a warm sleep

i grew a lot, but i am still growing. i became very close with myself but very distant with everyone i knew

nostalgia will only eat you in the future if you continue to carry old burden with you .

you find a shell in the sand. the sand is warm under your feet, the air is salty, the sea crushes in green frothy waves against black stones. you break the shell open. look, you cut your finger just now. a velvet pearl of blood falls onto the nacre. you close the shell , you put it back and walk away.

i need a break. a real break. a little like stopping to exist. it has to be absolute. for some time no one knows me anymore, no one has memories of me, i don't exist in any country, i have no accounts, no place in this world. finally i will be able to breath again.

you look at a picture of an old friend. and in their eyes you see yourself: the person with your name deep connected in your old friends memories. but you are someone new now, that old reflection, it's not who you are anymore. and suddenly you realize, that friend you are looking at, this is someone new too. this isn't the person anymore you knew. they grew, just like you. and suddenly you see: it's natural, it's healthy. and finally you can let it go.

you are laying on your back. above stars are burning white and pearly. so much happend this year. new situations, new problems, new challenges had crushed into you like bullets fired from a gun. but now it's over. you did it. it's alright now. breath and take a brave step into the new year.

the old wound healed. the wound that had been there for years, ugly, bloody, deep. never could it heal. but today. today the wound healed and the scar makes you stronger. you are so much stronger.

you are living inside a wallnut shell. you have a tiny stove and a tiny table and a tiny handknotted carpet. a crow watches you from safe distance.