at ease.
Sometime during the night, you woke again.
At first, you weren't entirely sure why.
The apartment was completely silent.
No cars outside.
No voices.
Just darkness.
You blinked slowly, still half asleep, instinctively rolling toward Giyuu's side of the bed.
Instead, you were met with cold sheets.
A small frown settled across your face.
"Giyuu?"
No response.
Slowly, you pushed yourself up onto one elbow.
His side of the bed was empty, and the coolness of the sheets told you he'd been gone for a while.
You sat there for a moment.
Then you heard it.
The faint clink of glass.
It was barely audible, coming from somewhere beyond the bedroom.
"Giyuu?"
You called his name again as you quietly slipped out of bed.
Still no response.
Moonlight spilled through the apartment windows, casting pale silver shadows across the hardwood floor.
Your bare feet barely made a sound as you walked down the hallway.
The closer you got to the kitchen...
The stronger the smell became.
It hit you before you even rounded the corner.
Whiskey.
Your stomach tightened as you stepped into the doorway.
Giyuu stood alone in the kitchen, one hand resting against the counter. The room was completely dark except for the faint glow of the stove light above him.
His shoulders looked heavy.
Tired.
An almost empty bottle sat on the counter beside him.
A glass rested loosely in his hand, the amber liquid catching the light every time he absentmindedly turned it between his fingers.
Then he took a slow sip.
Relief washed over his face as the alcohol coated his tongue. The tension slowly melted from his shoulders, and he let out a quiet sigh, almost as if the drink had finally given him the peace he'd been searching for.
He hadn't noticed you standing behind him.
"Giyuu?" you said softly, trying to keep your voice steady. "What are you doing?"
He froze.
The moment he heard your voice, panic rippled through his entire body.
Then he slowly turned around.
You could see it written all over his face.
Panic.
Fear.
For just a second...
Then it disappeared almost as quickly as it had come.
"Sorry for waking you," he said quietly, looking down at the glass in his hand.
"I couldn't sleep," he added with a small shrug. "I thought this might help."
"So... you decided to drink?" you asked, raising an eyebrow, suspicion creeping into your voice.
Because whatever this was...
It wasn't just trouble sleeping.
You'd seen the look on his face.
He rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassment flashing across his features.
"Just for tonight."
Your eyes drifted toward the bottle.
Far too much of it was gone.
"Really?"
He didn't answer.
You took a small step closer.
"You've been standing here drinking by yourself in the middle of the night..."
"...Because you couldn't sleep?"
"...Yeah."
Your voice stayed gentle.
You knew that if you raised your voice or panicked, he'd retreat right back into himself.
"So this doesn't happen often?"
He stayed quiet for a long moment, choosing to stare down at the glass instead.
He opened his mouth.
Closed it again.
A frustrated sigh escaped him.
"I do this sometimes... when my head gets..."
He searched for the words.
"...Loud."
You swallowed hard, trying to hold on to what little composure you had left.
Trying so hard to stay strong.
Because you knew exactly what he was trying to tell you.
He didn't have to spell it out anymore.
Then everything hit you.
This had always been there.
Whenever the two of you spent time together, alcohol always seemed to be nearby.
Whenever you went grocery shopping with him, there was always a bottle of liquor in the cart.
The six-pack of beer you'd found in his trash a few days ago...
Those hadn't been Tengen's.
They'd been his.
Makomo taking his drink at the party.
Shinobu's words.
The faint bags beneath his eyes.
The way he'd zone out without realizing it.
How his shoulders always seemed to relax after a drink.
How there always seemed to be a reason to have alcohol around.
Every little thing.
It all made sense now.
The signs had been right in front of you this entire time.
Maybe you'd simply been too blind to see them.
Or maybe...
You had seen them all along and never thought anything of them.
After all...
You'd met him drunk in a club.
But that alone hadn't meant anything…how could it have?
"How long?" you asked quietly.
He stayed silent long enough that you thought he wasn't going to answer.
"...A few years."
His voice was barely above a whisper.
The words settled over you like a weight.
Your heart sank the moment they left his mouth.
But you didn't scold him.
You didn't yell.
You didn't ask why.
Instead...
You simply looked at him.
Really looked at him.
He looked exhausted.
Not physically.
Soul-deep.
Like he'd been carrying something alone for far too long.
He felt your eyes on him, and his fingers instinctively tightened around the glass.
You stepped closer before gently placing your hand over his.
"...Can I have it?"
His eyes drifted to the glass.
Then back to you.
He hesitated.
Slowly...
Almost reluctantly...
His fingers loosened around it one by one until you were finally able to slide the glass from his hand.
He didn't fight you.
He didn't pull away.
He simply...
Let go.
You carried the glass over to the sink and quietly poured the whiskey down the drain.
The sound of it disappearing into the pipes echoed through the silent apartment.
Neither of you said a word.
He hadn't moved an inch.
He simply stood there...
Looking lost.
Without thinking, you reached for his hand.
His fingers were ice cold.
"Come back to bed, Giyuu."
He didn't argue.
He didn't complain.
He simply nodded as you gently led him through the dark apartment and back into the bedroom.
He climbed beneath the blankets beside you.
This time...
Without thinking
He reached for your hand.
And held it.
Tightly.
Neither of you closed your eyes.
Neither of you slept.
The silence between you wasn't empty anymore.
It was heavy.
Pressing.
Like the world had quietly shifted beneath your feet, and neither of you had quite found your balance again.
It was full of words neither of you knew how to say.
Both of you understood
Morning was coming.
And with it...
A conversation neither of you could avoid anymore.
Thinking about Giyuu, who doesn’t know how much he’s yearned for sex until he’s buried deep inside you, unable to move from the absolute pleasure searing through his body as your walls clamp tightly around him as you ride out your high.
The next time you come see him he’s on you before you can even fully make it inside he’s become completely addicted to the feeling he never knew it could feel so good, that he could crave someone so badly, and most of all he can’t wrap his head around the fact that you want him just as desperately as he wants you.
…And that thought would drive him absolutely crazy.
