you don’t really know what goes on

scientists have yet to find a true himedanshi in the wild

@wasabicouscous

@nghtingale @chlorbo

on twitter this got a bunch of responses like “wow even the evil fujoshis? the homophobic yet hypocritically fetishistic ones? what if the fujoshi is racist?” and like well no obviously not in that case.

“shoutout to everybody from new jersey!” “even the new jersey serial killers…?”

if i dont respond to a message from you i can basically guarantee its not because i dislike you. im just getting attacked by imps and shit all the time genuinely.

Is kitten going to be good as gold for mommy? Mommy's going to give you a full system of orthogonal idempotents and keep you nice and finite-dimensional for me. That's right kitten, every element of you will be invertible. And nobody's ever ever going to "disprove" you when we're together. Just keep rotating for me. Don't you want that, my pretty little quaternion?

Who's mummy's good little bloke? If you sit there and watch this whole football match for mummy, she'll take you to Greggs and you can get all the sausage rolls you want. You'd like that, wouldn't you guv'ner?

I'm gonna say it, I do think that even the laziest person imaginable should have a roof over their head, food in their stomach, and access to healthcare

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

In biology they told us that the eye doesn't actually see everything in the room, it fills in most of it from memory and assumption. your brain is just confidently making stuff up about what's probably there and you believe it because you have no reason not to. and i thought that was just a vision fact but actually it's the most important thing i know about unreliable narrators. your character isn't lying. they genuinely see the room they expect to see. that's so much scarier.

sometimes people will insist a character is butch/masc and then you look at the character and they’re just fat. or muscular. or black. or indigenous. or some combination of the above.

saying this as a lesbian who loves women's boobs--sexually, even! but i don't think that we as a society should consider breasts inherently female or inherently sexual. a flat chest should not be seen as the "default" for gender neutrality but instead just one way a person can present. boobs should be normal. anyone of any gender can have boobs

the kids are calling them "stone fruits." they start off small—think cherries. then they're hooked and they need a quick fix, they get peaches, maybe some nectarines. it's all they can think about. before you know it, they're trying the really hard stuff—apricots, plums. once they taste a mango there's no going back.