hullo everyone……yes, i’m still alive ( barely, ngl ). since the beginning of the new year, i’ve been in the process of moving states and cities. a move, out of all that i’ve been through, that is purely my choice and i am eager to get settled in this new chapter of my life. i read somewhere “you cannot heal in a place that’s made you sick” and it hit me so hard in the chest. i know i’ve said things, done things, however minor or regardless of intent, and while i hope to atone for those things, i understand and respect if those bridges cannot be mended. my insecurities and anxiety are not excuses and i am done letting them hold me back, making me irrational and irresponsible. i am not that person. to no one in particular, and mostly to myself, i am sorry. truly, deeply, sorry.
we’ve all heard the saying “fake it till you make it.” i accept now that those words do not work well with illness. backfires, actually. too often have i exhausted myself, drove myself to the brink, had to fight ever harder to bring myself back. i can’t do that anymore. for the sake of my health and the health of those around me, i refuse following this path, and paths like it, any further.
whatever you are going through, it will pass. as insurmountable it may seem, you will persevere and triumph whoever, whatever, you are against. wars do not last forever. i know it feels like it. i know you’re tired. but you are not alone. please do not ever feel or convince yourself you are alone. you are stronger than you know and you will get through this. maybe not today. maybe not tomorrow. but one day you will wake up and know you have won. it’s worth the fight.
